Here's a recap from one disgruntled viewer...
Tenley was the hands down favorite for Jake's family. Jake confessed to his Mom that he likes it rough and Dad's quivering chin and lower lip was a bit too much. His tears eventually filled the backyard swimming pool and allowed for a clothes-on family gang bang of Tenley in the deep end. So that's how it is in their family.
Vienna received a cool reception from Jake's female relatives. Jake apparently biased the jury with the tales of Vienna based catfights back at the pimp pad. Slowly but surely, the daft, woman-hating Vienna was able to bring Mom out of reverse and into neutral. A mistrial was declared - exonerating Vienna of any b*tchery.
Jake and Vienna got down and dirty in the mud pit. The silky mud apparently exfoliated away any common sense Jake had left. While on a boat with Tenley, Rico Sauve, dropped the "you're not physically attractive" bomb and almost fell asleep. Well played captian D-Bag.
I'm sure you can tell I'm not terribly happy with Jake's choice of spicy over sweet. When the helicopter rides, rooftop dinners and shopping sprees all end, Vienna is going to be waking up in a one-bedroom apartment in Dallas. How long do you think she's going to stay? Then again, do I want Jake to be happy? Not really. I wish the both of them good luck on the reality tv show circut for the next 18 months.
Yours,
Mr. Rant
3/01/2010
When a Man Lusts a Woman
Speechless. I didn't see Jake picking Tenley, so my shock there is mild to non-existent. I'm just a little dumbfounded looking back that Miss Un / In / De Congeniality won the whole thing. That's not how my bedtime fairy tales ended when I was a kid. The lazy dog ate the little red hen's bread tonight.
Jake, did you really tell your MOM that it hasn't "gotten rough" with Tenley? I'm all for the momma's boys, but there's a line a few miles back, buddy. "Mom, I want a girl that, you know, ... I just wanna ... uuuh! Just tap it and then keep tapping it. You feeling that?" No, Jake, we're not feeling that.
I want to go to St. Lucia someday. No, not so I can jump into a pool with my brothers and girlfriend fully clothed, but it is beautiful. I bet their roads don't even have potholes.
It was a very difficult situation for Tenley on that boat. No one wants to hear from the person they're falling for that they aren't physically attractive. It's not something you can argue or prove to someone. "9 out of 10 dentists prefer me!!! I'm hot. I'll tie you up and slap the chemistry into you, boy. I can get all provocative up in here!" I guess you could go reverse psychology on your girl to try to horn 'er up by saying that, but games backfire after a while. Sometimes it's just the cold, hard truth.
Tenley's a very gracious person. I've never heard so many thank you's from a dumpee before. Please sir, can I have some more? I see that as a sign of maturity, context, and being comfortable with oneself. A lot of people have the urge to deny, downplay, quickly rebound from, or hide from that hurt. I commend Tenley for admitting it and seeing the good in it. Even if you do go through a rough ... (rough was the wrong choice of words there) ... let's go with "difficult" breakup, you still DO have feelings for that person. You DID have good times together. You DO have things to be thankful for. It may take seconds or years or a lifetime for people to get to that point, but sometimes the best way to get there is to start with the words and hope the feelings will follow. Keep your chin up, Tenley (and not only to keep the hair out of your face).
In the end, I don't know if I can fault the guy! Katie found her Tommy and Jake found his Vienna. It rarely makes sense. He sees something in her that he hasn't seen in anyone else. Good for him. Who are we to judge? In conclusion, ... whatever. :)
Jake, did you really tell your MOM that it hasn't "gotten rough" with Tenley? I'm all for the momma's boys, but there's a line a few miles back, buddy. "Mom, I want a girl that, you know, ... I just wanna ... uuuh! Just tap it and then keep tapping it. You feeling that?" No, Jake, we're not feeling that.
I want to go to St. Lucia someday. No, not so I can jump into a pool with my brothers and girlfriend fully clothed, but it is beautiful. I bet their roads don't even have potholes.
It was a very difficult situation for Tenley on that boat. No one wants to hear from the person they're falling for that they aren't physically attractive. It's not something you can argue or prove to someone. "9 out of 10 dentists prefer me!!! I'm hot. I'll tie you up and slap the chemistry into you, boy. I can get all provocative up in here!" I guess you could go reverse psychology on your girl to try to horn 'er up by saying that, but games backfire after a while. Sometimes it's just the cold, hard truth.
Tenley's a very gracious person. I've never heard so many thank you's from a dumpee before. Please sir, can I have some more? I see that as a sign of maturity, context, and being comfortable with oneself. A lot of people have the urge to deny, downplay, quickly rebound from, or hide from that hurt. I commend Tenley for admitting it and seeing the good in it. Even if you do go through a rough ... (rough was the wrong choice of words there) ... let's go with "difficult" breakup, you still DO have feelings for that person. You DID have good times together. You DO have things to be thankful for. It may take seconds or years or a lifetime for people to get to that point, but sometimes the best way to get there is to start with the words and hope the feelings will follow. Keep your chin up, Tenley (and not only to keep the hair out of your face).
In the end, I don't know if I can fault the guy! Katie found her Tommy and Jake found his Vienna. It rarely makes sense. He sees something in her that he hasn't seen in anyone else. Good for him. Who are we to judge? In conclusion, ... whatever. :)
#1 ... Revealed
Happy birthday to the champion of our Bachelor Pool! You may know him as Chuck, Chuckles, C-Wil, Charles in Charge, the CW, or Downtown Charlie Brown. You now also know him as a Bachelor pool champion. Your gold medal is in the mail; if you want a platinum, you'll have to ask that Russian figure skating dude.
Enjoy the finale everybody!
Enjoy the finale everybody!
2/22/2010
Rainbow Shapoops and Cartoon Dreams
American Idol cares about the community, yes we do, AI cares about the community how bout you! The BACHELOR cares about the community, yes we do, the BACH cares about the community how bout YOU!!! When we reach this point of the season, I always expect the contestants to "get it" after watching themselves. Nope, doesn't happen. They just keep on Sisyphusing their crazy rock up the hill.
I get weirded out by the "let's introduce everyone and have them awkwardly hope for a huge applause and then pretend not to be disappointed when it's just polite" scenario that we had here and also find at awards shows and family gatherings (what, that's just me? I swear I have an uncle who pays off the crowd).
Elizabeth came back with her game exposed. Jake got famous originally by singing about this very thing.
Rozlyn was living a nightmare (or should have been) in front of our very eyes. She entered the OJ zone of believing her lie. She even snapped at our vanilla host, who snapped right back. I'm not a big fan of the condescending "I have no ill will towards you, but I hope you find a way to be a better person" line. Just come out with the big juicy "afterbut." I like afterbuts and I cannot lie. You other brothers can't deny. Rozlyn, you have to learn the lesson that living your life relying on your looks can't last forever (... or so I hear).
Finally, I have no inside knowledge (or arguably, any knowledge whatsoever), but I think Jake ends up single out of this. His family is going to put the icksnay on Vienna, and his concerns about "lack of passion" are going to derail the Tenley train. I don't want to be a downer. I really don't. I hope I'm wrong. I also hope this rainbow droplet of a conclusion I'm leaving you with flushes successfully.
2/19/2010
Make you feel my love
This show offers the rare occurrence where a dude can conceivably sleep with multiple women, with each woman knowing (or suspecting) that he slept with the other girls, and yet will face few negative consequences. Call me old fashioned, but I usually don't bed multiple women in the same week (except for Lent of course...). Trying to figure out who he should award an overnight to and in what order reminded me of the prisoner's dilemma, of sorts...kind of. Jake needs to carefully consider which princess he wishes to make his bride.
Some of the things Jake should have had to take into account prior to cavorting with all three women:
If Jake awards an overnight to all three of these girls, the specialness of each overnight would, potentially, decrease for each subsequent girl, especially if you were the third girl (unless its Vienna, because she doesn't mind being the last kid down the slide). Originally I thought that if he wants an overnight with Tenley, it would be best for his selfishness if she was either the first overnight or the only overnight, as she would be less inclined to accept an overnight if he was handing them out like candy. We now know that she was second and that each chick got night in the suite.
The other thing he should have had to consider is that, while the paths of these ladies may not cross at St. Lucia, surely they must text or communicate some how. If you're the first girl that goes to bed with Jake, maybe you don't share your good fortune (or forgone conclusion-ness) as a matter of bravado, but maybe you share the news with the other two women to make them feel as if they will just be another notch on Jakes belt, and therefore, maybe girl #2 does not accept the overnight which then makes Jake dislike said girl. Given the way Vienna crooned when she returned from her bungee jump with Jake, I guess this is why she was the third and final broad to lay with him, as she would have surely told everybody. Jake, meanwhile, must be hoping that his minute-man qualities stay private from each of the other ladies, and from America.
