Allow myself....to introduce....myself....

In order to make this blogging experience more pleasurable for everyone, via additional posts, Jonah has agreed to let me post something periodically. Full frontal disclosure: my bachelor knowledge is limited to the two episodes of this season. I have not watched the show in the past; I tuned in to this season's series in an effort to spend more time with Jonah. I like it when he holds me in his big, strong arms.


Come fly with me, some first impressions:


The dismissals: I was happy to see Christina leave for two reasons. First, the only thing lower than her self esteem is interest rates. I understand that everyone gets nervous when you're trying to make a good first impression, but I thought her desperation for attention overshadowed her interest in finding a connection with Jake. Secondly, her stunt with the going-away-gifts in the first episode was rude and unnecessary. It accomplished little and brought nothing positive to the show.


Ashley: I can't remember a whole lot about you, and I suspect you failed to make a lasting impression on Jake as well. While I like that you didn't create drama just to get noticed, its unfortunate, giving your limited time on the show, that more of your personality wasn't able to shine through to Jake. Unfortunately, this game requires you to make a lasting impression, and I fear that our bachelor is unable to take a step back and assess the personalities of the quiet ones.


Rozlyn: The only thing worse than you losing your focus and sleeping with some staffer was ABC's drooling over the fact that you lost your focus and slept with some other staffer. It almost appeared that Chris was going to start laughing when he told Jake, which demonstrates just how serious ABC felt this issue was: it was so serious that they have spent a couple of weeks plugging this "deplorable act" on their website. As Ari Gold once said, you might be a whore, Rozlyn, but you're not a pimp--that's ABC.


While Rozlyn only has herself to blame for going home early, I'm not sure why everyone on the show feigns such shock and dismay. I like this show. But I am also able to see that they are trying to create "love" in a test tube. And sometimes your test tube efforts have unintended consequences.



The soon to be dismissed (I hope): I hope this week was the penultimate one for Michelle. "Diamonds, diamonds, diamonds, diamonds..." I was waiting to hear her thank all the 12 year old boys in Sierra Leone who lost an arm for that necklace, but she must have just forgot... Also, she reminds me of this:


Elizabeth: Nice note. Did your 16 year old sister stay up all night to write that note or did she have it prepared before for you left? Kissing schmissing. I think you are more self absorbed than being "true" to any values or feelings. Weird that when you got that alone time you almost reneged on your own demands by going in for that kiss...


Other Musings: Group date #2: Amusement parks are fun. Unless they're not.


Ladies: Try asking Jake some questions about his past instead of talking about all of your failed relationships from yesteryear. There is no reason to volunteer all skeletons you carry with you on dates 1-10. This means you Vienna.


Ali. A quicker than usual pre-flight routine by my pilot usually gives me cause for concern; it does not make my loins burn. I tell all my pilots to take their time in inspecting the plane before take-off. That being said, the producers could have given you a heads up about that motorcycle ride when you stepped out in that yellow canary dress. Maybe the producers were too busy to think about that though...

Jonah told me no F words. F that.

Man Cleave

This post is brought to you by Jake's top button. He won't be needing it this season. Who said only the ladies can bring the cleave?

Do you know what I'm looking forward to next week? Some soft core forehead action!

Group date 2 kind of felt like the B squad.

Producers: Alright, Chris. You have to go out and tell Rozlyn she's a hoo-er from hoo-ville. You also have to totally take it seriously. If you succeed, you might just see a daytime emmy hosting gig in your next contract!

The real reason for this post was two-fold. 1) 12 people are participating in the pool we gots going on. Picks listed below. Thanks to Jes for organizing!

2) If any of you commenters feel like second-class citizens only appearing as "comments," you are more than welcome to add your own post. I know we have a guest poster or two on the horizon. Just email me, and I'll give you the access. Unlike basketball, there are unlimited "touches" available. You don't need to test the free agent market in a search for a better outlet.

