I thought I'd add a little more sarcasm to the blog. Here's a rundown of tonight's episode:
Gia - what's wrong with her mouth? Last one I saw like that had a hook in it. That's the only physical defect, however. Hot, Hot, Hot. She can even mingle with people making a dollar a day. What a woman.
Tenley - if you move your hair from the left side of your face again, so help me God. Ever see that movie - Man Without a Face? Yeah, me neither. Get this woman a barrette or scrunchy. Tenley appreciates Jake's passion for Dancing. I've been doing that same slow clockwise spin since sixth grade - take the blinders off woman.
Vienna - Jake, buddy, come on dude. If you really want to be with an 8 year old, start a cult or move to Utah. Kudos to the producers for coming up with the "From Here to Eternity" beach make out shot, very original. At dinner, Jake goes from discussing engagement rings to saying he's falling for two other women. Well done Mr. Conversation - good thing Vienna's train of thought is lip gloss, ponies, lip gloss, diamonds, lip gloss.
Ali - where the hell do you get off? Thank God she was able to keep that job...saving lives, putting out fires, helping the elderly or wait, sales. Way to dispel that "indecisive woman" myth too. Nice job by the Pimp of the Year to put his platform-shoed foot down.
This episode featured make outs in the ocean, pools and a bathtub. Aquaman Jake obviously derives his sexual prowess from the water. Watch out ladies if he ever visits the City of Lakes. How do you keep Vienna over Gia? Gia's not crazy and ten times as hot. Don't worry Gia, I'll take care of you baby. Romantic dinners at Taco Bell, weekend get aways to Grand Casino, cruising in my Camry. Everything a New York swimsuit model dreams of. Tenley is going to win this in a walk.
Yours,
Mr. Rant
C+
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