Dismissed: Poor Gia. I think she knew she was going home, and she may have been ok with it. Jake kept complaining that she wasn't opening up to him. Maybe she didn't open up because Jake's a d-bag and she doesn't trust him. Whatevs. I think she's the most mentally stable of the three remaining contestants and I would have been happy to let her open up on her own schedule. It was obvious how detached Jake was when talking to Gia on that bench, and I think Gia could sense that. I think her tears were more anger-driven from his phony-ness than they were of sadness that she's going home. Then again, she may have recovered... Ali (again): When Jake said that he was trying to process what just happened, what he meant to say was, "I'm trying to kick you to the curb again without feeling like the bad guy." As pointed out here, he should have told her last week that he wasn't feeling it.
Soon to be Dismissed: Tenley and Vienna are both leaving this fiasco empty handed. Jake has a hard time seeing Vienna as anything more than eye candy and Tenley's too grown up when it comes to relationships. Query: has Tenley ever been married before? (If we were playing a drinking game with the trigger being anytime she mentioned her previous marriage, we'd be dead by the end of the second commercial break.) I love it when each girl tells Jake how she feels about him and all he can do is say thanks, or move in for some weak-ass hug/kiss.
One other thought: if a staffer was removed from the show for hanging out with Rozlyn, the camera man that taped Jake getting ready for the rose ceremony should be dismissed too; he zeroed in on shirtless Jake, for no apparent reason, just to get a glimpse of those abs. Classic.
Until next time,
Chuck W.
2/15/2010
His Toolness
Fantasy suite night!A real fantasy suite would be a few hundred feet above and behind Mr. Joe Mauer at Target Field with Lindsey Vonn-derful stopping by to slalom up and down your slopes. If you can't have that, I guess Saint Lucia isn't the worst consolation prize.
How much do these dates cost? Sheesh. Like $30K each? Makes a guy who "springs" for the cream cheese wontons feel a little sheepish.
I'm coming after Jake the Snake tonight. Poor Mr. Dateless is finally self-actualizing his Uber-Desirableness. Aren't we lucky to watch it? Come on, man! Get the act together. Jake, you do realize that one of your final two has said that she has never been in love before, yet she has been married, right?
WARNING: NON-ABC aired content paragraph: Jake, you do realize that this young lady also allegedly took her former husband's life savings for an enhancement procedure when he was in Iraq and then slept with his friend? And that her job as a "marketing representative" was to market those enhancements?
Jake, you do realize that you give lip service to (well, everything, but also to) Tenley's values and then live a very different life, right?
Pavelka's also an athletic poser. Yeah, I'm calling you out, boy. You are a "weight-room" athlete. We see the chisel-ness, but we also see the way you attempt to throw a football, catch a leaf, and skip a stone. Maybe a lady would prefer a current weight room athlete to a couch potato former one, but realize what you are getting - someone who belongs next to a mirror but not on the field.
Jake also constantly says to all the other girls how he's falling in love with so many women. Why say that to them? It seems like as good of an idea as telling a girlfriend that you think about her sister sometimes ... I don't think they like that.
Jake, if you want us to take you seriously and believe you when you say you're in it for the right reasons, yada, yada, yada, you can't keep Vienna around. Those positions are incompatible.
OK, let's go on to more pleasant things.
Jake likes to talk about all of these girls taking a piece of his heart. (Any time I can link to my first crush, I will take the opportunity.)
Tenley, not only is she the President of the Anti-Cankle Club, she is also a member. Wow. If those muscles were any higher on her leg I would call them Cheech and Chong. I feel like men are more likely to give names to body parts than women are. I should probably just shut up now.
Gia is really a nice girl. I'm sad to see her go. Well, I don't mind seeing her go, but I'd also like to see her come back, and then go again, and then come back ... etc. She got a necklace that she will wear on her wrist for the rest of her life ... or the rest of the episode. Gia said "I'm ready to go all the way." Jake wants Gia to "totally open up." I'd really like to make a joke here, but they are not giving me ANY material.
Ali keeps 8 1/2 by 11 glossies next to her bed of Jake, and realized that either the love of her life was slipping away, OR her fifteen minutes of fame were running out.
Next week we get the always entertaining women tell all. Until then, I wish you all a long-lasting Valentine's hangover!
P.S. I would like to dedicate this post to my sister Janelle and NEW fiance Nathan! Very happy for both of them and the upcoming addition to our family! The planning drama that is sure to come won't be half bad either. ;)
Silent no longer
I thought I'd add a little more sarcasm to the blog. Here's a rundown of tonight's episode:
Gia - what's wrong with her mouth? Last one I saw like that had a hook in it. That's the only physical defect, however. Hot, Hot, Hot. She can even mingle with people making a dollar a day. What a woman.
Tenley - if you move your hair from the left side of your face again, so help me God. Ever see that movie - Man Without a Face? Yeah, me neither. Get this woman a barrette or scrunchy. Tenley appreciates Jake's passion for Dancing. I've been doing that same slow clockwise spin since sixth grade - take the blinders off woman.
Vienna - Jake, buddy, come on dude. If you really want to be with an 8 year old, start a cult or move to Utah. Kudos to the producers for coming up with the "From Here to Eternity" beach make out shot, very original. At dinner, Jake goes from discussing engagement rings to saying he's falling for two other women. Well done Mr. Conversation - good thing Vienna's train of thought is lip gloss, ponies, lip gloss, diamonds, lip gloss.
Ali - where the hell do you get off? Thank God she was able to keep that job...saving lives, putting out fires, helping the elderly or wait, sales. Way to dispel that "indecisive woman" myth too. Nice job by the Pimp of the Year to put his platform-shoed foot down.
This episode featured make outs in the ocean, pools and a bathtub. Aquaman Jake obviously derives his sexual prowess from the water. Watch out ladies if he ever visits the City of Lakes. How do you keep Vienna over Gia? Gia's not crazy and ten times as hot. Don't worry Gia, I'll take care of you baby. Romantic dinners at Taco Bell, weekend get aways to Grand Casino, cruising in my Camry. Everything a New York swimsuit model dreams of. Tenley is going to win this in a walk.
Yours,
Mr. Rant
Gia - what's wrong with her mouth? Last one I saw like that had a hook in it. That's the only physical defect, however. Hot, Hot, Hot. She can even mingle with people making a dollar a day. What a woman.
Tenley - if you move your hair from the left side of your face again, so help me God. Ever see that movie - Man Without a Face? Yeah, me neither. Get this woman a barrette or scrunchy. Tenley appreciates Jake's passion for Dancing. I've been doing that same slow clockwise spin since sixth grade - take the blinders off woman.
Vienna - Jake, buddy, come on dude. If you really want to be with an 8 year old, start a cult or move to Utah. Kudos to the producers for coming up with the "From Here to Eternity" beach make out shot, very original. At dinner, Jake goes from discussing engagement rings to saying he's falling for two other women. Well done Mr. Conversation - good thing Vienna's train of thought is lip gloss, ponies, lip gloss, diamonds, lip gloss.
Ali - where the hell do you get off? Thank God she was able to keep that job...saving lives, putting out fires, helping the elderly or wait, sales. Way to dispel that "indecisive woman" myth too. Nice job by the Pimp of the Year to put his platform-shoed foot down.
This episode featured make outs in the ocean, pools and a bathtub. Aquaman Jake obviously derives his sexual prowess from the water. Watch out ladies if he ever visits the City of Lakes. How do you keep Vienna over Gia? Gia's not crazy and ten times as hot. Don't worry Gia, I'll take care of you baby. Romantic dinners at Taco Bell, weekend get aways to Grand Casino, cruising in my Camry. Everything a New York swimsuit model dreams of. Tenley is going to win this in a walk.
Yours,
Mr. Rant
2/11/2010
Take a chance on me
In the spirit of Jim Nantz, Hello Friends...
Initial Musings: I kind of wish I lived next door to Gia's family for four reasons: I could finally play 80s movie good guy to 80s movie d-bag that is Gia's brother; Gia's mom could read my future through her tarot cards; I could play Teller to Gia's stepdad Penn, and I could do some birdwatching every time Gia came home, a la George McFly in back to the future.
I loved the trip to Williamstown, Mass to meet Ali's family (I like riding through the Mass countryside). At first I thought it was weird that we didn't meet her dad, but after I saw Ali's sister and brother, I understood: ABC couldn't track down Williamstown's milkman from 1985. That is what is referred to as a genetic outlier.
Tenley's family seems like a pretty nice family, and I wonder if her sister is single. My favorite part of the Tenley home visit was when her dad invited Jake upstairs to talk, carrying his glass of wine in the process. Was he trying to bone him or talk to him? Cover that glass of wine, Jake... I did, however, think her parents were the most sincere.
I found myself rooting for the alligators as Vienna walked across the wooden dock/catwalk as she strolled to meet Jake. Alligators make wonderful shoes and suitcases, but also wonderful problem solvers. I wondered why everyone in Vienna's family was crying, but then I remembered that they were sad because Vienna came home.
