Finale

Here's a recap from one disgruntled viewer...

Tenley was the hands down favorite for Jake's family. Jake confessed to his Mom that he likes it rough and Dad's quivering chin and lower lip was a bit too much. His tears eventually filled the backyard swimming pool and allowed for a clothes-on family gang bang of Tenley in the deep end. So that's how it is in their family.

Vienna received a cool reception from Jake's female relatives. Jake apparently biased the jury with the tales of Vienna based catfights back at the pimp pad. Slowly but surely, the daft, woman-hating Vienna was able to bring Mom out of reverse and into neutral. A mistrial was declared - exonerating Vienna of any b*tchery.

Jake and Vienna got down and dirty in the mud pit. The silky mud apparently exfoliated away any common sense Jake had left. While on a boat with Tenley, Rico Sauve, dropped the "you're not physically attractive" bomb and almost fell asleep. Well played captian D-Bag.

I'm sure you can tell I'm not terribly happy with Jake's choice of spicy over sweet. When the helicopter rides, rooftop dinners and shopping sprees all end, Vienna is going to be waking up in a one-bedroom apartment in Dallas. How long do you think she's going to stay? Then again, do I want Jake to be happy? Not really. I wish the both of them good luck on the reality tv show circut for the next 18 months.

Yours,

Mr. Rant

When a Man Lusts a Woman

Speechless. I didn't see Jake picking Tenley, so my shock there is mild to non-existent. I'm just a little dumbfounded looking back that Miss Un / In / De Congeniality won the whole thing. That's not how my bedtime fairy tales ended when I was a kid. The lazy dog ate the little red hen's bread tonight.

Jake, did you really tell your MOM that it hasn't "gotten rough" with Tenley? I'm all for the momma's boys, but there's a line a few miles back, buddy. "Mom, I want a girl that, you know, ... I just wanna ... uuuh! Just tap it and then keep tapping it. You feeling that?" No, Jake, we're not feeling that.

I want to go to St. Lucia someday. No, not so I can jump into a pool with my brothers and girlfriend fully clothed, but it is beautiful. I bet their roads don't even have potholes.

It was a very difficult situation for Tenley on that boat. No one wants to hear from the person they're falling for that they aren't physically attractive. It's not something you can argue or prove to someone. "9 out of 10 dentists prefer me!!! I'm hot. I'll tie you up and slap the chemistry into you, boy. I can get all provocative up in here!" I guess you could go reverse psychology on your girl to try to horn 'er up by saying that, but games backfire after a while. Sometimes it's just the cold, hard truth.

Tenley's a very gracious person. I've never heard so many thank you's from a dumpee before. Please sir, can I have some more? I see that as a sign of maturity, context, and being comfortable with oneself. A lot of people have the urge to deny, downplay, quickly rebound from, or hide from that hurt. I commend Tenley for admitting it and seeing the good in it. Even if you do go through a rough ... (rough was the wrong choice of words there) ... let's go with "difficult" breakup, you still DO have feelings for that person. You DID have good times together. You DO have things to be thankful for. It may take seconds or years or a lifetime for people to get to that point, but sometimes the best way to get there is to start with the words and hope the feelings will follow. Keep your chin up, Tenley (and not only to keep the hair out of your face).

In the end, I don't know if I can fault the guy! Katie found her Tommy and Jake found his Vienna. It rarely makes sense. He sees something in her that he hasn't seen in anyone else. Good for him. Who are we to judge? In conclusion, ... whatever. :)

#1 ... Revealed

Happy birthday to the champion of our Bachelor Pool! You may know him as Chuck, Chuckles, C-Wil, Charles in Charge, the CW, or Downtown Charlie Brown. You now also know him as a Bachelor pool champion. Your gold medal is in the mail; if you want a platinum, you'll have to ask that Russian figure skating dude.

Enjoy the finale everybody!