Br-Emily

What a finale! Let’s just pretend there was a great introduction right here and get to it.

I didn’t know the Brad is brothers with the dude from Rascal Flatts?! I bet the comments from the wifeys on how Emily’s a mother “so she gets us” could get under the skin of some. Not all single people close down bars every night and view children as aliens (just like not all mothers slave away in the kitchen to provide a nutritionally balanced meal for their children, read Swiss Family Robinson to them, tuck them in, kiss them on the forehead, shut off the lights, and go downstairs to knit every evening). If we are not red states nor blue states but rather the united states (raawr!), then we can also have mommies, daddies, and those (scared) kidless all get along. Right friends?

Chantal’s map and letter received a round of applause … from herself. I knew she was doomed when the Brad called her “Channy, channy, channy.” If the nickname I have for someone reminds me of the flat-chested, low-voiced, muscular individual in a skirt and lots of makeup who checked me out at the Lake Street Cub Foods the other day, then I’m not proposing to that person.

The Brad’s heart to heart with Emily on their date was sweet and kinda comical. Where was he going with the “I don’t want to be her step-father, I want to be her REAL father” stuff? Does he want to have some DNA re-engineering done on a 5 year-old?

The Brad’s breakdown made no sense to me. I didn’t see any reasons for his defensiveness nor his “shot down” and “defeated” response. To be honest, it made me question his intelligence a little bit, too. (Sorry if anyone considers that blasphemous.)

Not gonna lie, I let out a “Boom!” when Chantal got out of that limo first. You never know what kind of curveball this one’s going to throw at you.

There is one word that keeps coming to mind for me in this episode and in the “After the Rose,” and that word is “story.” For me, that’s what is missing for Chantal in the closure department and is a struggle for Emily in the commitment department. People sometimes fall in love with their own stories as much as they fall in love with a person. Special, the one, chemistry, I knew, meant to be, etc. are easier words to swallow than choice, commitment, sacrifice, etc.

Chantal created a love story in her head with the Brad. When he broke up with her, that story fell apart. What I read in her questions to him was that she really wanted him to validate her experience. I didn’t see that she still wanted to be with him or anything like that, but rather hear that her reality was, to as much as the Brad was willing to admit, a shared experience. He didn’t really give that to her.

Understandably so, as his unwillingness to admit much in the feelings department to Chantal is a way to build up Emily’s story. We all know that Emily LOVES her story. It’s tragic, it’s heartwarming, and we’ve heard it a bunch of times. She is trying to make the Brad her story too. It’s not very romantic to hear “the judges have reached a decision: winning, on a score of 3 to 2 with beauty, motherly, and sweet over chemistry and adventure … is Emily!”

So much of dating is stories. If it’s about good food at a good price, every man should take his date to their living room for a pepperoni Tombstone. You take them to the rooftop hotspot with the tablecloth for the story. If finding a mate was about getting the best genes, you wouldn’t care about where or when else those genes were spread as long as you got yours. You want the love, hope, belief, and faith that are built through the story. That’s the powerful part.

Another issue for the Brad and Emily to sort out is the balance of power. For the longest time it resided solely in the Brad's court. She couldn't call him out for his interactions with other girls because he was the Mao Zedong of Bachelorville. Now, she has to pick him as much, or probably more, than the other way around. There isn't a harem drinking his koolaid for him to fall back on. Welcome to equal footing, good sir.

Will they make it? Who knows. I hope so. Lots of issues came up in the After the Rose, but they’re still at the table with a chip and a chair. Brad and Emily hold the pen with the book open to the next chapter.

A Man's Perspective - Reunion

A few random thoughts from the reunion show - a.k.a. "CATFIGHT! MEOW!"

- I always love when the cameraman make a point of showing the diverse studio audience. They have to hit every demographic and with The Bachelor reunion show, the minority group is men. So when they broke from commercial and showed two men in the audience, I couldn't help but think..."that's going to be me and the Bach Blogger some day".
- I wonder if any bachelor has made a mistake on the reunion show and blurted out, "I just didn't think I would find a woman like Emily" or "I just am madly in love with Chantal" and then ABC just edits it out. If this happens, would ABC lock the entire reunion show audience up for a week? I know from a friend that was on a reality show that networks make contestants sign contracts restricting them from leaking a story to the media before it airs on TV. The contract language usually threatens million dollar lawsuits, etc. I wonder if they make the reunion show audience sign similar contracts.
- I'm sure everyone noticed Chris Harrison's excellent soccer skills, but did anyone notice that Chris is wearing a woman's wedding ring. Did ABC pay for that? In past episodes they show the Bachelor choosing engagement rings for his future bride. I think Chris was given the ring that a former Bachelor didn't want.
- Brad has used the "I think you are an exceptional woman" line over and over again this season…and it seems to be working. I personally think the brutal and honest truth is the best way to go, but Brad's attempt to be the man to console the woman after breaking up with them seems to be working. There were very few that were mad at him, so maybe Brad is on to something. The next new breakup line..."it's not you, it's me, but you're an exceptional woman"
- Bachelor Pad this summer!! And the stars of the show are Vienna and Rozlyn. Bachelor Pad 1 wasn't really any good and I certainly don't think these two can attract more of an audience than Gia and Tenley. Which brings us to our...