And seriously, what is with the tough-guy routine by the brothers/dads in this episode. First, Gia's brother couldn't take down Angela Lansbury (this link has no significance; I just really thing A.L. is hot). And Vienna's dad, literally and figuratively taking Jake to the woodshed, tried to play as tough as he could. I feel the tough dad routine is for those who are concerned they haven't raised their kids well enough where they can make good decisions on their own. True story: I was talking to this very attractive girl one time and she was bragging to me how much her dad loved her, and he would tell all her gentleman-suitors that if his daughter wasn't home by 11:00, he had a gun and a shovel, and he wasn't afraid to use them. I, for the life of me, cannot figure out why you would bury a gun just because your daughter got home late...
Dismissal: Poor Ali. She has to choose between the work of an account executive and the lust of her life, all the while trying to figure out how to stop talking like a four year old. Whenever I forget how to use my words, I just make the hand gestures of a toddler. I think Ali is only 25, and if she really cared for Jake that much, I am pretty sure she could find suitable work at some point in the future. Then again, unemployment is a little higher than we'd all like to see. It would be different if she was 26, because as we all know, if you have found someone by that age, might as well give up... I hated to see Ali leave, but I love to watch her go...
Soon to be Dismissed: Jake. I've had my fill of this slack-jawed yokel. Maybe Jake's best match is Gia's brother. Eric's d-bagginess is on the surface, whereas Jake's is a bit more hidden, and I think that they were meant to be together. Plus, it kind of bothers me that Jake is all muscular but I don't believe he has the motor skills to throw a football or catch anything other than an STD. I also didn't like how he wasn't completely honest with Ali. He told her she wasn't on the line "tonight," but stopped short of giving any indication of how he felt about her the rest of the show. I think he has narrowed down his choice between Vienna and Tenley, and if that is true, he should have just let Ali have a clean break from the show.
Until next time,
Chuck Woolery
Initial Musings: I kind of wish I lived next door to Gia's family for four reasons: I could finally play 80s movie good guy to 80s movie d-bag that is Gia's brother; Gia's mom could read my future through her tarot cards; I could play Teller to Gia's stepdad Penn, and I could do some birdwatching every time Gia came home, a la George McFly in back to the future.
I loved the trip to Williamstown, Mass to meet Ali's family (I like riding through the Mass countryside). At first I thought it was weird that we didn't meet her dad, but after I saw Ali's sister and brother, I understood: ABC couldn't track down Williamstown's milkman from 1985. That is what is referred to as a genetic outlier.
Tenley's family seems like a pretty nice family, and I wonder if her sister is single. My favorite part of the Tenley home visit was when her dad invited Jake upstairs to talk, carrying his glass of wine in the process. Was he trying to bone him or talk to him? Cover that glass of wine, Jake... I did, however, think her parents were the most sincere.
I found myself rooting for the alligators as Vienna walked across the wooden dock/catwalk as she strolled to meet Jake. Alligators make wonderful shoes and suitcases, but also wonderful problem solvers. I wondered why everyone in Vienna's family was crying, but then I remembered that they were sad because Vienna came home.
And seriously, what is with the tough-guy routine by the brothers/dads in this episode. First, Gia's brother couldn't take down Angela Lansbury (this link has no significance; I just really thing A.L. is hot). And Vienna's dad, literally and figuratively taking Jake to the woodshed, tried to play as tough as he could. I feel the tough dad routine is for those who are concerned they haven't raised their kids well enough where they can make good decisions on their own. True story: I was talking to this very attractive girl one time and she was bragging to me how much her dad loved her, and he would tell all her gentleman-suitors that if his daughter wasn't home by 11:00, he had a gun and a shovel, and he wasn't afraid to use them. I, for the life of me, cannot figure out why you would bury a gun just because your daughter got home late...
Dismissal: Poor Ali. She has to choose between the work of an account executive and the lust of her life, all the while trying to figure out how to stop talking like a four year old. Whenever I forget how to use my words, I just make the hand gestures of a toddler. I think Ali is only 25, and if she really cared for Jake that much, I am pretty sure she could find suitable work at some point in the future. Then again, unemployment is a little higher than we'd all like to see. It would be different if she was 26, because as we all know, if you have found someone by that age, might as well give up... I hated to see Ali leave, but I love to watch her go...
Soon to be Dismissed: Jake. I've had my fill of this slack-jawed yokel. Maybe Jake's best match is Gia's brother. Eric's d-bagginess is on the surface, whereas Jake's is a bit more hidden, and I think that they were meant to be together. Plus, it kind of bothers me that Jake is all muscular but I don't believe he has the motor skills to throw a football or catch anything other than an STD. I also didn't like how he wasn't completely honest with Ali. He told her she wasn't on the line "tonight," but stopped short of giving any indication of how he felt about her the rest of the show. I think he has narrowed down his choice between Vienna and Tenley, and if that is true, he should have just let Ali have a clean break from the show.
Until next time,
Chuck Woolery
2/08/2010
J-Woww!
Wait a second, Jake's not dating anybody named J-Woww?! Yes, but the chick is cool. She claimed in one episode of Jersey Shore that "I have a bad habit of playing little emotional games with men. When they date me, it's cool in the beginning, we do our thing in the first month, and then I take them on a roller coaster ride to hell." Probably pretty true, but definitely funny. I would give major props to somebody who put this as their email signoff quote. (And no, I didn't know what "props" exactly stood for either.)
J-Woww also serves as a good reminder to me of how not to take a reality show too seriously. The Situation and Co. may be a distant illegitimate step-cousin of the virtuous, classy, and real Bachelor, but relatives are relatives.
Enough jibber-jabber, it's Showtime! I warned you and me, but now I'll go back to doing what I do, instead of what I say: making wide-sweeping universal statements and conclusions! It's getting to the point of the season where the serious dial gets turned up.
Reverse order tonight:
Vienna - I think there is another side to honesty when it isn't a good thing. Sometimes, people say, "I'm just being honest," when instead they are just being mean, jealous, or showing poor judgment. With Vienna, I would argue her "honesty" is often a case of lacking maturity or tact. That's why the girls didn't like her - not because she was seen as a threat. She's extremely close to her dad, yet he didn't know her ex-husband before she married him?! There are bad decisions, and then there are bad decisions. (Ouch, that was too soon.) Eloping with a stranger at 18 qualifies.
Tenley - the ex played a big role in Tenley's time tonight. I think people forget that you marry the family sometimes. Not only does Tenley have to get over him, but the rest of her family does too - especially mom and dad. We can tell her: "he cheated on you; he's a loser." However, an old saying is that it takes you twice as long to fall out of love as it does to fall in it. I don't know claim that's necessarily true, but the fall "out" part isn't always better or quicker because you have an obvious reason. Her family impressed me a lot, and I think Jake loved being asked by papa about respect and virtue. He sees himself as being strong in those areas, so what may seem like grilling was very welcomed by him.
Ali - Her grandma obviously played a big role in her life. It was a softer side that doesn't always come out with her. For some reason that brief mention of death and the finality of family-forming through marriage made me go, Woh. The answer to "can a guy fear commitment through the television?" is yes. It was a hard call with the work situation. She was looking for a YES!, and he gave her a yes. Although Ali made me thumper, I don't think her and Jake were the best match in the world. Probably for the best, even though we may see some more of her in the episodes to come.
Gia - the most reserved of the remaining crew, but I don't think that means she's any less into it. High walls can be worth climbing! Gia focuses a lot on being "special" in Jake's eyes. I'm cool with that. The half-brother's tough guy routine was a little odd. I think Jake was thrown off with the closing credits Mom-card-reading show, too. My dad's a big "don't let the sun go down on your anger" guy, so I liked hearing that from Jake. I don't find that guilt-inducing tactic (holding frustrations back) as very healthy. It may give you the upper-hand, but what does the upper-hand mean in something going nowhere? Part of the journey in building something good is figuring out ways to bring each other back from an unhappy spot.
Let's go the the Carribbean, mon. (Believe it or not, I think my brother sings that song better.)
J-Woww also serves as a good reminder to me of how not to take a reality show too seriously. The Situation and Co. may be a distant illegitimate step-cousin of the virtuous, classy, and real Bachelor, but relatives are relatives.
Enough jibber-jabber, it's Showtime! I warned you and me, but now I'll go back to doing what I do, instead of what I say: making wide-sweeping universal statements and conclusions! It's getting to the point of the season where the serious dial gets turned up.
Reverse order tonight:
Vienna - I think there is another side to honesty when it isn't a good thing. Sometimes, people say, "I'm just being honest," when instead they are just being mean, jealous, or showing poor judgment. With Vienna, I would argue her "honesty" is often a case of lacking maturity or tact. That's why the girls didn't like her - not because she was seen as a threat. She's extremely close to her dad, yet he didn't know her ex-husband before she married him?! There are bad decisions, and then there are bad decisions. (Ouch, that was too soon.) Eloping with a stranger at 18 qualifies.
Tenley - the ex played a big role in Tenley's time tonight. I think people forget that you marry the family sometimes. Not only does Tenley have to get over him, but the rest of her family does too - especially mom and dad. We can tell her: "he cheated on you; he's a loser." However, an old saying is that it takes you twice as long to fall out of love as it does to fall in it. I don't know claim that's necessarily true, but the fall "out" part isn't always better or quicker because you have an obvious reason. Her family impressed me a lot, and I think Jake loved being asked by papa about respect and virtue. He sees himself as being strong in those areas, so what may seem like grilling was very welcomed by him.