PICKS:

Joe: Ali, Ella, Elizabeth
Heather: Ali, Elizabeth, Corrie
Jonah: Ali, Elizabeth, Rozlyn
Allison: Ali, Elizabeth, Tenley
Jes: Ali, Tenley, Elizabeth
KJ: Ali, Tenley, Gia
Kristy: Ali, Tenley, Gia (Elizabeth, Ashley)
Michele: Ali, Valishia, Corrie
Alex: Elizabeth, Ali, Tenley
Katie: Kathryn, Elizabeth, Ali
Steve: Rozlyn, Gia, Ali
Charlie: Tenley, Gia, Ali

The Art and Sciences

Oh Rozlyn, you and your janefoolery. You established your place in Bachelor history with your own Bill Clinton moment. "What they mean by inappropriate relationship is not what inappropriate means in the real world. I did have a relationship with someone ... that didn't benefit them." So from that, are we able to conclude that it did benefit you? I'm sure woman-kind is so proud of you for advancing the cause. I'm burning my next bra in your honor.

You may soon notice that I picked her in my top 3?! Yes, yes I did. But not for virtuous reasons. I was thinking she might be one of those graduates of the School of Flirtology. You know the kind (could be a man or woman). They may or may not have intelligent conversational abilities; however, they choose not to use them. Every joke is shallow and sexual (as opposed to deep and penetrating). The thing about these flirtologists is that although you know it's kind of "fake talk," it also makes you feel good. With all the "you are my destiny" hyperbole floating around, I thought she might stick around for a while as a hot bimbo. I was kind of right, and then I became totally wrong (says Captain Obvious).

I'm a big fan of the one-on-one with the famous musician(s). Flying around, bungee jumping, helicopter rides, fast cars: I wouldn't be jealous of any of it. A personal concert, now that would do it. This was a good one, but the best in Bachelor history was Natasha Bedingfield, in my humble opinion.

Ali be McStealing my heart right now. The happiness tears, the girl noises, ahh. She even found a way to show him how much she liked him, yet it still seemed like he was chasing her. Can somebody say frontrunner?

Elizabeth - Jury's still out. I'm cool with the holding back, but is it game playing, self absorption, or some kind of true-to-yourself position?

A huge pet peeve scab of mine has been scratched in this episode. Diamond Lust. Seriously, I can't stand it. When girls even are 99% joking about "All that matters is that we love each other ... but I'd still want a ring that was AT LEAST a karat," I want to escape to a far away place. I'll take emotionally high maintenance over fashionably high maintenance 8 days a week. Unless, of course, it gets to Michelle level highest maintenance, which almost deserves another term. Guys would expect access granted to other family jewels to rank higher on the priority list / shriek scale, but maybe that's just the difference between the genders.

Finally, and this may be more of a midweek riff but I'll just go with it now, it's probably not fair to get mad at Jake for giving Rozlyn / Michelle / Vienna? roses and sending the NY Elizabeth / any of your other favorites home early on. Most people get a relationship going based on a combination of three things: chemistry, compatibility, and choices.

Compatibility and choices are like sciences, which are fairly easy to argue about and reason with. You can fill out an online profile that would find you a decent partner on the compatibility scale. And for some in today's world, that compatibility screenage is a great place to start. Do you like dogs? Would you live in Texas? What's your favorite sports team? NSync or Backstreet? Is God cool or not cool? Team Jacob or team Edward? How would you define physical boundaries in a progressing relationship setting? Do you want kids or a comfortable retirement? Just kidding, I'd choose children (this sentence is sponsored by Mom-guilt).

Choices often involve what I call the "shoulds." I SHOULD date someone who treats me well, is honest with me, isn't current romantically involved with someone else, is younger than my parents / older than Miley Cyrus, is taller / shorter than me, didn't recently break my best bud's heart, etc. Choices also come along the lines of is my heart ready to get back in a relationship again?, will dating have a negative impact on work, school, or my video games?, and are those irksome traits in my partner deal-breakers or opportunities for compromise?

Last but not least, we get chemistry. It's the art (well, it's technically a science too ... don't bug me) of the big 3. It can't be forced, it can't be reasoned with, it is hard to predict, and it is powerful. It's what makes you hold eye contact with that person for just a split second longer. It's what makes you inch towards her subconsciously. It's what sends you on an out-of-the-way path through the living room on the way to the kitchen just so you can kiss her forehead or slide your hand across her back. It's also the scary one. It's the one you can't control. It's the one that doesn't always jive with the "shoulds." It's viewed as an easy excuse. It's the one you try to convince yourself can conquer the other two. It might also be the one that you just wait around to show up cuz the other two are so totally there ... but it never does.

In some ways, we KNOW more about these girls than Jake does. We see them behind the scenes. Jake probably has to put a lot more weight on the chemistry than he may wish were the case. Something to think about.

Enough of my rambling. What'd y'all think? Excellent comments so far, by the way.