Big week in Bachelorville!
So much to cover, so little time. The Sports Guy on ESPN is my favorite all-time columnist / podcaster. Read / listen to everything he does (wire-taps and hidden cameras off-limits). He dedicated the first 30 minutes of a recent podcast to the Bachelor. He and his buddy Jacoby had some theories on what moves to make and not make on the show in order to advance. When I listen or talk to those who are extremely cynical about this show, I am momentarily disheartened. However, I do realize that if there ever were a show for both optimists and pessimists, this is probably the one. If you are one to be prematurely disappointed in the future, then this show gives you plenty of evidence for relationship failure, the inherent selfishness of people, and that even rich, beautiful, intelligent (eh, not really, but whatever) people are going to end up crying their eyes out in a limo. Congratulations, this show is for you! On the other hand, if you believe in everlasting love coming from a 25 on 1 elimination style TV show, … you will always come back and tune in for next season! J
The podcast and this episode made me think about the Deviousness Fallacy and the power of Groupthink. Groupthink, if you are not familiar with the term, is “a mode of thinking that people engage in when they are deeply involved in a cohesive ingroup, when the members’strivings for unanimity override their motivation to realistically appraise alternative courses of action." OK, fine, Courtney has displayed nothing close to interactions with her fellow bachelorettes that has displayed cohesiveness. Where I do think groupthink can be seen in this show is the girls' desire to join everyone else in the "fall in love with Ben" and "have Ben fall in love with me" aspects. Other than very rarely in the first couple weeks, no one ever denies a rose or is instantly relieved to be released on this show. If you say it is because we are dealing with great actresses, I think that is giving them way too much credit. Groupthink leads them to desire what they see as "love" with the Bachelor. Call this show all kinds of fake, but the emotion displayed in the diaries of the departed is not.
Yes, some of these girls may originally come on the show with some "devious" intentions. They may want a career in Hollywood, advance their modeling careers, be seen as attaining some socially impressive status by being on the show, etc. However, I think that goes out the window for the vast majority of them when they get into that house. Courtney may be a self-absorbed b (I can't say c, because that is a really bad word and a relatively large size), but don't tell me she hasn't become emotionally invested in this, at least to the extent she is capable.
I don't see much difference between the craftiness, dating games, time-stealing, acting fake, dressing provocatively, emotional manipulation, and backstabbing on this show and what girls used to do to try to get with me when I was single. ... (crickets) ... (not even a chuckle?) ... moving on. But people do cross / blur lines like that in everyday life too. We just usually don't have cameras and interviews everywhere to see it.
Now, I want to talk directly to you, Kacie (what the *&%$ happened?!) B. Repeat after me: "Thank you, daddy." You see, “failure” is a very necessary part of life. Some people meet their beloved in grade school and never waver. That’s cool for them, congrats. Most of us don’t. A lot of us learn more from failure. Be that being brick city at the free throw line sending you to the gym at 6 the next morning, be it getting rave reviews at the office but indifferent glances from your family at home driving you to re-set your priorities, or be it the paralyzing emptiness at the news of being dumped bringing you to make promises to yourself that the next relationship you are in will be based on more depth and shared values.
On the topic of values, that’s a huge hole in at least what we see on camera in the development of these relationships. I’m not here to tell anybody what values to have or not to have. That’s not what anyone is reading this for. However, when it comes to growing together or reaching common ground or at least some sort of respect for the other person in important relationship areas (spirituality, finances, politics, communication styles and needs, etc.) these relationships on the verge of marriage appear to fail miserably. That’s not trying to minimize how Kacie is feeling or how deeply it is or isn’t affecting her. It is saying that some time and some insight from people you respect and trust (like her father) might show her that what was there in the romantic love-lust story of her head with Ben might not match the full picture story of what she would want a marriage to look like.
