Finale

Here's a recap from one disgruntled viewer...

Tenley was the hands down favorite for Jake's family. Jake confessed to his Mom that he likes it rough and Dad's quivering chin and lower lip was a bit too much. His tears eventually filled the backyard swimming pool and allowed for a clothes-on family gang bang of Tenley in the deep end. So that's how it is in their family.

Vienna received a cool reception from Jake's female relatives. Jake apparently biased the jury with the tales of Vienna based catfights back at the pimp pad. Slowly but surely, the daft, woman-hating Vienna was able to bring Mom out of reverse and into neutral. A mistrial was declared - exonerating Vienna of any b*tchery.

Jake and Vienna got down and dirty in the mud pit. The silky mud apparently exfoliated away any common sense Jake had left. While on a boat with Tenley, Rico Sauve, dropped the "you're not physically attractive" bomb and almost fell asleep. Well played captian D-Bag.

I'm sure you can tell I'm not terribly happy with Jake's choice of spicy over sweet. When the helicopter rides, rooftop dinners and shopping sprees all end, Vienna is going to be waking up in a one-bedroom apartment in Dallas. How long do you think she's going to stay? Then again, do I want Jake to be happy? Not really. I wish the both of them good luck on the reality tv show circut for the next 18 months.

Yours,

Mr. Rant