What's The Matter(horn)? ...

… Get ready, Benjamin, for groveling at the feet of your betrothed with that question for as long as either you are together or until Courtney takes some responsibility.

Lindsey vs. Courtney – I’d like to say all signs pointed toward an instant classic battle for Ben’s heart, but I felt the scales have been tipping further and further to the Courtney corner for a while now. As that drama failed to present itself, my selfish hope was for that epic battle to be a Julia – Courtney bout. Julia said all of the right things about “protecting her brother” and “I pride myself in seeing character,” and “red flags about not getting along with other women.” Then, Julia says she was “blown away” and that “you can’t judge a book by its cover.” What?! OK, fine, you can’t judge a book by its cover, but can’t you judge a book by what’s on all of the other pages?!

When all the energy and outside encouragement is sending you in one direction, and you go against it, eventually people tend to just dig in and go against the grain. The guilt or the cognitive dissonance from picking the “wrong” one fades away after continuing to make that decision. It’s hard to do the right thing 100% of the time. It’s a lot harder to do the right thing 98% of the time. Once you allow yourself to go down the 2% path, it gets easier and easier to continue down it. Every time Ben was told about how hard Courtney was to deal with, it became easier and easier for him to rationalize that it was OK for him to stick with her.

Gonna skip ahead to the breakup with Lindsey. Boy the “if it doesn’t work out, call me” line was cringe-worthy. I don’t blame Lindsey for having all kinds of emotions at that moment, including the one she stated there. The end of a relationship is difficult territory to tread. There is often a confusing period of building walls back up and part of you really really wanting to break those walls down more than ever before.

Say what you want to say about Courtney (and I have), but she got ‘r done. Kill shot … executed. Winning … won. I got the rose … (final version). I DO believe that she developed feelings for Ben. I don’t believe she realized how seriously so many people take this show. She became America’s villain primarily out of arrogance. She made choices and she now has to deal with the consequences (paparazzi, hurtful words, relationship challenges, villain status, etc.). Sometimes we make terrible choices with no apparent consequences. Sometimes we make bad choices with consequences we knowingly are willing to deal with. Sometimes we make bad choices that don’t reveal the consequences internally or externally until much further down the line. Sometimes the consequences overwhelm us with their power. I think Courtney has been hit with a tidal wave of consequences. We’ll see how she responds.

Although I have doubts for Courtney and Ben, I also have hope. A wise short ‘roided man once said, “If I can change, and you can change, everybody can change!”

Except for the most cynical amongst us, we believe in and desire a great redemption story. I hope Courtney has a fresh look at the destruction in her rear view mirror and picks up a rake. I hope Ben can see the wisdom in the warnings he was given all along and becomes a better listener. I feel like a coach of a player who takes a bad shot in a crucial situation. “No, no, yes!” Was I happy to see Ben dribbling into the double team in the corner (fall for Courtney)? No. Did I want Ben to take the contested fadeaway 18 footer (propose to Courtney)? No. Do I put all those thoughts away and put my energy into wanting it to go in when the shot’s in the air (hope for the best for Ben and Courtney)? Yes. I don’t like how Courtney “won,” but she can still grow into a winner.

Thanks for watching and following this season. I very much enjoyed enjoying it with all of you!

Signing off,

Your Bach Blogger

Fantasy Sweet!

Switzerland is an incredibly beautiful country known for army knives, banks, the Family Robinson, hot chocolate, the Alps, watches, and cheese. All things I would be willing to fight for. Antithetically, they are also known for neutrality. What a terrible combination. Oil is needed and all, but I think we need to get out of the Middle East business and conquer this country.

One point I should mention before getting too far into this post is that I did watch this episode with the Bach Bloggerette and two gentlemen in a juvenile mood. Nothing about this show excites immaturity as much as Chris Harrison’s fantasy date suite card. Parts of the next two days were spent coming up with their own version of this card. Shockingly and in totally unrelated news, these individuals are not in relationships at this time.

First date of the week was with Nicki. Ben said they were in Switzerland, home of the Alps, and wanted to know if she was cool with him skiing down her mountains, … I mean summitting her twin peaks, … I mean invading her neutral territory.

Nicki has always wanted two kids. Ben sees four in his future. They worked it out. Either Nicki changes her mind or Ben keeps two bachelorettes. Good compromise.

Next up is Lindzi. She doesn’t let just anyone in but is trying to open up. That is a theory that works perfectly with the theme of this week’s show! Ben told the camera, and I quote, “I love Lindzi. She’s everything I could want in a relationship. She makes me happy. And I see myself with her for the rest of my life. I do.” Wow. That’s very non-Swiss-like of you, sir.

Finally, the fantasy suite has been ZeroRez’d (pre-treated, cleaned, and sanitized) for round 3 with Courtney. She tried really hard to be nice to the girls, like Ralph Sampson III rebounding try hard, or for those who don’t follow Gopher basketball, like Kim Kardashian working to save her marriage try hard.

Kacie B comes back to work through her stages of grief. I saw a #1 (denial) and #3 (bargaining) combo. I think part of her was hoping to hear him say how excited he was to see her and change his mind. I also think the bargaining piece was saying how much different she was from her parents and that they could make it work. On the one hand, she was obviously very close to her parents and desired their approval, yet on the other hand she wanted to prove to Ben that the “dad not drinking and mom not wanting me to live together pre-marriage” thing could have resulted in a workable compromise. Could there have been common ground to find there? Maybe. However, was that reasonable grounds for someone to break it off? I think so. Compromise is a much needed skill and desire in a union. Finding out what beliefs and traits are core to who you are and being able to live those out in a relationship should not be areas where you feel like you have to compromise. The core parts of what make you you should be magnified and praised in a great relationship, and I don’t know if that’s what Kacie and Ben had.