Quote of the Week - Reunion Episode

Krisily - "Vienna was friends with Gia and then slept with Wes behind Gia's back"

Some things never change. Wes has always been a player and always will be. Vienna has always been shady and always will be. Gia will continue to get played because she chooses bad men.

Runner Up Quote of the Week - Reunion Episode

We're all sexual creatures - Rozlyn

Advice for the Bachelorettes

Ashley S - I can't tell if the show helped her realize that she needed more confidence. I know she said "Confidence is key", but I feel like it was her quoting what her friends or therapist have been telling her since watching the show. When she still brings up the fact that all of her past relationships have cheated on her or left her, it is just sad. She did have some insightful quotes though. "I think the moral of the story is, don't act like that in front of a guy (referring to Rachiel and Melissa)" and ""Feeling like you deserve love is really important". Is Ashley S trying to take the Man's Perspective's job???!!!

Michelle - The reunion raised a good question, how much kicking should you do when a girl is already down? I'm not a big conflict guy, so part of me was cringing as the ladies piled it on, but another part of me was applauding Jackie, Sarah P and Stacey. What goes around comes around. I think Michelle was mean to a lot of girls and I still don't think she has given a sincere apology. Her explanation that she gave over and over again was, I was there for the right reasons, I left my daughter…That doesn't excuse you for being mean to everyone. Those tears were because she felt bad for herself at that moment, not because she felt bad for what she said on the show. I think the best approach Michelle could have taken was to bring a list of every bad comment she made and stand up and read the bad comments to each girl and apologize. Not only would it have been hilarious, but it could have filled 20 minutes and I wouldn't have had to watch the boring "highlights" of past episodes.

Ashley H - A Man's Perspective prides himself on knowing the right thing to do and giving advice to others, but Ashley H's appearance on the reunion show made me realize that I need help. Here is my big question. If a women has a noticable big change in her appearance, do you have to complement her even if you don't like it? I say no, but that is just me. I bet 95% of the world would lie. My appreach in the past has been to ignore the change completely even though it is the most obvious change in the world. Really, you haven't had pink hair for the last three years??!! Really, that tattoo on your cheek is new??!!! The worst is when someone is fishing for a compliment and asks you your opinion. What should I do in that situation? Lying would break my moral code, but so does making someone cry. So back to Ashley H. Chris complemented her and the entire studio clapped. I think she looks worse!! She obviously looked different when they introduced her and I spent the next 20-30 minutes trying to figure out what changed. I think the big changes (Hair, lipstick, dress) all made her look worse. I liked the blond highlights and her old hairstyle. Her red lipstick is way too bold. And the dress and overall style just isn't her. I'm all for the girl next door type trying to sex it up a little bit, but this just didn't do it for me.I'm not digging her look at all.

A few words for our parting Bachelorette

Since we don't have any eliminated women this week, I thought I would offer my opinion on the final two women. I'm not sure who is going to win next week, but I definitely think Chantal is a better fit for Brad than Emily. Brad seems like he likes to goof around a lot and I think Chantal will make him laugh more than Emily. If he goes the Emily route he is immediately entering father mode and I just don't think he is ready for that type of commitment. The only thing for certain, one of these girls is going to be crushed.

Tell All Bawl and Brawl

It was time for frenemy reunion week in Bachelorland. I always have high hopes that contestants will watch themselves on the season and come on this episode with some perspective, humility, and class. That pretty much never happens. The human mind’s ability to rationalize and justify ridiculous behavior is alive and well. (Is this counter-evolutionism?) For our entertainment purposes, I say hallelujah.

So many train-wrecks … where to begin. Jackie?! This one surprised me; I liked her before. Now, what a B! “I’m so used to meeting these twenty somethings, … it was refreshing to meet this real man.” Excuse me, you’re 28. People who constantly whine about how immature the people their same age are … are just as, if not more, immature. The “spider” comment towards Michelle, followed by the “f’d up” Melissa Leo moment and the piling on after Michele hit the canvas (crying with head in hands) reflected poorly on her character. Go take your nasally ‘tude, ball it up, and stuff it in your mouth. Please.

The Melissa-Raichel mess is just as much of a disaster as it was before. I’d like to pick Melissa in this feud, but that’s like picking Stalin over Hitler in the humanitarian-of-the-year award. Raichel, look me in the eyes and listen: Melissa did NOT ruin your chances; you were never close.

Why does everyone blame themselves for it not working out with the Brad?! I should have said this, I should have put myself out there more, I shouldn’t have said that, I … blah blah blah. 99.99% of the time, what’s supposed to happen in relationships, eventually happens. What you do or don’t say/do can prolong or speed up the inevitable, but every relationship that ends doesn’t mean you or the other person failed. If you cheated, lied, abused, etc., OK, yeah, then you failed. Yes, please evaluate and analyze and assess how to be more true to yourself and who you want to be in a relationship and what qualities you need in the other person. However, please don’t beat yourself up for results that are the healthiest conclusion. Live your life believing in free will and that your choices impact outcomes, and also find the inner-harmony that comes with predestination (when it’s wrong, you can’t do anything to make it work; when it’s right, you’re not going to be able to screw it up). Those may seem like mutually exclusive positions, but I think it might be a recipe for success.

Sarah and Stacey couldn’t class up a strip joint. I actually thought Michelle handled herself rather well taking on the onslaught. I like her more than before.