Ali - Her grandma obviously played a big role in her life. It was a softer side that doesn't always come out with her. For some reason that brief mention of death and the finality of family-forming through marriage made me go, Woh. The answer to "can a guy fear commitment through the television?" is yes. It was a hard call with the work situation. She was looking for a YES!, and he gave her a yes. Although Ali made me thumper, I don't think her and Jake were the best match in the world. Probably for the best, even though we may see some more of her in the episodes to come.
Gia - the most reserved of the remaining crew, but I don't think that means she's any less into it. High walls can be worth climbing! Gia focuses a lot on being "special" in Jake's eyes. I'm cool with that. The half-brother's tough guy routine was a little odd. I think Jake was thrown off with the closing credits Mom-card-reading show, too. My dad's a big "don't let the sun go down on your anger" guy, so I liked hearing that from Jake. I don't find that guilt-inducing tactic (holding frustrations back) as very healthy. It may give you the upper-hand, but what does the upper-hand mean in something going nowhere? Part of the journey in building something good is figuring out ways to bring each other back from an unhappy spot.
Let's go the the Carribbean, mon. (Believe it or not, I think my brother sings that song better.)
2/02/2010
Bracketology: Bubbles bursting
BAM! Last night you got zero, so in short order you're getting two.
Let's go chronologically. (For you Wisconsinites and Iowans out there, that means in order.)
First, we have Tenley. I'm drinking her koolaid right now. Like Jake said, she's always brings the positivity. From what I've seen, I would describe her as a realistic dreamer. Who isn't looking for that? I could envision Jake walking into the front door and saying, "Tenley, do you know what I think we could do to make our relationship better?" ... and she would drop every thought in her head and care very deeply about the next words coming out of his mouth. That's the dreamer part - good, better, best - one track mind. The realistic part is the maturity. She obviously has internalized her broken dreams and found a way to allow that to be a foundation for a new dream. Best of luck to this one.
Next, we've got the castle 2 on 1. Here's the thing about Vienna, although she's kind of turned into the show's resident villain / car crash, she doesn't come across as having evil intentions. I blame it more on her just not having that much going on upstairs in regards to the social / emotional intelligence scale. Maybe that's what is going on when she looks up all the time when she's talking. "If I try to look at my brain, will it help me find an appropriate decision?"
Commercial break: (I don't know when this showed up, but I'm putting it here.) Did the Marry Me Monday dude really ask his girl to marry him by saying I want you to be my "happy ending?!" Isn't that the line to use at the sensual massage parlor? It made me laugh.
Gia is impressing more and more. I had her labeled as the fruity model at first, but she is sensitive, introspective, kind, and patient. I think she's moved into Jake's top 2 (with Tenley).
That brings us to the biggest shocker line for me out of Jake's mouth so far: "You know I have dates with the other women, but I don't have the amazing moments that we did." Wow, that's the kind of reassurance you offer a sole girlfriend. He is (or has been edited to be) pretty cautious about what comes out of his mouth (other than his tongue, obviously).
Then, Vienna decides "it's getting late, and I need you now." I think Jake's finally fading in his interest for her.
Corrie reveals a shocking, startling, and virtually unimaginable bit of information about herself. So startling, in fact, that it deserves its own post. So for now, all I'm going to say is that I don't believe it was the reason Jake didn't pick her. They didn't have much chemistry.
Ali comes in as the closer in her adopted home town. She's friggin hot. Does Jake think of her as the girl who has too much fine rump to dump, but also is maybe too mean to have an enjoyable lasting relationship with? If they end up together, it would be a who's the boss fight fest. However, before you write her off, if we can learn anything from centuries of men on this earth, never underestimate the power of hot.
We now have our Final Four. I hope your bracket has survived.
The V Card
Yes, that V card, the one Corrie brought out. We're going there. Why? Am I an idiot? Very possibly. This topic has as much chance of pleasing a diverse audience as does a Palin-Franken duet. If being mind-numbingly entertained is your goal, please read a different post (or maybe even a different blog?). This one wouldn't be for you. OK, I'm jumping in now. Eeek!
When the virginity topic was brought up last night, I would guess many reactions were felt, including but not limited to: 1) oh jeez, don't go there, this is fantasy and I don't want anything to do with this Debbie Downer topic; 2) yeah! I like her more now; 3) what a prude; 4) thought so; 5) warm up the bus, you're gone! ... Point is, chances are, you felt something.
There is a continuum of positions (no, not those kinds of positions, Mr. Quagmire) on the, let's say, Sexual Progressivity Scale. On one end is the nuns, with the other side being the funs. (Or if you'd rather, the pures and the huuures.) We all have either established a certain place on that scale or have moved up and down it a bit. The chances of you finding someone who is at the exact same place you are on that scale is rare. This ... causes issues.
It causes issues because sex matters (a lot) to everybody. Quick, what is the first word that comes to mind that comes before "scandal"? Sex. It becomes a big part of many people's identities, in ways that bring both pride and shame / worry.
When you are feeling like you are on the "nun" side of the spectrum, you might feel proud about your values, your gift to a future (current) mate, your physical / emotional / spiritual health, your self-respect, and your everything-I-might-want-is-still-out-there-for-me attitude. However, just when you are confident about this, you start to wonder if it's really that big of a deal, if you're missing out on sweet adventures for being such a prude, whether you'll be any good when you actually are in the situation, whether you could even get some if you wanted some, and feel like you are seriously lacking in validation ... and judged by the "funs."
When you are feeling like you are on the "fun" side, you might feel proud about how desireable you are, how much fun you're having, how powerful you are, how adventurous you are, how living-life-to-the-fullest you are. However, you also have that nagging feeling that it's supposed to mean something more, it's great but also empty, worry if anyone I really care about will accept me for the mistakes I've made ... and feeling judged by the "nuns."
I'm not telling you where you should be on this scale. I'm saying that it's hard to be both a "nun" and a "fun" and there are people in this world who could make you feel like either one. When you're with somebody, assuming where the other person is on that scale, assuming what's gonna happen at what relationship stage, assuming that the other person resents the parts of you that are different from them ... are all damaging. If you find a way to build a mutual sexual identity that brings you fun AND peace of mind, that's a pretty cool thing.
And finally, I think the Bachelor went a bit overboard on the "shocking / startling" revelation stuff. Lies: Everybody has sex and everybody goes to college. Truth: 52% of high school graduates still hold their V card and 53% attend any college (27% attain a Bachelor's degree). I'd agree that the V card shift would be large over the next 7-10 years (which would include the ages of most on this show), but the number wouldn't disappear entirely. Are we going to get a shocking revelation that a contestant is left-handed next week? Highly doubt it.
Thanks for reading. Friends?
When the virginity topic was brought up last night, I would guess many reactions were felt, including but not limited to: 1) oh jeez, don't go there, this is fantasy and I don't want anything to do with this Debbie Downer topic; 2) yeah! I like her more now; 3) what a prude; 4) thought so; 5) warm up the bus, you're gone! ... Point is, chances are, you felt something.
There is a continuum of positions (no, not those kinds of positions, Mr. Quagmire) on the, let's say, Sexual Progressivity Scale. On one end is the nuns, with the other side being the funs. (Or if you'd rather, the pures and the huuures.) We all have either established a certain place on that scale or have moved up and down it a bit. The chances of you finding someone who is at the exact same place you are on that scale is rare. This ... causes issues.
It causes issues because sex matters (a lot) to everybody. Quick, what is the first word that comes to mind that comes before "scandal"? Sex. It becomes a big part of many people's identities, in ways that bring both pride and shame / worry.
When you are feeling like you are on the "nun" side of the spectrum, you might feel proud about your values, your gift to a future (current) mate, your physical / emotional / spiritual health, your self-respect, and your everything-I-might-want-is-still-out-there-for-me attitude. However, just when you are confident about this, you start to wonder if it's really that big of a deal, if you're missing out on sweet adventures for being such a prude, whether you'll be any good when you actually are in the situation, whether you could even get some if you wanted some, and feel like you are seriously lacking in validation ... and judged by the "funs."
When you are feeling like you are on the "fun" side, you might feel proud about how desireable you are, how much fun you're having, how powerful you are, how adventurous you are, how living-life-to-the-fullest you are. However, you also have that nagging feeling that it's supposed to mean something more, it's great but also empty, worry if anyone I really care about will accept me for the mistakes I've made ... and feeling judged by the "nuns."
I'm not telling you where you should be on this scale. I'm saying that it's hard to be both a "nun" and a "fun" and there are people in this world who could make you feel like either one. When you're with somebody, assuming where the other person is on that scale, assuming what's gonna happen at what relationship stage, assuming that the other person resents the parts of you that are different from them ... are all damaging. If you find a way to build a mutual sexual identity that brings you fun AND peace of mind, that's a pretty cool thing.