Ben sends Nicki home. He is one week closer to being able to play the “nobody believed in us” card if he ends up marrying Courtney. That’s a motivating factor and fun thing to say after winning an athletic team competition. That doesn’t work so much in love.

Enjoy Tell-All Week and may all your fantasy suite date card dreams come true.

Matching Values

Big week in Bachelorville!

So much to cover, so little time. The Sports Guy on ESPN is my favorite all-time columnist / podcaster. Read / listen to everything he does (wire-taps and hidden cameras off-limits). He dedicated the first 30 minutes of a recent podcast to the Bachelor. He and his buddy Jacoby had some theories on what moves to make and not make on the show in order to advance. When I listen or talk to those who are extremely cynical about this show, I am momentarily disheartened. However, I do realize that if there ever were a show for both optimists and pessimists, this is probably the one. If you are one to be prematurely disappointed in the future, then this show gives you plenty of evidence for relationship failure, the inherent selfishness of people, and that even rich, beautiful, intelligent (eh, not really, but whatever) people are going to end up crying their eyes out in a limo. Congratulations, this show is for you! On the other hand, if you believe in everlasting love coming from a 25 on 1 elimination style TV show, … you will always come back and tune in for next season! J

The podcast and this episode made me think about the Deviousness Fallacy and the power of Groupthink. Groupthink, if you are not familiar with the term, is “a mode of thinking that people engage in when they are deeply involved in a cohesive ingroup, when the members’strivings for unanimity override their motivation to realistically appraise alternative courses of action." OK, fine, Courtney has displayed nothing close to interactions with her fellow bachelorettes that has displayed cohesiveness. Where I do think groupthink can be seen in this show is the girls' desire to join everyone else in the "fall in love with Ben" and "have Ben fall in love with me" aspects. Other than very rarely in the first couple weeks, no one ever denies a rose or is instantly relieved to be released on this show. If you say it is because we are dealing with great actresses, I think that is giving them way too much credit. Groupthink leads them to desire what they see as "love" with the Bachelor. Call this show all kinds of fake, but the emotion displayed in the diaries of the departed is not.

Yes, some of these girls may originally come on the show with some "devious" intentions. They may want a career in Hollywood, advance their modeling careers, be seen as attaining some socially impressive status by being on the show, etc. However, I think that goes out the window for the vast majority of them when they get into that house. Courtney may be a self-absorbed b (I can't say c, because that is a really bad word and a relatively large size), but don't tell me she hasn't become emotionally invested in this, at least to the extent she is capable.

I don't see much difference between the craftiness, dating games, time-stealing, acting fake, dressing provocatively, emotional manipulation, and backstabbing on this show and what girls used to do to try to get with me when I was single. ... (crickets) ... (not even a chuckle?) ... moving on. But people do cross / blur lines like that in everyday life too. We just usually don't have cameras and interviews everywhere to see it.

Now, I want to talk directly to you, Kacie (what the *&%$ happened?!) B. Repeat after me: "Thank you, daddy." You see, “failure” is a very necessary part of life. Some people meet their beloved in grade school and never waver. That’s cool for them, congrats. Most of us don’t. A lot of us learn more from failure. Be that being brick city at the free throw line sending you to the gym at 6 the next morning, be it getting rave reviews at the office but indifferent glances from your family at home driving you to re-set your priorities, or be it the paralyzing emptiness at the news of being dumped bringing you to make promises to yourself that the next relationship you are in will be based on more depth and shared values.

On the topic of values, that’s a huge hole in at least what we see on camera in the development of these relationships. I’m not here to tell anybody what values to have or not to have. That’s not what anyone is reading this for. However, when it comes to growing together or reaching common ground or at least some sort of respect for the other person in important relationship areas (spirituality, finances, politics, communication styles and needs, etc.) these relationships on the verge of marriage appear to fail miserably. That’s not trying to minimize how Kacie is feeling or how deeply it is or isn’t affecting her. It is saying that some time and some insight from people you respect and trust (like her father) might show her that what was there in the romantic love-lust story of her head with Ben might not match the full picture story of what she would want a marriage to look like.

Where is Mr. Ben F leaning? As one of our esteemed male readers suggests, “Ben knew Courtney was the one when they matched “values” in the waters of Belize.” I can’t deny the power of that factor. We will see if Ben places that as value #1.

Subbing in

You get three things on a deserted island: what would you bring? Ben says a machete, a fishing net, and matches - very practical. Kacie B brings a baby utility tool, candy, and a “monkey man.” The last two wouldn’t be real high on my list, but Kacie B is playing with the house’s money at this point. I don’t know if I can remember seeing a front-runner this strong and this consistently at the top since the Dewey over Truman presidential race back in ’48 (a very impactful time of my life). We all know how that turned out. She’s probably “putting in the subs” so she can bring out her “starter” material in the fourth quarter and not look like a total rub-it-in-‘er.

