Yes, that V card, the one Corrie brought out. We're going there. Why? Am I an idiot? Very possibly. This topic has as much chance of pleasing a diverse audience as does a Palin-Franken duet. If being mind-numbingly entertained is your goal, please read a different post (or maybe even a different blog?). This one wouldn't be for you. OK, I'm jumping in now. Eeek!
When the virginity topic was brought up last night, I would guess many reactions were felt, including but not limited to: 1) oh jeez, don't go there, this is fantasy and I don't want anything to do with this Debbie Downer topic; 2) yeah! I like her more now; 3) what a prude; 4) thought so; 5) warm up the bus, you're gone! ... Point is, chances are, you felt something.
There is a continuum of positions (no, not those kinds of positions, Mr. Quagmire) on the, let's say, Sexual Progressivity Scale. On one end is the nuns, with the other side being the funs. (Or if you'd rather, the pures and the huuures.) We all have either established a certain place on that scale or have moved up and down it a bit. The chances of you finding someone who is at the exact same place you are on that scale is rare. This ... causes issues.
It causes issues because sex matters (a lot) to everybody. Quick, what is the first word that comes to mind that comes before "scandal"? Sex. It becomes a big part of many people's identities, in ways that bring both pride and shame / worry.
When you are feeling like you are on the "nun" side of the spectrum, you might feel proud about your values, your gift to a future (current) mate, your physical / emotional / spiritual health, your self-respect, and your everything-I-might-want-is-still-out-there-for-me attitude. However, just when you are confident about this, you start to wonder if it's really that big of a deal, if you're missing out on sweet adventures for being such a prude, whether you'll be any good when you actually are in the situation, whether you could even get some if you wanted some, and feel like you are seriously lacking in validation ... and judged by the "funs."
When you are feeling like you are on the "fun" side, you might feel proud about how desireable you are, how much fun you're having, how powerful you are, how adventurous you are, how living-life-to-the-fullest you are. However, you also have that nagging feeling that it's supposed to mean something more, it's great but also empty, worry if anyone I really care about will accept me for the mistakes I've made ... and feeling judged by the "nuns."
I'm not telling you where you should be on this scale. I'm saying that it's hard to be both a "nun" and a "fun" and there are people in this world who could make you feel like either one. When you're with somebody, assuming where the other person is on that scale, assuming what's gonna happen at what relationship stage, assuming that the other person resents the parts of you that are different from them ... are all damaging. If you find a way to build a mutual sexual identity that brings you fun AND peace of mind, that's a pretty cool thing.
And finally, I think the Bachelor went a bit overboard on the "shocking / startling" revelation stuff. Lies: Everybody has sex and everybody goes to college. Truth: 52% of high school graduates still hold their V card and 53% attend any college (27% attain a Bachelor's degree). I'd agree that the V card shift would be large over the next 7-10 years (which would include the ages of most on this show), but the number wouldn't disappear entirely. Are we going to get a shocking revelation that a contestant is left-handed next week? Highly doubt it.
Thanks for reading. Friends?
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