And finally, I think the Bachelor went a bit overboard on the "shocking / startling" revelation stuff. Lies: Everybody has sex and everybody goes to college. Truth: 52% of high school graduates still hold their V card and 53% attend any college (27% attain a Bachelor's degree). I'd agree that the V card shift would be large over the next 7-10 years (which would include the ages of most on this show), but the number wouldn't disappear entirely. Are we going to get a shocking revelation that a contestant is left-handed next week? Highly doubt it.
Thanks for reading. Friends?
I'd like to put the blame solely on the shoulders of ... myself
Sorry Bachelor Nation - I don't have time to post tonight. I was continuing my quest to play in every random basketball game imagineable in the greater metro area. As you are likely very interested in hearing, my squad successfully completed our undefeated season in the Attorney League! (no, I'm not a lawyer)
Afterwards, we had a "you were awesome," "No, you were awesome" praise ourselves fest at a nearby watering hole. I would imagine it being similar to a pre-party sorority house, telling each other "oh, that's cute," "you look amazing" conversations. Solid bonding. Anyway, I'll try to post tomorrow night.
Afterwards, we had a "you were awesome," "No, you were awesome" praise ourselves fest at a nearby watering hole. I would imagine it being similar to a pre-party sorority house, telling each other "oh, that's cute," "you look amazing" conversations. Solid bonding. Anyway, I'll try to post tomorrow night.
1/28/2010
Umm ... Crazy
I was listening to the radio the other day and the Bachelor became the topic of conversation. One of the hosts claimed that the girls on the show straddle the fence between trying "not to be crazy" and "showing Jake how much they like him." Some even ask him if he'd like to watch when they do the straddling. (Made that up.)
Let's evaluate that theory. Many of the "dismissed" regret that they didn't tell Jake how they feel earlier or in more detail. (I loved you from the moment I met you. No, I mean I loved you before I met you!) On the other hand, every season we see lots of "crazy" chicks hang around a lot longer than we think they maybe should (i.e. Vienna deVille).
I reckon that the lesson to be learned is that you can't do love without some crazy. If you try to hide the crazy, you'll probably miss out on some love. OK, that's maybe a bit overboard. You can do love without crazy. My mom doesn't hack into my dad's email or publicly seduce him (at least anymore ... why, why, did I go there? Brainflush, brainflush). But seriously, the mutual craziness stage can act like a glue that brings two together. When the craziness fades, the glue has formed and now you're stuck!, or committed and stable.
If you don't accept that some craziness is going to be involved, you probably should just sit out. If you constantly try to rationalize and suppress your impulses away, your object of affection will think you are not interested.
That's why I'm cool with a little bit of crazy. It's easy to criticize from the sidelines (which is what most who watch this show do), but the people in the show are giving it a shot. If someone allows themselves to show you their crazy, you are morally obligated to also show them yours. No. However, you should generally respect the attempt. If someone shows you their crazy, that just means they have excellent taste! Thanks, Mom. (Mom reference #2 - does that mean I need a psychologist?)
So Bachelorettes, keep telling me about your wedding plans with Jake, keep dreaming about what your kids are going to look like Conan-style, and keep crying when your multiple days long relationship ends roseless. At least you put out ... you know, your crazy.
Let's evaluate that theory. Many of the "dismissed" regret that they didn't tell Jake how they feel earlier or in more detail. (I loved you from the moment I met you. No, I mean I loved you before I met you!) On the other hand, every season we see lots of "crazy" chicks hang around a lot longer than we think they maybe should (i.e. Vienna deVille).
I reckon that the lesson to be learned is that you can't do love without some crazy. If you try to hide the crazy, you'll probably miss out on some love. OK, that's maybe a bit overboard. You can do love without crazy. My mom doesn't hack into my dad's email or publicly seduce him (at least anymore ... why, why, did I go there? Brainflush, brainflush). But seriously, the mutual craziness stage can act like a glue that brings two together. When the craziness fades, the glue has formed and now you're stuck!, or committed and stable.
If you don't accept that some craziness is going to be involved, you probably should just sit out. If you constantly try to rationalize and suppress your impulses away, your object of affection will think you are not interested.
That's why I'm cool with a little bit of crazy. It's easy to criticize from the sidelines (which is what most who watch this show do), but the people in the show are giving it a shot. If someone allows themselves to show you their crazy, you are morally obligated to also show them yours. No. However, you should generally respect the attempt. If someone shows you their crazy, that just means they have excellent taste! Thanks, Mom. (Mom reference #2 - does that mean I need a psychologist?)
So Bachelorettes, keep telling me about your wedding plans with Jake, keep dreaming about what your kids are going to look like Conan-style, and keep crying when your multiple days long relationship ends roseless. At least you put out ... you know, your crazy.
Hot Dogs! Get Your Hot Dogs!
Jake really seemed to be struggling this week with the decisions on who he was going to send home. He needs to remember that things could be much . . . much . . . worse . . . (I hated that book).
Initial Musings: I like Gia. She seems to be fairly level-headed, and doesn't seem to get too worked up in the drama of the other women, but holy Peter, Paul, and Mary, who says, "I've never been in an RV before; I'm very nervous." An RV is neither the equivalent of a submarine nor a space shuttle. There is no reason to be nervous, nor is there any reason to note that you have never ridden in this vehicle. Also, what's with the stilettos in the vineyard? Didn't you get the memo?
Jake seems like a decent enough guy, but he also has some tool-like qualities: I loved the scene where he was shaving outside before his date with Gia; who does he think he is? Also, I can't believe he was like, "We're going to eat hot dogs for dinner; I want to see if she can handle this..." This is the big test? Having her eat a hot dog? She's from New York, not PETA.
And what was going on when he had the one-on-one time on the group date? When he was laying (or is it lying?) across Tenley's lap, was he trying to talk to her or breast feed? Inappropriate Jake...
Dismissals: Ella seems nice enough, but she did nothing for me. It wasn't the kid issue. It may have been the accent. Kathryn, I hardly knew ye. You may have had a chance to live another week but you let your frustrations of a lack of Jake-time spill over into your opportunity to make a good impression or re-connect. I loved the staged, slow walk out to the bon fire to toss away the rose, letting his hopes for love vanish into the air with each smoldering petal. As far as Jessie, I think she survived week after week mostly because there were other girls he had to send home, and I think she was the beneficiary in flying under the radar. If this were the Olympics, and after the event was finished, we would have been treated to a little of this for Jessi.
Ashleigh's from Potomac, Maryland. I'd cross it for you. I think Ashleigh had it together more than a lot of these ladies. Maybe Jake's loss will be my gain.
The soon to be Dismissed: Vienna and Ali. I think it would be fitting if the two arch-enemies were sent backing in the same week.
Finally, a word about ending relationships: I'm sure everyone has trouble finding the right words when they are trying to end a relationship, but I find it incredibly disingenuous at how complimentary Jake is when he sends these ladies home. He goes on and on about what an amazing person each woman is. We don't really know if they are amazing or not. I would rather he just thank them for coming and that he wasn't feeling a connection.
I will, however, raise a glass to him for sending four women home this week instead of the minimum three. There is no sense is wasting their time if he knows it is not going to work out.
And what was with the COPS-style camera work when Jake went out to find Chris to discuss taking away an extra rose?
Until next time,
Chuck Woolery
1/25/2010
The Answer: 5 --- The Question: Survivors and Stages
Today, as a Viking Nation, we must begin our healing process. It's not really that different than what 24 or 25 of the ladies in Bachelor nation go through every season. In tonight's case, it was a surprising 4!
The Kubler-Ross model tells us that there are five stages of grief. These include:
1) Denial (not just a river in Africa).
2) Anger (Chicken Tetrazzini?! ... and in case you didn't catch it the first time ... Chicken Tetrazzini)
3) Bargaining (to a poker player this means saying "one time!" ... 100 times)
4) Depression (Don't be down! At this advanced stage of your life, you won't have to go through a break-up with anybody better!)
5) Acceptance ("I know I'm destined to be a victim for the rest of my cursed life, and I accept that." Umm, maybe that's a little bit of 2, sprinkled with some 4, but you get the picture.)
As a Vikings fan, you may go through this process by 1) hoping for an extra 5 seconds to look for a flag on the last play and avoid talk radio / newspapers for a day; 2) snap at the quasi-sports fan who tries to tell you it's just a game; 3) tell yourself that Brett will come back next year, Adrian will buy Stick Em, Winfield will impersonate Darelle Revis once again, and playoff magic is only a calendar turn away; 4) realize that training camp is like 6 months away and you live in a frozen tundra; 5) understand that you are the Chicago Cubs of football.
Unfortunately, the relationship break-up process doesn't have as nice of a concrete finish. With the Vikings, you prepared yourself for the final play by "don't fumble!," "catch it!," "tackle him!" stomach knots all day long. You also knew that Sunday evening would bring either a celebration or season closure.
The relationship game takes a lot more signal reading, face-saving, flip-flopping, excuse finding, lesson learning, answer searching, second chance wondering, theory busting confusion. The Bachelor even adds in a competitive factor that takes away the "bad timing" excuse and adds in the "it's not you, it's her" brutal honesty (sorry Ashleigh, he opted for Vienna).