I don’t think men in particular utilize “putting in the subs” as often and as well as they could. Pre-Christmas and pre-Valentine’s are prime options when this move may be effective. To implement this strategy, you just back off on the lovey dovey stuff and the expensive dinners and the over-the-top chivalry. (Note: This is NOT letting the starters play on other courts or stop paying attention to the game.) Lower the bar enough so you can easily clear it once the big event special day arrives. Your lady will then feel so special when you “bring in the starters,” that you will win the game and move to the front page of her next day’s news. Perfect Kacie has perfect date with perfect Ben? Boring. Yawn. Next. Monkey man Kacie opens up about sensitive issues and loses the occasional rose to Courtney before bringing in the A-Team? That equals winning. I pity the fool who doesn’t follow this strategy. (And yes, it’s too late for the subs regarding this Valentine’s Day, gentlemen. You can’t put in the subs on a free throw, call a timeout after its made, and put the starters back in. That embarrasses the subs and doesn’t give the starters a rest.) I completely expect the lady readership to be 100% opposed to this plan, which is just fine. :) It's an angle to write about.

Blakeley is legitimately excited about the two on one. It's time for her to go home. There are very important people out there who are being served their cocktails by waitresses qualified to only serve people of average importance. Let’s get the world spinning on its axis again and have Blakeley back where she belongs.

Courtney continues to up her Us Weekly Q factor while becoming less and less of a threat to continue to advance her place in Ben’s heart. Those who believe our “first world” Americans are an advanced form of humanity over the “third world” loincloth civilizations, Courtney is exhibit B or C (just guessing, cuz of the blurs) of why that is untrue.

Salsa dancing looked like a blast! However, I didn’t see any tortilla chips and don’t get where they got that name. Kind of disappointed with that. I want to salsa dance for all of the Tostitos!

Chris Harrison loves himself some cheating bachelors / bachelorettes. Nothing sets him on a climb up the self-righteous ladder like a good rumor in this category. I generally like the dude, but he doesn’t need to treat this like the next Watergate. Chris Hansen knows first-hand that sometimes the camera can be turned back on you.

I was a little worried about writing anything about Casey S, as the previews made it look like her crying might have been from the death of a family member or something. In the end, she showed herself to have a lot of insecurities and struggled with the “do I stay with someone who doesn’t want what I want but I deeply care for them” situation. I’m sure that would suck. Stereotyping here, but she seems like a girl who can’t be single. If your entire world and self-worth revolves around always being attached to someone else romantically from an early age, I don’t think that’s healthy. Singleness is a great place. It’s a place that I think serves many of us (who want to be in a relationship) well for considerable periods of time. Stepping away allows you to be better served when you step back in. I hope Casey finds some happiness and confidence in who is SHE before she next attempts a who is WE.

We end the Casey shenanigans with a passionate half-time speech by Chris that Coach Norman Dale would be proud of. “If you’re not open, to TRULY finding love right now, it’s not going to work!” Let’s get out there, and throw ourselves at Ben! (slow clap … slow clap…)

Jamie is a nice girl who decided to leave her dignity on the doorstep. As someone who isn’t afraid to leave his dignity at the doorstep when it comes to interactions with basketball referees, I feel her pain. However, when you have to instruct your way through a first kiss THAT much, there is no chance. I’m sure you will make some patients very happy when you go back to candy-striping, miss Jamie.

Enjoy Belize week.

Eye(in the) Black, Jennifer in the Red

Courtney starts this week off with a loud “Be Nice!” t-shirt on … and ends the episode with an even louder t-shirt off. I’m sure we’ve all worn “statement” clothing at some point, but there is a line between, “(smirk) that’s kind of funny” and “totally self-absorbed.” You want to fall into the former camp. I saw a dude at the gym Saturday night wearing a tight “I’d do me” t-shirt. Umm, if you’re at an empty gym at 9:30 PM on a Saturday, then apparently the rest of the world disagrees with you on that one, sir. Furthermore, if that really worked to catch a date, people would utilize this in other areas of life. “I’d hire me” t-shirts to a job interview? “I’d serve me” t-shirts to a slow restaurant? “I’d copy me” t-shirts to a test you studied your bum off for? OK, that actually sounds kind of funny.

Ben has the first one-on-one of the week with Nicki. One thing I have noticed with Ben is that he is not afraid of asking a lot of questions about his dates’ past relationships and feels pretty open sharing about his, too. That seems like a topic that doesn’t have a one-size-fits-all answer to it. Some want to know / share everything, and others want to know / share nothing. I think there are a few ways to check yourself when speeding or resisting down that path. You have to keep the eyes on the prize (and no, the prize is not approximately a foot below the eyes). The “goal” for many who seem to be in a good relationship is to share enough to allow your partner to understand who you are, how you make decisions, what is important to you, what you have learned (bigger picture) from events in your life, and what has deeply impacted you to allow your partner to know what makes you feel special and how to avoid hurting you. However, if you share specifics that would only serve to make them feel jealous or make you look untrustworthy, that’d be a bad idea. When it comes to what not to share, don’t lie, period. If there’s a topic you don’t want to talk about, that’s fine, but I think lying is just about the worst path possible.

Nice to see these ladies were adequately eye-blacked for their softball game. All of my facial protection concerns were for naught. Jennifer played the devastating role of slow-pitch softball strike out victim. It’s one thing to lose a date with Ben, but having to bring a case of brew to next week’s game, too? Now that is something worth crying over.

Elyse and Ben get to have a date in a nice boat / yacht. What do you think that costs, like 10 grand? I’d like me one of those. J Unfortunately for Elyse, Ben sunk her battleship. I thought he went WAAY to far in breaking up with her. He didn’t need to say “my relationships with all these other women are SO FAR PAST where I think we could get to.” Jerkville, population you. If she’s begging for answers, you can respond, but stay a little classier there, San Diego.