Lisa stuck up for Michelle in a genuine and honest-sounding way, and she really impressed me with her Walter Payton (sweetness). Madison, Britt, Ashley Seal, and Ashley Dentist all made good impressions. I go back and forth on whether I like Ashley’s new ‘do or not, but she seems to have a good head on her shoulders.

All people, including the Brad, need to choose words sooooo carefully when they break up with someone. The whole “not a great wife for me” line was probably uttered with good intentions but came across poorly.

The Brad’s got that (crap) eating grin on his face that all is right with the world. (Sidenote: I have no idea how that grin phrase came into being; it makes absolutely no sense.) He can bench press his car, jump over his house, run a marathon before work in the morning, over lunch, and again before dinner with all the love – infused adrenaline in his body.

I’m looking forward to seeing his dream come true next week. I know all you saps are too.

A Man's Perspective - Week 9

A few random thoughts from episode 9 - "The boring and predictable episode"

- Brad is freaking out. He needs Jaime the therapist!
- I like Chantal's take on engagement. I think the only reason why there should be time between an engagement and a wedding is to plan the wedding. I'm annoyed by engagements that don't turn into marriage.
- Who is going to be the next Bachelorette? Michelle, Shawntel, Ashley H, Ashley S or the loser of Chantal/Emily are the possibilities from this episode, but I don't think any of them fit the mold. My guess is that they will try to replicate the Brad and have a previous Bachelorette come back.
- I don't understand why Brad is so confused with the reaction from Ashley or any of the other girls after he dumps them. Do you think Brad slept with all of his ex-girlfriends right AFTER he broke up with them? If so, I think Brad needs to share his secrets with the rest of the men in this country.

Quote of the Week - Week 9

This week's winner is Brad for two quotes:
To Chantal - "I'm definitely the most comfortable when I'm around you"
To Emily - "I'm falling in love with you"

Brad raised the expectations for both of these girls with those comments. Should make for a dramatic exit interview in the final.

Advice for the Bachelorettes

Chantal - Anyone else notice that Chantal called Brad, "Hot stuff" on the way down to their picnic? That was annoying. I think Chantal strategically picked some low tops for the rest of her time on the Bachelor.

Emily - Brad can try to talk himself into being ready to be a dad, but I just don't see it. Will he figure that out before he gives Emily a ring? We'll find out in two weeks with the most romantic proposal in the history of the Bachelor. Only on ABC.

A few words for our parting Bachelorettes

Ashley - You are really surprised that you went home? Did Brad and Ashley do more in the fantasy suite besides argue and have first date like conversations? This is the only explanation I can come up with. Ashley spent the entire season expecting to get eliminated and then didn't see this one coming.

It was fun seeing the wild animals and dreaming about an African safari, but the rest of this episode was boring. Hopefully there is more to discuss after the reunion and the final episode.

Brace Yourself

South Africa! Let’s sweep the whole apartheid thing under the rug for a second and marvel at the majestic sights of this beautiful country. I want to go there. Does Ernie Els have a daughter?

This is “overnight date week” in Bachelorville. Why just there? If we have days set aside for arbors and labors, I don’t understand why we can’t set aside a week for something like this.

The Brad has it so easy. He can give a girl an invitation to shack up and say “Chris Harrison gave this to you.” Chris Harrison should rent himself out. It comes across so much classier than the typical alcohol/desperation/might-as-well-best-available-option hookup reasons.

I loved the conversation between Emily and the Brad after the elephant ride about lil Ricky being a package deal. Emily brings out the protector / provider side of Brad. If not noticeable on the surface, just about every guy wants to be that for their right girl. Striking a balance between independence / strength and vulnerability / dependence is an important thing to figure out in a growing relationship. When Emily told Brad that, you know, she was falling in love with him, I think he wanted to stand up and ring the bell declaring this bout OVER. The 90 pounder has TKO’d the field.

Ashley got enough reassurance from the Brad to overcome her fear of helicopters and go on that breathtaking ride. Sooo many girls on this show can’t do something until they receive the reassurance from the Bachelor. I think it would be funny if just one time the Bachelor tells her to stop being such a baby and get in the dang plane/boat/harness. Sorry for the spike of cynicism; I’ll get back to the “Hallmark zone” now.

Did Ashley really say that she’d “consider living somewhere warm, like southern Maine?” Does she comprehend that she’s dating someone from Texas?

The over-achiever side of Ashley would scare me and I also think scared Brad. Achievement is great, but balance is too. Looking back, I know there are times I wish achievement was less of a focus of mine and also ponder what-ifs regarding pushing myself harder. Guys are super attracted to success and drive because we’re competitive and want to be “good enough” for that type of girl. However, it also brings up concerns about being nagged about not being/doing enough, an inability to stop and smell the roses / enjoy the moment, and being with someone who constantly looks for external sources of self-worth.

What an awkward date with Ashley. I don’t know if any of you have ever had one of those heart-sinking “this is over” type moments, but they definitely had that on this date. Awkward silences, bad communication, and they couldn’t even look at each other. You can try to be chipper and over-positive and force yourself back to the fantasy suite, but what’s done is done.

