I was listening to the radio the other day and the Bachelor became the topic of conversation. One of the hosts claimed that the girls on the show straddle the fence between trying "not to be crazy" and "showing Jake how much they like him." Some even ask him if he'd like to watch when they do the straddling. (Made that up.)
Let's evaluate that theory. Many of the "dismissed" regret that they didn't tell Jake how they feel earlier or in more detail. (I loved you from the moment I met you. No, I mean I loved you before I met you!) On the other hand, every season we see lots of "crazy" chicks hang around a lot longer than we think they maybe should (i.e. Vienna deVille).
I reckon that the lesson to be learned is that you can't do love without some crazy. If you try to hide the crazy, you'll probably miss out on some love. OK, that's maybe a bit overboard. You can do love without crazy. My mom doesn't hack into my dad's email or publicly seduce him (at least anymore ... why, why, did I go there? Brainflush, brainflush). But seriously, the mutual craziness stage can act like a glue that brings two together. When the craziness fades, the glue has formed and now you're stuck!, or committed and stable.
If you don't accept that some craziness is going to be involved, you probably should just sit out. If you constantly try to rationalize and suppress your impulses away, your object of affection will think you are not interested.
That's why I'm cool with a little bit of crazy. It's easy to criticize from the sidelines (which is what most who watch this show do), but the people in the show are giving it a shot. If someone allows themselves to show you their crazy, you are morally obligated to also show them yours. No. However, you should generally respect the attempt. If someone shows you their crazy, that just means they have excellent taste! Thanks, Mom. (Mom reference #2 - does that mean I need a psychologist?)
So Bachelorettes, keep telling me about your wedding plans with Jake, keep dreaming about what your kids are going to look like Conan-style, and keep crying when your multiple days long relationship ends roseless. At least you put out ... you know, your crazy.
1/28/2010
Hot Dogs! Get Your Hot Dogs!
Jake really seemed to be struggling this week with the decisions on who he was going to send home. He needs to remember that things could be much . . . much . . . worse . . . (I hated that book).
Initial Musings: I like Gia. She seems to be fairly level-headed, and doesn't seem to get too worked up in the drama of the other women, but holy Peter, Paul, and Mary, who says, "I've never been in an RV before; I'm very nervous." An RV is neither the equivalent of a submarine nor a space shuttle. There is no reason to be nervous, nor is there any reason to note that you have never ridden in this vehicle. Also, what's with the stilettos in the vineyard? Didn't you get the memo?
Jake seems like a decent enough guy, but he also has some tool-like qualities: I loved the scene where he was shaving outside before his date with Gia; who does he think he is? Also, I can't believe he was like, "We're going to eat hot dogs for dinner; I want to see if she can handle this..." This is the big test? Having her eat a hot dog? She's from New York, not PETA.
And what was going on when he had the one-on-one time on the group date? When he was laying (or is it lying?) across Tenley's lap, was he trying to talk to her or breast feed? Inappropriate Jake...
Dismissals: Ella seems nice enough, but she did nothing for me. It wasn't the kid issue. It may have been the accent. Kathryn, I hardly knew ye. You may have had a chance to live another week but you let your frustrations of a lack of Jake-time spill over into your opportunity to make a good impression or re-connect. I loved the staged, slow walk out to the bon fire to toss away the rose, letting his hopes for love vanish into the air with each smoldering petal. As far as Jessie, I think she survived week after week mostly because there were other girls he had to send home, and I think she was the beneficiary in flying under the radar. If this were the Olympics, and after the event was finished, we would have been treated to a little of this for Jessi.
Ashleigh's from Potomac, Maryland. I'd cross it for you. I think Ashleigh had it together more than a lot of these ladies. Maybe Jake's loss will be my gain.
The soon to be Dismissed: Vienna and Ali. I think it would be fitting if the two arch-enemies were sent backing in the same week.
Finally, a word about ending relationships: I'm sure everyone has trouble finding the right words when they are trying to end a relationship, but I find it incredibly disingenuous at how complimentary Jake is when he sends these ladies home. He goes on and on about what an amazing person each woman is. We don't really know if they are amazing or not. I would rather he just thank them for coming and that he wasn't feeling a connection.
I will, however, raise a glass to him for sending four women home this week instead of the minimum three. There is no sense is wasting their time if he knows it is not going to work out.
And what was with the COPS-style camera work when Jake went out to find Chris to discuss taking away an extra rose?
Until next time,
Chuck Woolery
1/25/2010
The Answer: 5 --- The Question: Survivors and Stages
Today, as a Viking Nation, we must begin our healing process. It's not really that different than what 24 or 25 of the ladies in Bachelor nation go through every season. In tonight's case, it was a surprising 4!
The Kubler-Ross model tells us that there are five stages of grief. These include:
1) Denial (not just a river in Africa).
2) Anger (Chicken Tetrazzini?! ... and in case you didn't catch it the first time ... Chicken Tetrazzini)
3) Bargaining (to a poker player this means saying "one time!" ... 100 times)
4) Depression (Don't be down! At this advanced stage of your life, you won't have to go through a break-up with anybody better!)
5) Acceptance ("I know I'm destined to be a victim for the rest of my cursed life, and I accept that." Umm, maybe that's a little bit of 2, sprinkled with some 4, but you get the picture.)
As a Vikings fan, you may go through this process by 1) hoping for an extra 5 seconds to look for a flag on the last play and avoid talk radio / newspapers for a day; 2) snap at the quasi-sports fan who tries to tell you it's just a game; 3) tell yourself that Brett will come back next year, Adrian will buy Stick Em, Winfield will impersonate Darelle Revis once again, and playoff magic is only a calendar turn away; 4) realize that training camp is like 6 months away and you live in a frozen tundra; 5) understand that you are the Chicago Cubs of football.