This show blurs the lines of ethical / moral behavior (understatement of the year nominee). Ben doing the skinny swim with the vegan raw (thank you for the clarification, reader of the week!) doe-eyed model crossed that line. He knows it. He felt guilty. She will pay the price soon (I think). Feeling guilty strongly, early, and often is not the best way to start something good. Guys may say they want girls to make out with each other and be super bad, but they do not usually want that from the one they genuinely dig.

I was shocked at the time that Emily stuck around. However, after thinking about it, I give credit to the producing / editing. She should be a strong candidate and the Courtney drama is a sidetrack she can still hop off. The mannequin (Casey) should have gone home instead of Jennifer; I see no semblance of a connection there. However, Jennifer has a strong portfolio that is impressively diversified, so she will bounce back in the next fiscal year if not by the next quarter.

See you next week in Panama City.

(South) Park City

First one on one of the week goes to Rachel. Full disclosure, I picked her as my dark horse after episode one. In previous seasons, I maybe would write at this point that I have to continue to “ride the horse I came in on,” but I’m not going to do that because I’m more mature than that now. The date was very awkward. My thought is that Rachel has been able to have an enjoyable social life with men in the past by smiling and wearing white t-shirts. Not a terrible strategy. However, it may have stunted her emotional-verbal connection skills due to how some men would stereotype her. She tried to open up emotionally at the end of the date. I think Ben saw sincerity and potential and kept her around. It’s not starting out strong between these two, but occasionally, Zenyatta comes from behind and wins.

Group date includes Ben taking his ladies on a fishing excursion. We learn the lesson that if you give Courtney a fish, she will be a witch for a day, and if you teach her to fish, she will be a witch for a lifetime.

Sorry Samantha “I feel like I should already have a ring on my finger” Sash. That line might work at the country club if you’re looking for men 40 years older than you, but the hard sell begging for a one-on-one isn’t gonna work here. There are a few things that can come out of confrontation. If you bring it with an open mind to the response, at an appropriate time, and with respect for the other person, it can be a GREAT thing. It’s hard to turn something that’s bothering you into an opportunity for reconciliation and growth without addressing it. However, if you bring it in an attacking style, you might cause more harm than good. The good stuff happens when the “fight” or “flight” walls come down. The wrong approach with the confrontation can lead to a trip to the diaries of the departed.

Jennifer and Ben are “couple-ey” to me. That bodes well for her in this quest. She does not struggle sharing her feelings with him. A “normal” accusation from Courtney also bodes well for her qualities as a human if that’s the worst one can come up with.

I rewound (“rewinded” sounds more natural, but I think it’s wrong) a bunch of times to hear PHD Emily’s tongue-lashing of Courtney. I heard “vegan rod doe-eyed model.” The “rod” doesn’t make sense, so if anyone got another word out of that, please email me.

I’m glad ABC put one of America’s great story-tellers (a.k.a. country music singers) on in Mr. Clay Walker. Was hoping to hear this one, but the song probably wouldn’t have fit the moment.

Casey S thinks Courtney is “one of the most genuine people here.” Now we know why we haven’t had anyone ask her to read any words in the first three episodes. Blonde on the outside … blonde on the inside. I stereotype her as the mean girl tag-along who flips her hair and Paris Hilton laughs after the “popular in a hated kind of way” girl in high school spews something venomous.

“I’m a nice person; don’t F$%# with me!” is on the Bachelor quote board wall of fame / shame. Congratulations, Courtney. You are finally “winning.”

Emily picked a fight I think she will wish she didn’t. In the end, Courtney will be gone, but Emily very possibly will be dragged out with her.

Sad to see Monica go. She performed a 180 on the likability scale from week 1, which was a good thing.

Next week is time to head to Puerto Rico. Woohoo! Casey S has always wanted to go to, like, Asia?

San Francisco Treats

Hi friends – OK, I took a week off. In a situation such as this, one can A) invent some excuses, B) defiantly defend myself, or C) avoid the elephant in the room and continue on as if nothing happened. Which one am I picking? Those of you who went with C? Ding ding ding!

Week 3 included Ben having brunch with his sister, Julia (Gulia). He described Courtney as “super-mellow, down to earth, and drama free.” They must have edited out his other tidbits of wisdom regarding his desire to head to Iran for their next date locale, the case for Donovan McNabb for 2011 NFL MVP, and Ragu spaghetti sauce over Prego. I take offense to the “Jennifer… she’s an accountant, BUT she’s super attractive.” What the H, man?! Pretty people like numbers too. Do I have to formulate a Super PAC on this?

Emily and Ben climb the Bay Bridge on their date. Postulate of Face Fear + Together = Unbreakable Bond has been served up for us. Relationship seekers everywhere are signing up for community education public speaking classes and Sleeping with Snakes and Strangers Clubs (they must exist). Emily gets the rose, and our postulate officially becomes a theorem. Who says you never use geometry in real life?

Next we have group date bikini skiing in San Francisco. Awe-summm. I swear these producers just play dirty magnetic fridge word games all day to come up with these date ideas. Oh, sorry, I mean Ben goes to great lengths to plan specific dates with meaning for the specific young woman (women) included.

I feel a little used with the “leap list” phenomena. It’s a plug for Honda. That’s their marketing campaign. Maybe this is news only to me, but I don’t like feeling used.