Brad cares a lot about being respectful, but with that desire I think he ends up applying it poorly during the break ups. The “Man’s Perspective” (what does that make me?) did an excellent job of bringing up this very topic last week. When you break up with somebody, the other person then gets the floor. You can’t force them to be friends, you can’t force them to like you, and you can’t force them to agree with you. If they take it well and want to go through the “you’re great” “no, you’re great” dance, then so be it. If they want to be very brief and cold and get out of there, that should be respected as well. Maybe some sort of friendship relationship can occur down the line. Brad, stop grabbing for hands and being over-chivalrous. What you just revealed to them is a place you got to for a considerably longer time period than you’ve given them to react to the new situation.

Finale next week - Does the Brad finally find his wife? Or is he the male version of the Runaway Bride?

A Man's Perspective - Week 8

A few random thoughts from week 8 - The "These girls do something besides tan and drink champagne" episode.

- I think the highlight of this week's episode was seeing the portrait of Shawntel and her sisters. Hopefully 80 years from now, that picture is on display sitting right next to their urns.
- On second thought, the intro to Shawntel's Chico hometown date was the highlight of week 8. That commercial was CLASSIC!! I thought it was an SNL skit at first
- I love when reality television hits the streets of New York. In every other state, you see random people stop to look at the camera, smile or waive. People on the street in NY just keep walking and see the cameras as an inconvenience.
- Why wouldn't Brad kiss Emily? Did he really think little Rickey was going to wake up? If she can fall asleep with a cameraman two feet from her bed, I doubt she is going to hear you smooching downstairs.
- So let me get this straight, ABC really needed to fly all four girls across the country for one of them to get dumped??!! I suggest a rose ceremony over Skype after the hometown date. Save one of the girls a trip. You could have the girls watch the rose ceremony with their family around, just like they do when they announce the teams that are selected into the NCAA basketball tournament each year.

Quote of the Week - Week 8

Brad - "Can I walk you out? Can I hold your hand?". I didn't hear any good quotes for week 8, so this week's award goes to Brad as the worst breaker upper EVER! I don't know if it is the questions or just the tone of his voice, but his consoling the girls after he breaks up with them is driving me crazy. And one more thing, don't put your hand on Shawntel's bare leg after you break up with her!!

Not a lot of advice for the girls this week and I doubt there will be for the rest of the season. These four girls made it this far because they have for the most part known how to conduct themselves on a date. They have made it past the dating stage and are entering into the relationship stage. For some people the relationship stage can last for years before marriage, for others it can be weeks. Clearly, any guy that goes on the Bachelor measures relationships in weeks rather than years. At this point Brad just needs to pick the girl that is right for him. Is he looking for the girl next door (Ashley), the beauty queen (Emily) or physical chemistry (Chantal)?

Advice for the Bachelorettes

Ashley - This is what I was thinking during the lunch scene. "She has really white teeth...she noticed Brad's crown. Oh yea, she is a dentist." Funny how you forget what these people really do for a living. Also shows why these hometown dates are so important. Brad gets a glimpse into what life with these girls might actually be like once the show has ended. Ashley's great relationship with her family was no surprise.

Chantal - She does a really good job of presenting herself. She is confident, she smiles a lot, she is well spoken, but not too choosy with her words, so she always comes off as genuine. Maybe a little emotional, but isn't every woman? Wow, what a house! Chantal obviously comes from money. I like that I didn't know this until this episode. My only advice for Chantal - You are a very attractive girl, but you need someone to give you the honest truth about what you wear every once in a while. That rose ceremony dress was not flattering. I didn't like your hair either. I liked the instant connection Brad had with wealthy businessman Mike O'Brien. Once your daughter is an adult that can make her own decisions, you don't need an overly protective father. A good father-in-law relationship should be friendly and not a father/son relationship.

Emily - Not much to talk about here. Emily is still super hot. She finally seemed natural when she was with her daughter. The only problem with this hometown was Brad. He obviously has little experience with kids and he is talking way too much about being Rickey's dad. Is it Ricky or Rickey? Interesting that once you have kids, the home town date doesn't include the Bachelorette's parents.

A few words for our parting Bachelorette

Shawntel - Hometown dates should give Brad a little taste of your life away from the show and to introduce Brad to your family. The key word is "little". Note to Shawntel - your job is not your life. I can understand bringing Brad to the funeral home, but spending the entire afternoon there shows Brad that your work might just be your life and if so, you have nothing in common. Shawntel's conversation with her dad made me feel sad for Shawntel. I think it would be hard to bear the responsibility of a community that needs you. It restricts your freedom. As a guy, I would never want to be the reason for a daugher and her parents not getting along. I think this would be a dealbreaker for me. So my advice to all (2-3?) of my readers is this...if you have to choose between your parents and a guy, don't have that conversation in front of the guy. I like Shawntel and believe she will be better off without Brad.

Oh and here are the results from a quick google search on why Chantal lives in the most amazing home that I've ever seen.

O'Brien, 51, now owns one of the Northwest's biggest auto empires with eight dealerships in Seattle, Tacoma, Bellevue and Kirkland selling Lexus, Land Rover, Jaguar, Toyota and Acura vehicles. His new Bellevue Lexus dealership, at the end of auto row and bordering Interstate 405, could hold several football fields. He's been hugely successful.

Home Cooking

Two posts in one night?! Consider yourself either lucky or cursed, but if you consider yourself cursed, no one’s forcing you to read this.