I would argue that why many of us like watching this show is due to the fact that watching a break-up occur is fascinating. There's a rawness to that moment that many can't hide no matter how many cameras they know are focused on them.
As for tonight's episode, Jake was a cold-blooded dream killer.
Ashleigh went with the head sideways flirt move and the hands pretty much in his pockets play. If you pull out those big guns and he's not yours, well, there's not a whole lot more you can do. Not feeling it means not feeling it.
Ella didn't find her fella. I shouldn't jest about this, but I couldn't help but giggle when Jake asked her about her priorities, she said her son was #1, he said he wouldn't want to keep her from him, and she throws the little guy under the bus by saying if there's ANY chance that it's gonna work he's gotta let her stay.
Kathryn got serious and borderline accusatory with Jake before the chance for them to have fun together NOT serious. I don't think dishonesty or holding back was the answer, but it just didn't progress the way it usually does.
Jessie never had the opportunity to show us much. Too bad, she seemed cool.
Ali was a little better behaved than she was last week. It seems like Jake and her are in a relationship when they are together. I think there'd be some fireworks if Jake ends up with her, but maybe it'd be good for Mr. Vanilla to take on some butterscotch.
Corrie survives for another week. She has a very expressive face. I don't know what that means.
The Kubler-Ross model tells us that there are five stages of grief. These include:
1) Denial (not just a river in Africa).
2) Anger (Chicken Tetrazzini?! ... and in case you didn't catch it the first time ... Chicken Tetrazzini)
3) Bargaining (to a poker player this means saying "one time!" ... 100 times)
4) Depression (Don't be down! At this advanced stage of your life, you won't have to go through a break-up with anybody better!)
5) Acceptance ("I know I'm destined to be a victim for the rest of my cursed life, and I accept that." Umm, maybe that's a little bit of 2, sprinkled with some 4, but you get the picture.)
As a Vikings fan, you may go through this process by 1) hoping for an extra 5 seconds to look for a flag on the last play and avoid talk radio / newspapers for a day; 2) snap at the quasi-sports fan who tries to tell you it's just a game; 3) tell yourself that Brett will come back next year, Adrian will buy Stick Em, Winfield will impersonate Darelle Revis once again, and playoff magic is only a calendar turn away; 4) realize that training camp is like 6 months away and you live in a frozen tundra; 5) understand that you are the Chicago Cubs of football.
Unfortunately, the relationship break-up process doesn't have as nice of a concrete finish. With the Vikings, you prepared yourself for the final play by "don't fumble!," "catch it!," "tackle him!" stomach knots all day long. You also knew that Sunday evening would bring either a celebration or season closure.
The relationship game takes a lot more signal reading, face-saving, flip-flopping, excuse finding, lesson learning, answer searching, second chance wondering, theory busting confusion. The Bachelor even adds in a competitive factor that takes away the "bad timing" excuse and adds in the "it's not you, it's her" brutal honesty (sorry Ashleigh, he opted for Vienna).
I would argue that why many of us like watching this show is due to the fact that watching a break-up occur is fascinating. There's a rawness to that moment that many can't hide no matter how many cameras they know are focused on them.
As for tonight's episode, Jake was a cold-blooded dream killer.
Ashleigh went with the head sideways flirt move and the hands pretty much in his pockets play. If you pull out those big guns and he's not yours, well, there's not a whole lot more you can do. Not feeling it means not feeling it.
Ella didn't find her fella. I shouldn't jest about this, but I couldn't help but giggle when Jake asked her about her priorities, she said her son was #1, he said he wouldn't want to keep her from him, and she throws the little guy under the bus by saying if there's ANY chance that it's gonna work he's gotta let her stay.
Kathryn got serious and borderline accusatory with Jake before the chance for them to have fun together NOT serious. I don't think dishonesty or holding back was the answer, but it just didn't progress the way it usually does.
Jessie never had the opportunity to show us much. Too bad, she seemed cool.
Ali was a little better behaved than she was last week. It seems like Jake and her are in a relationship when they are together. I think there'd be some fireworks if Jake ends up with her, but maybe it'd be good for Mr. Vanilla to take on some butterscotch.
Corrie survives for another week. She has a very expressive face. I don't know what that means.
Gia's awesome. I'd use a better word, but boys aren't good with words. I played a game of Taboo the other weekend and the dudes were absolutely dominated by the chicks. I know our gender is known to be slower developers, but shouldn't we catch up by now? I'm trying to get by in life with points and grunts.
Vienna. I'm not ashamed to admit it, I let out a little Paul Allen NO! when you received your rose.
Tenley - Becoming America's Sweetheart. This young lady must read the same books my sister does because they use the same phrase-ology sometimes. However, my sister also brings the shock and awe when she deems it appropriate. (I don't think she reads me much, so let's just call this a prod / test). :)
1/21/2010
Weeding out the weirdos
Jonah had Lasik today and is a piano short of being mistaken for this dude. We disagreed on which TV show to watch tonight and I guess the blind guy won. For a split second, it made we want to do this (about the 4:57 mark). Thankfully, discretion prevailed...
I thought this week did a nice job of revealing, in the cases where there may still have been some doubt, the true character of some of the ladies. As Jonah so astutely pointed out earlier in the week, Ali has no problem stirring the pot. I liked it when she said "My date with Jake was so special that it is weird to see him go on another one on one..." Someone needs to explain to Ali how the show works.
The dismissals:
Elizabeth got what was coming. Valishia, on the other hand, didn't seem like she had a fair shake. Maybe Jake knew that she wasn't for him, but I would have preferred that she received a little more face time. She did, however, give a very good woe-is-me routine during her departure. I was a little concerned that the producers were going to keep Michelle around just for the sake of keeping a crazy person who can create a lot of controversy, but alas, they didn't have to make that decision because Vienna got a rose.
The soon to be departed:
Vienna has to be one of the next to go. Watching her come back after her one on one, raving how well it went, was like leaving a job interview and stopping by all the remaining applicants in the reception area and telling them how great your interview was. She needs to understand who her audience is.
Ali can leave too. As has been discussed at length, she seems more bully than bombshell. To Jake, she might be an angel, but America knows better.
I know its hard when everyone is competing for the same man's attention, and ultimately, the same "prize," but I would like to see the ladies treat each other with a little more respect. Having watched this show, I think it's safe to say that only women get catty... Maybe they all want to "win" too much, which makes me wonder: do they all like him that much, or do they just want to be the last lioness standing? If I were a part of this show, or the appropriate equivalent, I would have to assess how much that particular affection was worth to me.
Until next time,
Chuck Woolery
I thought this week did a nice job of revealing, in the cases where there may still have been some doubt, the true character of some of the ladies. As Jonah so astutely pointed out earlier in the week, Ali has no problem stirring the pot. I liked it when she said "My date with Jake was so special that it is weird to see him go on another one on one..." Someone needs to explain to Ali how the show works.
The dismissals:
Elizabeth got what was coming. Valishia, on the other hand, didn't seem like she had a fair shake. Maybe Jake knew that she wasn't for him, but I would have preferred that she received a little more face time. She did, however, give a very good woe-is-me routine during her departure. I was a little concerned that the producers were going to keep Michelle around just for the sake of keeping a crazy person who can create a lot of controversy, but alas, they didn't have to make that decision because Vienna got a rose.
The soon to be departed:
Vienna has to be one of the next to go. Watching her come back after her one on one, raving how well it went, was like leaving a job interview and stopping by all the remaining applicants in the reception area and telling them how great your interview was. She needs to understand who her audience is.
Ali can leave too. As has been discussed at length, she seems more bully than bombshell. To Jake, she might be an angel, but America knows better.
I know its hard when everyone is competing for the same man's attention, and ultimately, the same "prize," but I would like to see the ladies treat each other with a little more respect. Having watched this show, I think it's safe to say that only women get catty... Maybe they all want to "win" too much, which makes me wonder: do they all like him that much, or do they just want to be the last lioness standing? If I were a part of this show, or the appropriate equivalent, I would have to assess how much that particular affection was worth to me.
Until next time,
Chuck Woolery
1/18/2010
Species and feces
I have to start with Michelle. Wow. "I think of myself as very attractive and Vienna, she's totally opposite of who I am ... as far as what I see on the outside." That belongs in a pageant. Next comes the Species talk about the crazy clothes-off animal makeout. Just creepy. Then, she goes with the whole "kiss me and I'll see if there is a spark" routine. I think sometimes when a relationship gets to the end people say "I deserve to hear certain words and do certain things with you before we go our separate ways." It's like a conquer and release mode that's very destructive. Leave gracefully before reaching that point. MUCH easier said than done.
The comedy club was painful. Ouch. I wanted to turn away ... but I couldn't. (Tigger looking for Pooh was OK, the blonde jokes were the winner by default, I guess.) There are a lot of funny girls in this world, and these ladies gave those that are a bad name. I don't know why guys are able to make fun of each other and it not seem catty, but it seems like it is when chicks do it. Any theories or explanations for that would be appreciated.