Brittney isn’t excited about the date and turns it down. When I was little (and even so to a lesser extent now), it was a big deal to me when I heard of someone breaking up WHO was the dumper and who was the dumpee. In general, the dumper gets the blame and the dumpee gets the sympathy. That has definitely changed some. Endings, whether they are after one drink or one decade, can be messy and confusing and complicated. Sometimes your new ex gives you an incredible gift by letting you go when they do. Sometimes it takes us until we find the next, or the last, until we realize it, but the sympathy/support for the dumper / dumpee needs to be evaluated on a case by case basis, and sometimes both ended up doing the right thing.

Lindzi gets Brittney’s one-on-one date leftover. This bothers her 0%.

Kacie B steals Ben away to tell him how hard it is to see him kissing and making connections with other girls. Ben shares with Kacie B that she has to remember what they have and locks lips with her in a “hey babe, I’m invincible” way. This, of course, works. From a lasting relationship skills-building standpoint, this encounter … fails to register on our scale.

Random question: Cloud nine is a popular place. Is there anybody on clouds one through eight?

I don’t care for the “you’re so cool, why are you still single?” question that Ben gave to Lindzi. I get it, it crosses people’s minds. It’s also not a completely unacceptable thing to say. However, singleness is not a disease that needs to be cured, and that’s what the question implies. I am intrigued by people who “can” and “don’t.” The guy who hasn’t been looked at by a woman in 20 years bragging about never cheating on his wife … cool, but not that impressive. The woman who gets asked out by Mr. Sleezies and would rather be patient and find someone she has feelings for, much more impressed.

Ben tells Jennifer that she is the best kisser. If Ben is sitting next to his betrothed watching this show, I imagine him receiving a significant but below domestic level of a pillow beating. Same thought occurs during every Courtney segment.

Shawntel comes back to win miss congeniality … kidding. She wants Ben. Ben is flattered. Ben is a boy. Thus, often stupid. However, not … this … stupid. Had he kept her around, every other girl there would have been Ben buzz killed. Men aren’t immune from playing the “stupid card” to our benefit; however, we usually know when and where that card is not going to be accepted. Good work, sir.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Bachelor

This episode was a Curious Case of Benjamin Bachelor. He started out strong and finished like a hormone-infused adolescent picking the shallow and worldly hot Taylor Swift character over the I’m-your-best-friend-and-care-for-the-real-you-Taylor in the coke bottle glasses.

The Bloggerette and I opened a bottle of the finest Cab Sauv the year of 2010 had to offer (in the $9 price range) in honor of Mr. Winemaker. I was told that chugging half the glass on the first sip is not advised. I thought the point of it was to get it down without really having to taste it. Lesson learned.

First, the episode’s good stuff: Ben chooses Kacie B for the initial date touring Sonoma. They go on a date, buy a baton, and then stuff gets weird. If I had a nickel for every date I’ve been on that has started that same way, I’d have … well, no money, but batons are still cool. I always say it’s very important to see how a girl would react to your future wedding video ON DATE 1. Glad they were able to check that off the list. On a serious note, I found it to be a very touching moment when Ben heard his dad’s voice on the video for the first time in like 5 years. This was one of the many moments in life when I tell myself to record more video and take more pictures. I need personal paparazzi.

Kacie pulls out preposterous statement of the day #1 when she says, “I am the hopeless romantic type … that’s just the way I was raised.” Really. That’s the way you were raised? I’d like to see what that looks like. Required Danielle Steele readings? Check. Hallmark and/or Lifetime Movie Network internship? Check. Learning how to run through airports? Check. Practicing borderline stalkerish behavior towards someone who repeatedly tells you NO? Check. Learning to frill-ify and dramatize everyday phrases and interactions? Check. That’d be some good old-fashioned child-rearing. Take notes, parents out there.

All in all, it was a classy, real-ish date (besides the wedding video). Good job, mature Ben. Your twin brother Rafa Nadal would be proud.

On to group date time, or in other words, prosecution exhibit A on why polygamy doesn’t work. The kid playwrights did an awesome job. It’s too bad our creativity gets sucked out of us as we all age and do grown-up things. I busted a gut when they asked Blakeley to run in slow-motion. I don’t know what else to say about the production of Prince Pinot of Bachelorville; it was a complete success. Two thumbs up! Support your community theater.

As Ben starts to immature right in front of our very eyes, he comes out with this whopper of a statement to Blakeley: “You seem super grounded.” Huh? Grounded? Were all of the other words in the English language already taken? The only way she’s grounded is in the white / can’t jump category (I feel your pain there). Or maybe you get upgraded to “VIP” cocktail waitress after you pass all of your “grounded” tests, I’m not sure. First word that comes to mind when I see the hoochy dressed girl whom all of the other bachelorettes can’t stand running slow-motion Baywatch style is NOT grounded.

I personally was hoping that Jennifer was going to get the rose for the night. I have been a founding member and one of the most vocal supporters of the “Accountants need love too” movement since the day I’ve joined the profession. We’re certified to do it in public, have great assets, and know how to rationalize liabilities. When you feel like donating your time, money, and / or talents to a worthy cause, please keep this one in mind. Contact me if you want to locate a chapter near you.

On to Courtney’s date, or in puppy Scotch’s words, “Step-mother from hell bad dream.” I think Scotch understands the big picture. He knows that he himself eats garbage or worse, humps random stuff, and makes other less-than-optimal decisions. However, dogs are loyal and see true colors. He will look past his owner’s youthful indiscretion here because Ben is deep-down a good dude. Ben, on the other hand, has to watch this episode with the future Ms. Final Rose. If y’all think he’s getting a hall pass for his “fun” this episode, know that he is getting virtual slaps for picking Blakeley and Courtney.