Time to take the Brad home to meet the families, and we’ll start with Chantal. Her family is loaded monetarily. The Brad and Chantal’s dad seem more like brothers than a father-son type relationship. Chantal’s mom definitely has body parts younger than Brad. She should come with an ingredients label, touting herself as “90% natural human parts!” No idea where the foundation for body image issues would come from for Chantal, none at all. I like little brothers when it comes to meeting future bro-in-laws. Moms and dads are protective; sisters are inquisitive and want to hear a love story, and little brothers just smirk with a … “you either are or want to be boinking my sister right now” look. Those guys are the best. As for the possible future bro-in-law, there’s really nothing you can do but smirk back.

Compared to a daughter, an ambitious tooth shaver, or an embalming kit, I think the pets would be the least scary for the Brad to take in. The Brad and Chantal have a connection, and it doesn’t appear that she would have much trouble relocating. She is an emotional smorgasbord that I’d get a little tired of. I fear that Brad would define her and she would look for him to give her meaning every day. It’s easier to have a partner who complements (that’s 2 E’s) you and is a positive part of your life, but not ALL of it. That’s my current question with these two.

Next we travel to Maine for Ash(ley). That fry-gravy-cheese stuff was some greasy grub I could get used to. When they arrived at Ashley’s parents’ place, I thought the whole family was going to sit on each other’s laps for a second. A bit awkward, but then a few sat Indian-style at the feet of Prophet Brad, like he was going to give a sermon About His Mounts (not to be confused with the Sermon on the Mount, which would provide more useful guidance).

Ashley's sister was tatted up like an American Lisbeth Salander (seriously people, read the books).

There’s nothing wrong in and of itself regarding the assurance, reassurance, assurance, reassurance game they’re playing. It’s important for people to know where they stand in a relationship and also hear it so their head’s games don’t take over the sane thoughts. However, in this case, I think it’s because they’re just not right for each other. My opinion only, which is not worth a Greek drachma (don’t flood my inbox, I know they’re on the Euro).

Shawntel brought the Brad back to Chico for a death tour, which is a really great idea for a lifelong attractive bachelor man thinking about ending his field-playing days. There is no way around it; that date was awkward. Shawntel’s dad had the business on the brain, and it turned into quite the guilt trip. Shawntel’s got a little rebel in her, so I say she eventually leaves Chico.

Although there is a lot of puffery (definitely could have come up with a better word there) on this show, I do believe the Brad is a pretty honest and respectable guy. The short term pain from hearing the truth is better than any alternative. When girls say he has set the bar higher for a future man to leap over, that should mean a lot to the Brad. There are times when we all get hurt or our egos bruised at the end of a relationship, but that shouldn’t cause any of us to lose sight of the goal of either finding the right relationship for us or wishing that other person the very best in finding it with someone better suited for them when it’s all said and done. If you can’t wish someone that at the end, you probably have to assess where your selfishness and pride are at.

Last, but certainly not least, is America’s Sweetheart, Emily. How can you not like this lady? The whole “I respect you and your daughter so much that I’m not going to kiss you” – “hey, wait a second, mister, but that little girl is going to be sleeping in that bed every single night so you better get your man lips over here” interaction was adorable. If Emily and the Brad ride off into the sunset together, they will be replaying that clip to their grandchildren some day.

Hopeless romantics are rooting for this story. As I say to all my lady masseuses (massi?), let’s go for the happy ending.

Boozer User

I was a little nerdy in my school days. I know, dang near impossible to imagine now. Think of it as a Steve to Stefan type conversion. It excited me when my cross-department classes covered the same topics. Stats are used in economics AND psychology … Awesome!

Well, I had the same feeling when it was revealed that the Bachelor’s very own reality villain Michelle has ties to another sports/entertainment time waster, fantasy basketball. Carlos Boozer left the Utah Jazz for the Chicago Bulls this offseason. There were many logical reasons for this, including leaving a small-market in Salt Lake for the windy city, dreaming of a potential title run paired with Derrick Rose and Joakim Noah, being coached by former Celtics defensive guru Tom Thibodeau instead of old school Jerry Sloan, playing alongside former fellow Dukie Luol Deng, leaving the mecca of those compelling “and I’m a Mormon” commercials before the brainwash becomes successful, or … for following the money. The last reason is a widely expected and accepted reason for the switch.

Well, could he possibly have left to get AWAY FROM the Money? Bachelor Michelle’s last name is Money. She allegedly (and I say “allegedly” because CBS News reported on it, and they’ve been wrong before) had an affair with Carlos that led to the break-up of the Boozer marriage (three Boozer and one "Money" kid involved). Michelle said she thought Carlos’ marriage was already over, which is so grossly negligent regarding a Utah athletic hero that she should get prison time. You can get dong shots of most athletes with a few keystrokes, so I think marital status can be figured out before you get it on.

Lots of people hurt in that situation I’m sure. It took the Brad a while to figure her out, but he’s got to be thrilled he let her go. The looks are gonna fade, honey, so you better start investing in your character before no one is willing to give you the time of day. … and Go Celtics!