I would much rather be positive, and I will get there, but I have to talk about my girl Ali first. Tonight, gotta say you were a bit of a bully. Our honeymoon may be over. Stop picking on Michelle and Vienna. These are the weakest links and easiest targets. The impressive move is to pick on another strong individual who is leading people in the wrong direction. Don't be the coach who cuts the 4th string right guard for going offsides to prove how tough you are. Ali, just lay low with the girls, take advantage of your time with Jake, and trust that he's going to make the right decisions in the end.
Ella is alright. "Oh, ma gosh! That's not just a Wal-Mart; that's a SUPER Wal-Mart!" She reminds me of the southern lady in a Garth Brooks song. I learned I'm jealous of dolphin verticals.
Tenley impressed once again. There are people who go through tough stuff in life and decide to keep putting themselves into those situations. There are others who go through struggles and gain compassion, perspective, and humility. Tenley's looking like the latter. I think it's more important to find someone whom you want to have next to you in the tough times than someone to have on your arm at your greatest achievements. If that's what Jake's looking for, Tenley may be his girl. (P.S. I think the pregnancy advertisement was clever editing of a joke she was telling Jake.)
Valishia, we barely knew thee.
Elizabeth didn't go home because she didn't kiss him. She went home because she has two c ... cu ... you know, things down there! Talk about developing a dude's inadequacy issues, geesh. Seriously, she went home because she wanted to play the flirty games. In the real world you may have time for that; here, you don't. You have to take advantage of your time and be sincere. Intimacy requires some level of specialness to share between people, and vulnerability is one of the main ingredients. She didn't want to go there, and it cost her.
Looking forward to road tripping week!
1/14/2010
Allow myself....to introduce....myself....
In order to make this blogging experience more pleasurable for everyone, via additional posts, Jonah has agreed to let me post something periodically. Full frontal disclosure: my bachelor knowledge is limited to the two episodes of this season. I have not watched the show in the past; I tuned in to this season's series in an effort to spend more time with Jonah. I like it when he holds me in his big, strong arms.
Come fly with me, some first impressions:
The dismissals: I was happy to see Christina leave for two reasons. First, the only thing lower than her self esteem is interest rates. I understand that everyone gets nervous when you're trying to make a good first impression, but I thought her desperation for attention overshadowed her interest in finding a connection with Jake. Secondly, her stunt with the going-away-gifts in the first episode was rude and unnecessary. It accomplished little and brought nothing positive to the show.
Ashley: I can't remember a whole lot about you, and I suspect you failed to make a lasting impression on Jake as well. While I like that you didn't create drama just to get noticed, its unfortunate, giving your limited time on the show, that more of your personality wasn't able to shine through to Jake. Unfortunately, this game requires you to make a lasting impression, and I fear that our bachelor is unable to take a step back and assess the personalities of the quiet ones.
Rozlyn: The only thing worse than you losing your focus and sleeping with some staffer was ABC's drooling over the fact that you lost your focus and slept with some other staffer. It almost appeared that Chris was going to start laughing when he told Jake, which demonstrates just how serious ABC felt this issue was: it was so serious that they have spent a couple of weeks plugging this "deplorable act" on their website. As Ari Gold once said, you might be a whore, Rozlyn, but you're not a pimp--that's ABC.
While Rozlyn only has herself to blame for going home early, I'm not sure why everyone on the show feigns such shock and dismay. I like this show. But I am also able to see that they are trying to create "love" in a test tube. And sometimes your test tube efforts have unintended consequences.
The soon to be dismissed (I hope): I hope this week was the penultimate one for Michelle. "Diamonds, diamonds, diamonds, diamonds..." I was waiting to hear her thank all the 12 year old boys in Sierra Leone who lost an arm for that necklace, but she must have just forgot... Also, she reminds me of this:
Elizabeth: Nice note. Did your 16 year old sister stay up all night to write that note or did she have it prepared before for you left? Kissing schmissing. I think you are more self absorbed than being "true" to any values or feelings. Weird that when you got that alone time you almost reneged on your own demands by going in for that kiss...
Other Musings: Group date #2: Amusement parks are fun. Unless they're not.
Ladies: Try asking Jake some questions about his past instead of talking about all of your failed relationships from yesteryear. There is no reason to volunteer all skeletons you carry with you on dates 1-10. This means you Vienna.
Ali. A quicker than usual pre-flight routine by my pilot usually gives me cause for concern; it does not make my loins burn. I tell all my pilots to take their time in inspecting the plane before take-off. That being said, the producers could have given you a heads up about that motorcycle ride when you stepped out in that yellow canary dress. Maybe the producers were too busy to think about that though...
Come fly with me, some first impressions:
The dismissals: I was happy to see Christina leave for two reasons. First, the only thing lower than her self esteem is interest rates. I understand that everyone gets nervous when you're trying to make a good first impression, but I thought her desperation for attention overshadowed her interest in finding a connection with Jake. Secondly, her stunt with the going-away-gifts in the first episode was rude and unnecessary. It accomplished little and brought nothing positive to the show.
Ashley: I can't remember a whole lot about you, and I suspect you failed to make a lasting impression on Jake as well. While I like that you didn't create drama just to get noticed, its unfortunate, giving your limited time on the show, that more of your personality wasn't able to shine through to Jake. Unfortunately, this game requires you to make a lasting impression, and I fear that our bachelor is unable to take a step back and assess the personalities of the quiet ones.
Rozlyn: The only thing worse than you losing your focus and sleeping with some staffer was ABC's drooling over the fact that you lost your focus and slept with some other staffer. It almost appeared that Chris was going to start laughing when he told Jake, which demonstrates just how serious ABC felt this issue was: it was so serious that they have spent a couple of weeks plugging this "deplorable act" on their website. As Ari Gold once said, you might be a whore, Rozlyn, but you're not a pimp--that's ABC.
While Rozlyn only has herself to blame for going home early, I'm not sure why everyone on the show feigns such shock and dismay. I like this show. But I am also able to see that they are trying to create "love" in a test tube. And sometimes your test tube efforts have unintended consequences.
The soon to be dismissed (I hope): I hope this week was the penultimate one for Michelle. "Diamonds, diamonds, diamonds, diamonds..." I was waiting to hear her thank all the 12 year old boys in Sierra Leone who lost an arm for that necklace, but she must have just forgot... Also, she reminds me of this:
Elizabeth: Nice note. Did your 16 year old sister stay up all night to write that note or did she have it prepared before for you left? Kissing schmissing. I think you are more self absorbed than being "true" to any values or feelings. Weird that when you got that alone time you almost reneged on your own demands by going in for that kiss...
Other Musings: Group date #2: Amusement parks are fun. Unless they're not.
Ladies: Try asking Jake some questions about his past instead of talking about all of your failed relationships from yesteryear. There is no reason to volunteer all skeletons you carry with you on dates 1-10. This means you Vienna.
Ali. A quicker than usual pre-flight routine by my pilot usually gives me cause for concern; it does not make my loins burn. I tell all my pilots to take their time in inspecting the plane before take-off. That being said, the producers could have given you a heads up about that motorcycle ride when you stepped out in that yellow canary dress. Maybe the producers were too busy to think about that though...
Jonah told me no F words. F that.
1/12/2010
Man Cleave
This post is brought to you by Jake's top button. He won't be needing it this season. Who said only the ladies can bring the cleave?
Do you know what I'm looking forward to next week? Some soft core forehead action!
Group date 2 kind of felt like the B squad.
Producers: Alright, Chris. You have to go out and tell Rozlyn she's a hoo-er from hoo-ville. You also have to totally take it seriously. If you succeed, you might just see a daytime emmy hosting gig in your next contract!
The real reason for this post was two-fold. 1) 12 people are participating in the pool we gots going on. Picks listed below. Thanks to Jes for organizing!
2) If any of you commenters feel like second-class citizens only appearing as "comments," you are more than welcome to add your own post. I know we have a guest poster or two on the horizon. Just email me, and I'll give you the access. Unlike basketball, there are unlimited "touches" available. You don't need to test the free agent market in a search for a better outlet.
PICKS:
Joe: Ali, Ella, ElizabethHeather: Ali, Elizabeth, Corrie
Jonah: Ali, Elizabeth, Rozlyn
Allison: Ali, Elizabeth, Tenley
Jes: Ali, Tenley, Elizabeth
KJ: Ali, Tenley, Gia
Kristy: Ali, Tenley, Gia (Elizabeth, Ashley)
Michele: Ali, Valishia, Corrie
Alex: Elizabeth, Ali, Tenley
Katie: Kathryn, Elizabeth, Ali
Steve: Rozlyn, Gia, Ali
Charlie: Tenley, Gia, Ali
The Art and Sciences
Oh Rozlyn, you and your janefoolery. You established your place in Bachelor history with your own Bill Clinton moment. "What they mean by inappropriate relationship is not what inappropriate means in the real world. I did have a relationship with someone ... that didn't benefit them." So from that, are we able to conclude that it did benefit you? I'm sure woman-kind is so proud of you for advancing the cause. I'm burning my next bra in your honor.