Courtney says she never goes on dates. I think it is probably because she never would look other humanoids who fail to enter her outer beauty tier in the eye back when she was in the “real world.” Ben also has taken this opportunity to put himself into the “model world” for a night. Move-the-hair-head-flings and pull-the-bangs-over-the-ears moves are contagious, apparently. In the end, I feel bad for Courtney. She appears to be building her world around certain gifts that will leave her over time. She can continue to chase them, but they will fall further and further away.

Rose ceremony was Blakeley being clingy and a stealer and all that. I’m kind of over it and think the girls should be too. In the long run, she’s not a threat. Don’t waste your energy on it. Blakeley of course doesn’t understand why she is a target, even though she brought it on herself. Gracefully handle your “success,” especially around your competition.

Jenna was a disappointment. I thought she would be a stronger part of the show despite the episode 1 issues. It turned out that’s the way she was going to continue to be. Adding alcohol on top of nerves on top of insecurities on top of competition is a formula that doesn’t work for many. She got trapped in it and lost the humor and the joy. Best of luck in the blogosphere.

Here’s to our Bachelor becoming a less-curious case in the next episode.

BachBlogger

Opening Night

Hello friends – Welcome back to the Bachelor, season 84. Let’s start with an introduction. I’m the Bach Blogger, and … I can’t quit you, Chris Harrison. You build me up (buttercup), tease me with all of those fancy adverbs and adjectives about what’s coming later in the season / show, and leave me with my shoes in my hand and a tear on my cheek. This may be the final rose tonight, but we will stick together until we get this right. Until every star-crazed dreamer gets her picture in US Weekly, until every Ben & Jerry’s pint across the nation is consumed while devouring your previews and exit interviews, and until every single man and woman in America make a fool out of themselves on national television, we will keep fighting to provide entertainment and a window into the world of people searching for that love thing.

Episode one is in the books! Our Bachelor is Ben. He had me when he started tickling the black and white keys. I would assume that is more attractive than eating a big bag of Doritos in front of a woman, but you’d have to ask my Bach Bloggerette about that one. I haven’t watched this show in the company of someone I very much care about before, so we’ll see if that mellows the manly man in me into someone who can appreciate sensitive items such as a term I’ve heard called “feelings.”

Ben’s pretty chill, which I like. I think he’s going to be in a good place somewhere in the middle of the sincerity confuses me (think Daniel Tosh) to sarcasm confuses me (think On the Wings of Love!!! Jake Pavelka) scale. I hope Ben finds a nice Havarti to match his Merlot. (Please hold your breath if you want to explain to me THAT cheese doesn’t go with THAT wine. I have recently learned that there is more to wine than “white” or “red,” that you can order something other than those two previous options with the word “house” in front of it, and that gargling isn’t one of those fancy tests you do to determine how good it is. Work with me, people. Baby steps.)

Jenna is going to be one of my favorite contestants to write about, this I am sure. If you have a blog as “the over-analyzer,” that screams A-material.

Shawn works in the financial markets. Even though “the market closed pretty flat,” her shirt finished artificially inflated. I don’t see that bubble bursting any time soon.

I liked the Grandma gimmick, gotta say. It didn’t go on too long and allowed someone else to build her up, which put Brittney in a positive light without being boastful.

Emily rubbed me the wrong way. … Well, she didn’t actually rub me, but you know what I mean. A PHD is awesome. Congrat-the-fricking-lations. So help me if you use that to look down on all the mere college or high school educated simpletons this season.

Oh Jenna, that start was painful! I think we’ve all been there. It’s like if you meet your company head honcho or childhood idol or something and excitedly say “Hi, how’s it going?” They reply: “Great, how are you.” You counter with: “Very well, thank you. How are you?!” … Awkward silence … both thinking we’ve covered this already … … yeah, Jenna, that sucks, but I’m sure this episode will get much better for you very quickly.

Courtney seduced Ben with one flip of the hair and one silky-as-butter stare. That girl is trub-ble. She’s the girl every 14 year-old boy dreams of, every man who finds the right girl had to meet before figuring out what he really wants, and every parent of a dating son fears.

Samantha sash, really? Come on. Stop living in the past. It’s not like guys ever casually bring up their past high-school accomplishments to try to impress (like saying “state championship in soccer, 2001” … ahem … Ben!).

Blakely and Monica sharing their flowers with each other would be a first on this show.

Let’s put something out there, I don’t like Monica. However, with that said, Jenna DID attack a bit with the “if you feel NOTHING at this point, why are you here?” barrage. If you poke a stick at a turtle, you deserve it a little if you get bit.

At least the “reconciliation” between Monica and Jenna went, ah, well? If the offer of sharing a tampon isn’t accepted as an olive branch, there’s not much else one can do.

Looks like we have some crying and kissing to look forward to this season. Please temper your shocked expressions at this revelation.

Until next time,

Your BachBlogger

Br-Emily

What a finale! Let’s just pretend there was a great introduction right here and get to it.

I didn’t know the Brad is brothers with the dude from Rascal Flatts?! I bet the comments from the wifeys on how Emily’s a mother “so she gets us” could get under the skin of some. Not all single people close down bars every night and view children as aliens (just like not all mothers slave away in the kitchen to provide a nutritionally balanced meal for their children, read Swiss Family Robinson to them, tuck them in, kiss them on the forehead, shut off the lights, and go downstairs to knit every evening). If we are not red states nor blue states but rather the united states (raawr!), then we can also have mommies, daddies, and those (scared) kidless all get along. Right friends?