A Man's Perspective - Week 7

A few random thoughts from Week 7 - The Brad Breaks the Rules Episode

- On Emily's date, Brad said that he was looking forward to one of the most romantic dates he had ever planned in his life. Brad is a liar. No way he plans these dates.
- What were the two local men thinking as they were swinging the jump rope for Brad and Shawntel as cameramen recorded their every move? This was hilarious. "These Americans are crazy! They've never seen a jump rope!"
- Brad's decision to get rid of Britt before he had to? I really really like that he got rid of her. Was it tough, yes! But why waste your time, why waste her time? I wish this happened more in real life. Too many people waste their time in relationships.
- The runner up quote of the week came from Michelle. "Truly - you used the yacht for Britt? Seems like a waste of a one-on-one to me. I don't think I even see them friending each other on facebook." Michelle - you are right. And speaking of that date…
- The whole date was awkward. It has to be next to impossible to have your first one-on-one date 5-6 weeks into the show. Brad has had multiple dates and has been comfortably kissing other women. Trying to rush into a sexual chemistry would be really weird, but without this type of interaction, Britt was just going to be a friend for Brad.
- Brad is so awkward with his chivalry after he eliminates someone. Comments like "Watch your step please" and "Can I take your hand" make me uncomfortable and I'm sure the girls feel the same way.
- "The Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue graces the cover on February 15th" I hate when shows strategically make these plugs…but I hate it even more when it works. As soon as I'm not concerned with someone looking over my shoulder at work, I will be going to the SI website to check these pictures out.
- No cocktail hour. Good choice. You should have already made up your mind by now. What's another hour going to do?

Quote of the Week - Week 7

This one goes to the one and only host of the Bachelor, Chris Harrison - "There will be a rose on the group date. The woman that receives the rose will be safe for the next ceremony and will be one of four women that will bring Brad home on a home date to meet your families, a huge step in a relationship."

Anyone else laugh at that last part? It made me seriously question my manhood. If Chris is explaining this to guys on the Bachelorette, there is no way that he says that last part. This was entirely for the women and the heavy female viewing audience. To a guy the home date is about seeing if a girl fits in with their family. To a girl, it is the next step in the RELATIONSHIP. I had to push pause, do 50 pushups and shotgun a beer before I could continue watching.


Advice for the Bachelorettes

Ashley - She rocked that photo shoot besides having an A- cup. Lesson to be learned - Everyone has positive qualities. Be confident and allow your best sides to come out. What not to do: "What's wrong? You're scaring me." That lack of confidence is annoying. In an earlier episode, there was a group date that Brad was going to give Ashley a rose and changed his mind. I thought he was going to do it again and wish he would have.

Chantal - If you read through my posts, you will find a theme. A girl's body, breast size, clothes, etc. don't make her sexy. Confidence (without arrogance) is sexy. Comments like "I feel like a fatty today. I feel like a fat lard. Not feeling sexy." This drives a guy crazy. It is annoying and a turn off when you are first dating. Save it for when you get into a relationship and even then, only when you need some support. So after what seemed like hours of complaining, Chantal finally said "I'm going to act like I am confident and maybe I'll feel the part". Good move, and if you still don't feel the part, go to plan B and take your top off. I truly believe Chantal did this because of her lack of self-confidence. She would have taken her top off regardless, but unknowingly, she made a good strategic move. You have to show off your best assets in that situation.

Emily - She is sooooo...hot. I love the wet hair look. Maybe I can't say that Emily is a good mom yet, but I think she is and I certainly appreciate the difference between Emily and Michelle. Emily has been on 5-6 dates with Brad and she is still on the fence about whether she wants Brad to meet her daughter. Michelle wanted Brad to meet her daughter after date #1. With all this being said, I feel like Brad thinks Emily is in his top two and I don't get it. There just isn't any substance with Emily.

Shawntel - Instead of canceling the cocktail hour, why doesn't Brad just cancel the rest of the show and propose to Shawntel? Oh yea, because he will be able to sleep with two other girls in the honeymoon suite prior to making an official commitment! You have to love this show. You could tell when Shawntel received the date card that she was suppressing her excitement because she felt bad for Britt. What a great quality. Also...she is so much fun! Seeing your significant other engaging with other people and having fun is really attractive. There was only one thing that looked out of place for Shawntel (and the Woman's Perspective had to point it out to me). What's up with the huge butterfly tattoo on her lower back?

A few words for our parting Bachelorettes

Britt - A Man's Perspective's thoughts after watching Emily and Shawntel's date…Britt has no chance. Also, she is sooooo…skinny. And she has really really long hair and not in a good way. Something about Britt that just doesn't do anything for me. Obviously, Brad felt the same way.

Michelle - I know what Michelle was thinking during the photo shoot. "Ashley showed off her butt, Chantal showed off her boobs. I need to do something special. I got an idea. I'll use my move! I'll kiss Brad!". Michelle was fun to have around, but it was time for this novelty to head home. I liked the exit interview because she didn't make a fool of herself and it was different. There have been girls that have given the silent treatment to the Bachelor, but never the silent treatment to the camera as well. Michelle was stubborn and proud. In my opinion, she didn't have a lot of self confidence and she had her guard up the entire season. I look forward to her appearance on the reunion special...and as the next Bachelorette.

Polyga - (not for) - my

Before I go any further, I have to say that this show is awesome. I watch and feel so focused, like Jon Gruden watching football game film. My roommates could start going at it on the dining room table, and I probably wouldn’t even notice. In fact, they’re oiling each other up right now. (OK, I noticed.)

I really like the Brad, in a brotherly way. His willingness to attack whatever elephant is in the room / helicopter / private island / yacht is something I have a lot of respect for. I recall him being a bit shallow the first time around, which is not a knock on his character, but rather on his emotional intelligence or intimacy ceiling. He spoke in clichés and avoided potentially difficult topics. This time, he’s mature and probing. Good job, dude. Keep it up.