You may soon notice that I picked her in my top 3?! Yes, yes I did. But not for virtuous reasons. I was thinking she might be one of those graduates of the School of Flirtology. You know the kind (could be a man or woman). They may or may not have intelligent conversational abilities; however, they choose not to use them. Every joke is shallow and sexual (as opposed to deep and penetrating). The thing about these flirtologists is that although you know it's kind of "fake talk," it also makes you feel good. With all the "you are my destiny" hyperbole floating around, I thought she might stick around for a while as a hot bimbo. I was kind of right, and then I became totally wrong (says Captain Obvious).
I'm a big fan of the one-on-one with the famous musician(s). Flying around, bungee jumping, helicopter rides, fast cars: I wouldn't be jealous of any of it. A personal concert, now that would do it. This was a good one, but the best in Bachelor history was Natasha Bedingfield, in my humble opinion.
Ali be McStealing my heart right now. The happiness tears, the girl noises, ahh. She even found a way to show him how much she liked him, yet it still seemed like he was chasing her. Can somebody say frontrunner?
Elizabeth - Jury's still out. I'm cool with the holding back, but is it game playing, self absorption, or some kind of true-to-yourself position?
A huge pet peeve scab of mine has been scratched in this episode. Diamond Lust. Seriously, I can't stand it. When girls even are 99% joking about "All that matters is that we love each other ... but I'd still want a ring that was AT LEAST a karat," I want to escape to a far away place. I'll take emotionally high maintenance over fashionably high maintenance 8 days a week. Unless, of course, it gets to Michelle level highest maintenance, which almost deserves another term. Guys would expect access granted to other family jewels to rank higher on the priority list / shriek scale, but maybe that's just the difference between the genders.
Finally, and this may be more of a midweek riff but I'll just go with it now, it's probably not fair to get mad at Jake for giving Rozlyn / Michelle / Vienna? roses and sending the NY Elizabeth / any of your other favorites home early on. Most people get a relationship going based on a combination of three things: chemistry, compatibility, and choices.
Compatibility and choices are like sciences, which are fairly easy to argue about and reason with. You can fill out an online profile that would find you a decent partner on the compatibility scale. And for some in today's world, that compatibility screenage is a great place to start. Do you like dogs? Would you live in Texas? What's your favorite sports team? NSync or Backstreet? Is God cool or not cool? Team Jacob or team Edward? How would you define physical boundaries in a progressing relationship setting? Do you want kids or a comfortable retirement? Just kidding, I'd choose children (this sentence is sponsored by Mom-guilt).
Choices often involve what I call the "shoulds." I SHOULD date someone who treats me well, is honest with me, isn't current romantically involved with someone else, is younger than my parents / older than Miley Cyrus, is taller / shorter than me, didn't recently break my best bud's heart, etc. Choices also come along the lines of is my heart ready to get back in a relationship again?, will dating have a negative impact on work, school, or my video games?, and are those irksome traits in my partner deal-breakers or opportunities for compromise?
Last but not least, we get chemistry. It's the art (well, it's technically a science too ... don't bug me) of the big 3. It can't be forced, it can't be reasoned with, it is hard to predict, and it is powerful. It's what makes you hold eye contact with that person for just a split second longer. It's what makes you inch towards her subconsciously. It's what sends you on an out-of-the-way path through the living room on the way to the kitchen just so you can kiss her forehead or slide your hand across her back. It's also the scary one. It's the one you can't control. It's the one that doesn't always jive with the "shoulds." It's viewed as an easy excuse. It's the one you try to convince yourself can conquer the other two. It might also be the one that you just wait around to show up cuz the other two are so totally there ... but it never does.
In some ways, we KNOW more about these girls than Jake does. We see them behind the scenes. Jake probably has to put a lot more weight on the chemistry than he may wish were the case. Something to think about.
Enough of my rambling. What'd y'all think? Excellent comments so far, by the way.
1/06/2010
High School Sweethearts
Jake, a little attitude adjustment would be appreciated. The whole "nice guys finish last" shtick is getting a tad old. This also includes phrases such as "I've been on so many first dates," "I don't know how many times I've been told I'm too perfect," and "I'm soooo unlucky in love." This last phrase is what I want to focus on.
I think there's a big difference between saying you are unlucky in love, and your story being unfinished. Maybe he's had some bad breaks along the way, I don't really know, but just being single doesn't mean you are unlucky.
Some high school sweethearts are firsts, onlys, and forevers; that's a great story. Some have peaks and valleys (maybe even trenches) before getting their broken roads blessed (can't get enough of that song).
Those stories are just as cool. Your story is special however it plays out.
Finally and furthermore, I'm going back to the high school sweetheart thing. We all may not be 18 anymore, but that doesn't mean that there isn't someone out there for us who IS. Don't give up hope.
(That ending's what I call a curveball.)
1/05/2010
Night 1
... and we're off on the roller coaster.
What a group of hotties! I am pleasantly first impressioned.
Michelle is super-confident. She controlled the opening conversation with her eyes, in a good way. Argh. Never mind. Watched the rest of the show and she falls apart. Women, why do I even try to understand thee?
A different Ali may have said "I'm the king of the world!" but this Ali's in the running for queen of mine. She reminds me a bit of Rebecca from "Brothers and Sisters," which is a good thing. I even like the raspy voice. I know, that's weird. I decided I liked girls in overalls during college cuz one attractive one wore them all the time. Can't really defend that.
Tenley's a sweetheart. I remember hearing in a junior high lyceum one time that 98% of marriages between 2 virgins do not end in divorce, so whether you believe that or not, I give her my sympathies and best wishes about getting over the tough times. No one deserves to be cheated on. She comes across as quite meek, which may not survive this kind of house too long.
Ashleigh - YOU are the reason the scale goes to 10. Waiting ... waiting ... ladies, are you still reading? I'm just messing with you. Yes, I do find her cute, but would think most girls would cringe at the valley girl-ness. Was that a dress or a sarong?
"Love is more powerful than flying." Thanks, Jake. Just so you all know, I also find love more powerful than public accounting. I'm guessing I know guys who find love more powerful than media relations, teaching, and the actuarial sciences as well.
Christina - Why make enemies before the game begins with the parting gifts? Bad, dumb move. Major b-word points.
Air National Guard Captain Elizabeth REALLY impressed me. She seems to have a great personality, is self-aware, funny, and has a warmness I find quite appealing. I might even move her into the #1 slot. And then he let her go! Boo! He made some questionable decisions with the roses.
I got a roommate who has been to Geneva, but he would like to spend a night in "Vienna" sometime. Ayo! (Rim shot)
Corrie, you get the "deer in the headlights" freak-out points for the "What do you think about Kissimmee (sounds like "kissing me") line. Reminds me of the recently released beer commercial with the guy struggling to say love you.
Tiana kinda looks plastic.
Channy - Landing strip joke? Pack your bags cuz your landing strip is located in flyover country.
I wanted to make fun of Ed and Jake, but they both were pretty cool tonight.
Great call with bringing out the football. You can tell a lot about a guy by the way he throws a football? Sweet. However, Jake throws like a linebacker. Sorry, shouldn't say stuff like that. Many don't know this, but quarterbacks are on the fringe of acceptance in football circles. The general public think football is all about the qb, but the guys doing the grunt work don't always appreciate the nancy boy wearing the "don't hit me" red jersey in practice and sliding to prevent getting hit. QBs must submit themselves to the culture and thank their linemen, throw a block every once in a while, and respect the body-movers. If you tell a linebacker he throws like an LB, he'll probably tell you that you hit like a quarterback. He'll probably even show you how to hit like a linebacker in short order, so just don't even go there.
I have so much more to say, but going to bed is probably a better decision at this point. Fill the comments up! I'd like to believe I'm not talking to myself. :)
1/03/2010
First Date
Anticipation becomes reality tonight. 25 blind dates going on. I'm sure preparation has included whitestripping some teeth, agonizing about opening lines, fake baking, utilizing gym memberships, dreaming about elegantly stepping out of the limo, and taking a razor to places that haven't seen one in a while (Seth Meyers: "Really?" Amy Poehler: "REALLY?" ... Me: Yeah, I guess I went there. Not saying I'm proud of it.)
I have some modest requests for the 26 main characters.
First, Jake. Enjoy your time in fantasy land! However, please take care of the 25 hearts that are temporarily yours. Pay attention to the way the girls interact with each other. You don't have to pick miss congeniality, but a general kindness and civility from a good partner will be noticeable.
Second, ladies. The great Herm Edwards (ex-NFL coach) once famously said: "You PLAY to WIN the GAME!" I encourage you to disregard that advice. Do not play to win the game. OK, maybe a couple of you can play to win the game and create some drama for our entertainment. The rest of you should be true to who you are and only want to "win" if you think the two of you are the best match. Finally, resist the urge to rush it. First impression rose girls rarely last until the end. Your exclusive relationship is still many weeks away.
P.S. I hear Ed's gonna be on the premiere. Not gonna lie, kinda looking forward to making fun of him.
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