Chantal’s map and letter received a round of applause … from herself. I knew she was doomed when the Brad called her “Channy, channy, channy.” If the nickname I have for someone reminds me of the flat-chested, low-voiced, muscular individual in a skirt and lots of makeup who checked me out at the Lake Street Cub Foods the other day, then I’m not proposing to that person.

The Brad’s heart to heart with Emily on their date was sweet and kinda comical. Where was he going with the “I don’t want to be her step-father, I want to be her REAL father” stuff? Does he want to have some DNA re-engineering done on a 5 year-old?

The Brad’s breakdown made no sense to me. I didn’t see any reasons for his defensiveness nor his “shot down” and “defeated” response. To be honest, it made me question his intelligence a little bit, too. (Sorry if anyone considers that blasphemous.)

Not gonna lie, I let out a “Boom!” when Chantal got out of that limo first. You never know what kind of curveball this one’s going to throw at you.

There is one word that keeps coming to mind for me in this episode and in the “After the Rose,” and that word is “story.” For me, that’s what is missing for Chantal in the closure department and is a struggle for Emily in the commitment department. People sometimes fall in love with their own stories as much as they fall in love with a person. Special, the one, chemistry, I knew, meant to be, etc. are easier words to swallow than choice, commitment, sacrifice, etc.

Chantal created a love story in her head with the Brad. When he broke up with her, that story fell apart. What I read in her questions to him was that she really wanted him to validate her experience. I didn’t see that she still wanted to be with him or anything like that, but rather hear that her reality was, to as much as the Brad was willing to admit, a shared experience. He didn’t really give that to her.

Understandably so, as his unwillingness to admit much in the feelings department to Chantal is a way to build up Emily’s story. We all know that Emily LOVES her story. It’s tragic, it’s heartwarming, and we’ve heard it a bunch of times. She is trying to make the Brad her story too. It’s not very romantic to hear “the judges have reached a decision: winning, on a score of 3 to 2 with beauty, motherly, and sweet over chemistry and adventure … is Emily!”

So much of dating is stories. If it’s about good food at a good price, every man should take his date to their living room for a pepperoni Tombstone. You take them to the rooftop hotspot with the tablecloth for the story. If finding a mate was about getting the best genes, you wouldn’t care about where or when else those genes were spread as long as you got yours. You want the love, hope, belief, and faith that are built through the story. That’s the powerful part.

Another issue for the Brad and Emily to sort out is the balance of power. For the longest time it resided solely in the Brad's court. She couldn't call him out for his interactions with other girls because he was the Mao Zedong of Bachelorville. Now, she has to pick him as much, or probably more, than the other way around. There isn't a harem drinking his koolaid for him to fall back on. Welcome to equal footing, good sir.

Will they make it? Who knows. I hope so. Lots of issues came up in the After the Rose, but they’re still at the table with a chip and a chair. Brad and Emily hold the pen with the book open to the next chapter.

A Man's Perspective - Reunion

A few random thoughts from the reunion show - a.k.a. "CATFIGHT! MEOW!"

- I always love when the cameraman make a point of showing the diverse studio audience. They have to hit every demographic and with The Bachelor reunion show, the minority group is men. So when they broke from commercial and showed two men in the audience, I couldn't help but think..."that's going to be me and the Bach Blogger some day".
- I wonder if any bachelor has made a mistake on the reunion show and blurted out, "I just didn't think I would find a woman like Emily" or "I just am madly in love with Chantal" and then ABC just edits it out. If this happens, would ABC lock the entire reunion show audience up for a week? I know from a friend that was on a reality show that networks make contestants sign contracts restricting them from leaking a story to the media before it airs on TV. The contract language usually threatens million dollar lawsuits, etc. I wonder if they make the reunion show audience sign similar contracts.
- I'm sure everyone noticed Chris Harrison's excellent soccer skills, but did anyone notice that Chris is wearing a woman's wedding ring. Did ABC pay for that? In past episodes they show the Bachelor choosing engagement rings for his future bride. I think Chris was given the ring that a former Bachelor didn't want.
- Brad has used the "I think you are an exceptional woman" line over and over again this season…and it seems to be working. I personally think the brutal and honest truth is the best way to go, but Brad's attempt to be the man to console the woman after breaking up with them seems to be working. There were very few that were mad at him, so maybe Brad is on to something. The next new breakup line..."it's not you, it's me, but you're an exceptional woman"
- Bachelor Pad this summer!! And the stars of the show are Vienna and Rozlyn. Bachelor Pad 1 wasn't really any good and I certainly don't think these two can attract more of an audience than Gia and Tenley. Which brings us to our...

Quote of the Week - Reunion Episode

Krisily - "Vienna was friends with Gia and then slept with Wes behind Gia's back"

Some things never change. Wes has always been a player and always will be. Vienna has always been shady and always will be. Gia will continue to get played because she chooses bad men.

Runner Up Quote of the Week - Reunion Episode

We're all sexual creatures - Rozlyn

Advice for the Bachelorettes

Ashley S - I can't tell if the show helped her realize that she needed more confidence. I know she said "Confidence is key", but I feel like it was her quoting what her friends or therapist have been telling her since watching the show. When she still brings up the fact that all of her past relationships have cheated on her or left her, it is just sad. She did have some insightful quotes though. "I think the moral of the story is, don't act like that in front of a guy (referring to Rachiel and Melissa)" and ""Feeling like you deserve love is really important". Is Ashley S trying to take the Man's Perspective's job???!!!