I think many of us in early dating phases (or maybe for much longer) avoid issues that will result in conflict. The people I’m closest to are capable of, and desire to, explore those issues. I’d hope that’s true for my girl someday too. If your heart is in the right place and there is a desire to find a solution, it will happen. This also requires confidence in knowing yourself and trusting that great will find you. It might mean letting go of pretty good … which is easier said than done.

Totally sick of the Brad getting the credit from the ladies (and taking it) for planning these dates. A lot of guys feel good about themselves when they recommend a restaurant with less than 500 similarly named (chained) domestic locations, so stop setting that bar up in the stratosphere.

We got a guest appearance from the Anguillan Bob Dylan, Bankie Banx! That’s pretty random. When the Bachelor takes a romantic getaway to our country, I would gladly play the role of lazy-river-tube-floatin’-Minnesotan entertaining those not on the date. Just saying.

Britt handled herself well, but it just wasn’t meant to be. I wonder when girls are told on this show that the romantic chemistry wasn’t there if they just go off the side of the wild wagon. I don’t see Britt one-hour-at-a-time motel hopping, but I sometimes wonder. Maybe her next boyfriend will thank the Brad for it. ;)

I can’t digest how much Ashley chews her words. Sorry, it’s a deal breaker.

A relationship built on fear may work for dictators and concubines, but it didn’t work for Michelle and the Brad. I think he canceled the cocktail party because he was scared that she would be able to manipulate her way back in.

The subject of this post relates to that painful group date. Keeping one girl happy is difficult enough. Chantal is a basket case, Michele is psycho, and Ashley was unintentionally hilarious when she was freaking out about being let go, not letting Brad get a word in.

Emily and Shawntel are the top two contenders. Both great girls – I like them both – they’re also very different. Shawntel, as was foreshadowed earlier, is an action star. She is a great companion on any date. She’s lady-like yet sporty, relaxed yet focused, and serious yet fun. My concern is whether she’s anywhere near old-married-couple mode. How would this relationship translate to 9-5 weeks, laundry, bill-paying, and grocery shopping routines? Would Shawntel quickly tire of it? Not that all people want that right away, some can just enjoy “experiencing life” together for a while.

Emily, on the other hand, exudes “wife” and “mother” qualities. It’s almost like she belongs in the 1950’s as a Playboy’d up June Cleaver. She comes across as the ultimate domestic partner. She’d look great on your arm at corporate events, would dutifully take the kids to tennis practice and put them to bed, and then come back downstairs and be an am-I-really-this-lucky cuddle partner.

Two options filled with causes for concern and reasons for hope; I’m looking forward to seeing how it plays out!

A Man's Perspective - Week 6 CORRECTION

I guess I'm going to take rappelling down a waterfall off of my bucket list...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/41580903/ns/us_news-life/

Prosapia for the Pickelsimers

Costa Rica: where it always rains and the bugs are the size of Post – its!

We had a slip of the L word in the last episode, but Chantal ushered it in on purpose this time around. It never ceases to amuse me on this show when a bachelorette gushes out her feelings and it is returned with A) silence B) a smile C) a “thanks” or D) a combination of the three and then a kiss to dull the awkwardness.

In my observational experience, boys and girls treat the L word much differently, and they also selectively remember their past relationships very differently from the other, yet similarly to their gender brothers or sisters. Girls want to be in love, talk about the times when they’ve been in it, and frequently define their relationship history by their love or love-like encounters. Girls often include the word “only” in their summary, such as “I’ve only had 3 boyfriends” or “I’ve only been with 19 men” or whatever. Enhance the emotion and downplay the physicality of the encounters. A lil booze induced makeout shenanigan is quickly forgotten in the running tally.

On the other hand, boys are counters and conquerors. Probably not to a woman they’re interested in, but to everyone else, their past is defined by the term “at least.” “I’ve made out with AT LEAST 15 chicks” or “I’ve hooked up with girls from at least 3 countries and 13 states.” The relationship “counts” if physicality was involved. Enhance the physicality and downplay the emotion. The girl you emailed with for 3 months and went on walks together to talk about your life goals and biggest fears? … doesn’t count. The booze induced makeout shenanigan with the girl who didn’t share her last name? … counts.

I’m not putting on my judgment hat. There are benefits to modesty and confidence, risks with denial and exaggeration. I’m also not saying that girls don’t care about the physical stuff or boys don’t care about the emotional stuff. Both of those are very much there.

Did that make any sense? (Don’t answer that.)

OK, back to the show. Alli threw her drink at the bug. That is alcohol abuse, and I will not stand for it.

The word is “rappel.” It is not “repel.” Everyone pronounced it wrong.

Michelle uses the punching and the manipulation and the domination and the control to mask her insecurity about the true depth and existence of her connection with the Brad.

Chantal in the white men’s dress shirt – youuuuu can put it on the booooard … yes!

Shawntel brought out the Silent Game. Sweet! Take notes, ladies. ;)

I’m sad to see Jackie go. She impressed me more with each passing episode. She didn’t start off as a show-er, but she’s a grower. She’s a classy girl who will one day find a very nice man.