Unfortunately, the relationship break-up process doesn't have as nice of a concrete finish. With the Vikings, you prepared yourself for the final play by "don't fumble!," "catch it!," "tackle him!" stomach knots all day long. You also knew that Sunday evening would bring either a celebration or season closure.
The relationship game takes a lot more signal reading, face-saving, flip-flopping, excuse finding, lesson learning, answer searching, second chance wondering, theory busting confusion. The Bachelor even adds in a competitive factor that takes away the "bad timing" excuse and adds in the "it's not you, it's her" brutal honesty (sorry Ashleigh, he opted for Vienna).
I would argue that why many of us like watching this show is due to the fact that watching a break-up occur is fascinating. There's a rawness to that moment that many can't hide no matter how many cameras they know are focused on them.
As for tonight's episode, Jake was a cold-blooded dream killer.
Ashleigh went with the head sideways flirt move and the hands pretty much in his pockets play. If you pull out those big guns and he's not yours, well, there's not a whole lot more you can do. Not feeling it means not feeling it.
Ella didn't find her fella. I shouldn't jest about this, but I couldn't help but giggle when Jake asked her about her priorities, she said her son was #1, he said he wouldn't want to keep her from him, and she throws the little guy under the bus by saying if there's ANY chance that it's gonna work he's gotta let her stay.
Kathryn got serious and borderline accusatory with Jake before the chance for them to have fun together NOT serious. I don't think dishonesty or holding back was the answer, but it just didn't progress the way it usually does.
Jessie never had the opportunity to show us much. Too bad, she seemed cool.
Ali was a little better behaved than she was last week. It seems like Jake and her are in a relationship when they are together. I think there'd be some fireworks if Jake ends up with her, but maybe it'd be good for Mr. Vanilla to take on some butterscotch.
Corrie survives for another week. She has a very expressive face. I don't know what that means.
The Kubler-Ross model tells us that there are five stages of grief. These include:
1) Denial (not just a river in Africa).
2) Anger (Chicken Tetrazzini?! ... and in case you didn't catch it the first time ... Chicken Tetrazzini)
3) Bargaining (to a poker player this means saying "one time!" ... 100 times)
4) Depression (Don't be down! At this advanced stage of your life, you won't have to go through a break-up with anybody better!)
5) Acceptance ("I know I'm destined to be a victim for the rest of my cursed life, and I accept that." Umm, maybe that's a little bit of 2, sprinkled with some 4, but you get the picture.)
As a Vikings fan, you may go through this process by 1) hoping for an extra 5 seconds to look for a flag on the last play and avoid talk radio / newspapers for a day; 2) snap at the quasi-sports fan who tries to tell you it's just a game; 3) tell yourself that Brett will come back next year, Adrian will buy Stick Em, Winfield will impersonate Darelle Revis once again, and playoff magic is only a calendar turn away; 4) realize that training camp is like 6 months away and you live in a frozen tundra; 5) understand that you are the Chicago Cubs of football.
Unfortunately, the relationship break-up process doesn't have as nice of a concrete finish. With the Vikings, you prepared yourself for the final play by "don't fumble!," "catch it!," "tackle him!" stomach knots all day long. You also knew that Sunday evening would bring either a celebration or season closure.
The relationship game takes a lot more signal reading, face-saving, flip-flopping, excuse finding, lesson learning, answer searching, second chance wondering, theory busting confusion. The Bachelor even adds in a competitive factor that takes away the "bad timing" excuse and adds in the "it's not you, it's her" brutal honesty (sorry Ashleigh, he opted for Vienna).
I would argue that why many of us like watching this show is due to the fact that watching a break-up occur is fascinating. There's a rawness to that moment that many can't hide no matter how many cameras they know are focused on them.
As for tonight's episode, Jake was a cold-blooded dream killer.
Ashleigh went with the head sideways flirt move and the hands pretty much in his pockets play. If you pull out those big guns and he's not yours, well, there's not a whole lot more you can do. Not feeling it means not feeling it.
Ella didn't find her fella. I shouldn't jest about this, but I couldn't help but giggle when Jake asked her about her priorities, she said her son was #1, he said he wouldn't want to keep her from him, and she throws the little guy under the bus by saying if there's ANY chance that it's gonna work he's gotta let her stay.
Kathryn got serious and borderline accusatory with Jake before the chance for them to have fun together NOT serious. I don't think dishonesty or holding back was the answer, but it just didn't progress the way it usually does.
Jessie never had the opportunity to show us much. Too bad, she seemed cool.
Ali was a little better behaved than she was last week. It seems like Jake and her are in a relationship when they are together. I think there'd be some fireworks if Jake ends up with her, but maybe it'd be good for Mr. Vanilla to take on some butterscotch.
Corrie survives for another week. She has a very expressive face. I don't know what that means.
Gia's awesome. I'd use a better word, but boys aren't good with words. I played a game of Taboo the other weekend and the dudes were absolutely dominated by the chicks. I know our gender is known to be slower developers, but shouldn't we catch up by now? I'm trying to get by in life with points and grunts.
Vienna. I'm not ashamed to admit it, I let out a little Paul Allen NO! when you received your rose.
Tenley - Becoming America's Sweetheart. This young lady must read the same books my sister does because they use the same phrase-ology sometimes. However, my sister also brings the shock and awe when she deems it appropriate. (I don't think she reads me much, so let's just call this a prod / test). :)
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