Michelle - The reunion raised a good question, how much kicking should you do when a girl is already down? I'm not a big conflict guy, so part of me was cringing as the ladies piled it on, but another part of me was applauding Jackie, Sarah P and Stacey. What goes around comes around. I think Michelle was mean to a lot of girls and I still don't think she has given a sincere apology. Her explanation that she gave over and over again was, I was there for the right reasons, I left my daughter…That doesn't excuse you for being mean to everyone. Those tears were because she felt bad for herself at that moment, not because she felt bad for what she said on the show. I think the best approach Michelle could have taken was to bring a list of every bad comment she made and stand up and read the bad comments to each girl and apologize. Not only would it have been hilarious, but it could have filled 20 minutes and I wouldn't have had to watch the boring "highlights" of past episodes.

Ashley H - A Man's Perspective prides himself on knowing the right thing to do and giving advice to others, but Ashley H's appearance on the reunion show made me realize that I need help. Here is my big question. If a women has a noticable big change in her appearance, do you have to complement her even if you don't like it? I say no, but that is just me. I bet 95% of the world would lie. My appreach in the past has been to ignore the change completely even though it is the most obvious change in the world. Really, you haven't had pink hair for the last three years??!! Really, that tattoo on your cheek is new??!!! The worst is when someone is fishing for a compliment and asks you your opinion. What should I do in that situation? Lying would break my moral code, but so does making someone cry. So back to Ashley H. Chris complemented her and the entire studio clapped. I think she looks worse!! She obviously looked different when they introduced her and I spent the next 20-30 minutes trying to figure out what changed. I think the big changes (Hair, lipstick, dress) all made her look worse. I liked the blond highlights and her old hairstyle. Her red lipstick is way too bold. And the dress and overall style just isn't her. I'm all for the girl next door type trying to sex it up a little bit, but this just didn't do it for me.I'm not digging her look at all.

A few words for our parting Bachelorette

Since we don't have any eliminated women this week, I thought I would offer my opinion on the final two women. I'm not sure who is going to win next week, but I definitely think Chantal is a better fit for Brad than Emily. Brad seems like he likes to goof around a lot and I think Chantal will make him laugh more than Emily. If he goes the Emily route he is immediately entering father mode and I just don't think he is ready for that type of commitment. The only thing for certain, one of these girls is going to be crushed.

Tell All Bawl and Brawl

It was time for frenemy reunion week in Bachelorland. I always have high hopes that contestants will watch themselves on the season and come on this episode with some perspective, humility, and class. That pretty much never happens. The human mind’s ability to rationalize and justify ridiculous behavior is alive and well. (Is this counter-evolutionism?) For our entertainment purposes, I say hallelujah.

So many train-wrecks … where to begin. Jackie?! This one surprised me; I liked her before. Now, what a B! “I’m so used to meeting these twenty somethings, … it was refreshing to meet this real man.” Excuse me, you’re 28. People who constantly whine about how immature the people their same age are … are just as, if not more, immature. The “spider” comment towards Michelle, followed by the “f’d up” Melissa Leo moment and the piling on after Michele hit the canvas (crying with head in hands) reflected poorly on her character. Go take your nasally ‘tude, ball it up, and stuff it in your mouth. Please.

The Melissa-Raichel mess is just as much of a disaster as it was before. I’d like to pick Melissa in this feud, but that’s like picking Stalin over Hitler in the humanitarian-of-the-year award. Raichel, look me in the eyes and listen: Melissa did NOT ruin your chances; you were never close.

Why does everyone blame themselves for it not working out with the Brad?! I should have said this, I should have put myself out there more, I shouldn’t have said that, I … blah blah blah. 99.99% of the time, what’s supposed to happen in relationships, eventually happens. What you do or don’t say/do can prolong or speed up the inevitable, but every relationship that ends doesn’t mean you or the other person failed. If you cheated, lied, abused, etc., OK, yeah, then you failed. Yes, please evaluate and analyze and assess how to be more true to yourself and who you want to be in a relationship and what qualities you need in the other person. However, please don’t beat yourself up for results that are the healthiest conclusion. Live your life believing in free will and that your choices impact outcomes, and also find the inner-harmony that comes with predestination (when it’s wrong, you can’t do anything to make it work; when it’s right, you’re not going to be able to screw it up). Those may seem like mutually exclusive positions, but I think it might be a recipe for success.

Sarah and Stacey couldn’t class up a strip joint. I actually thought Michelle handled herself rather well taking on the onslaught. I like her more than before.

Lisa stuck up for Michelle in a genuine and honest-sounding way, and she really impressed me with her Walter Payton (sweetness). Madison, Britt, Ashley Seal, and Ashley Dentist all made good impressions. I go back and forth on whether I like Ashley’s new ‘do or not, but she seems to have a good head on her shoulders.

All people, including the Brad, need to choose words sooooo carefully when they break up with someone. The whole “not a great wife for me” line was probably uttered with good intentions but came across poorly.

The Brad’s got that (crap) eating grin on his face that all is right with the world. (Sidenote: I have no idea how that grin phrase came into being; it makes absolutely no sense.) He can bench press his car, jump over his house, run a marathon before work in the morning, over lunch, and again before dinner with all the love – infused adrenaline in his body.

I’m looking forward to seeing his dream come true next week. I know all you saps are too.