I looked up “Prosapia,” which is the word on Brad’s back tat. It’s Latin for family. During this extensive (5 second google) research, I found out that Brad’s last name from age 4 through college was “Pickelsimer,” his step-dad’s name. That’s kinda awesome, but would de-Situation-ify his abs a little bit in the eyes of many a lady.

My hopes for Brad’s rankings of the remaining ladies:

6) Michelle – Duh.

5) Ashley – Demonstrative words – ew.

4) Britt – I have pumped up her candidacy as much as I could, but I can’t push her higher than this. Congratulations, you are this year’s Ron Paul.

… and now we get to the real contenders:

3) Chantal – Keeping alive the possibility that the Brad’s proposal will not be completed until it reaches a last initial.

2) Shawntel – chemistry and compatibility and adventure and depth. Makes too much sense.

1) Emily – The young Brad picked no one. The medium aged Brad picks Emily; she doesn’t know if she really wants it and soon after breaks up with him (that’s my prediction at this point, with no actual knowledge). The old Brad will come back to complete the trilogy in 2016.

A Man's Perspective - Week 6

A few random thoughts from week 6's "no doubt who is going home, so we are going to try to add drama for future episodes and show really cool scenery" episode.

- I just put repelling down a waterfall in Costa Rica on my bucket list. Unfortunately, I have a deal with my high school girlfriend that I can only repel with her…
- If Chantal wins, I predict the first thing she does is repel with Brad and send Michelle a copy of her doing it. Speaking of…
- Catfight! Meow!! Here is how the typical Bachelor catfight plays out. Crazy girl is jealous, tries but is unsuccessful in engaging frontrunner and is eliminated by Bachelor after 2-3 episodes of mildly entertaining drama. This is an interesting catfight though, as we have Crazy girl (obviously played by Michelle) successfully engaging possible frontrunner Chantal (more on that later). On second though, I'm not even sure who is engaging who. But the biggest question is, why is Michelle so threatened by Chantal and vice versa? I'd be more concerned with Emily and Shawntel at this point...
- Frontrunners - Emily and Shawntel; Potential - Chantal and Ashley; Dark Horse - Brit; Ratings Novelty - Michelle
- Is it possible for the cave to be 40 million years old? Wikipedia to the rescue! A: The age of the Earth is 4.54 billion years. This age is based on evidence from radiometric age dating of meteorite material and is consistent with the ages of the oldest-known terrestrial and lunar samples. What did people do before "the internet"?

Quote of the Week - Week 6

Michelle: "If he can't make a decision, I'll be forced to take matters into my own hands."

Is anyone surprised that Michelle again wins the quote of the week? When she said it, I know what everyone was thinking...Will she murder everyone? Will she steal all the roses but one? No. Instead, she sneaks into Brad's room and annoys him to death for 30 minutes.

Advice for the Bachelorettes

Britt - You have a pretty face, good personality and you looked good in your cocktail dress and matching earrings, but I just can't get over your skinny arms.

Michelle - Get another move besides the awkward kiss! On a positive note, when you were crying during the cocktail hour, it seemed like your first real moment of the season.

Shawntel - Can Brad continue to say that he has fun with you? Yes and this makes you a frontrunner. You are playful with an engaging laugh. This might seem like an unimportant quality, but I believe if you polled married men for the top 10 reasons why they chose their wife, this would be on the top 10 list.

Emily - I'm going to connect with my inner Adam Sandler and say, "Soooooo…hot. Want to touch the heiney". I love the princess lea look. I still don't think Emily is going to win. She just isn't charismatic enough. It is hard to get any emotions out of her which makes for a boring life, but there is no denying she is beautiful. Lesson to be learned: If you make a stupid statement that could potentially scare a guy, step away and talk about it another day. When you bring it back up, don't make it into more drama and don't make it a serious discussion. Just joke about it and say "that was such a stupid thing to say", then explain yourself succinctly and move on from the topic.

Chantal or should we call you "Rain(Wo)man" - What lessons did we learn from Chantal this week? 1) What not to do...If a guy is trying to talk, let him. Stop cutting him off. (2) What you should do...Make the most of the unexpected. That is real life. Things don't always go your way, but if you can have fun in those unexpected less ideal times, that is attractive (3) What you shouldn't do...Leopard print = okay for hidden clothing. Not good on the outside. (4) Being the first one to throw out the Love card...results TBD, although I like her strategy in telling him now after she already has a rose.

A few words for our parting Bachelorettes

Jackie - I'm confused. I've been watching the Bachelor for six weeks now and I don't remember you. Were you on the previous episodes? Oh yea. You were the girl that looks good one minute and then another minute looks like Buckwild from the Flavor Flav show. Your exit interview was okay, but did you really say that you loved Brad? That was weird.

Alli: I think it is safe to say that you are afraid of bugs. This dinner conversation was as hard to watch as the Jon Favreau telephone message scene in Swingers. Lesson to be learned - If a guy asks you about your prior relationship, stop and ask yourself the question, Is this date going well and is it at the potential relationship stage? If you can answer yes, then feel free to speak freely and honestly. If the answer is, no we are just making small talk, then avoid conversations about your prior relationships! Nothing good can come from that conversation. Congratulations to Alli for holding it together pretty well during her exit. She was embarrassed and crying a little bit, but she made the nice comment about wanting the best for Brad. She made a nice comment about Brad setting a high standard for future relationships. This should help her future relationships and I think she did a decent job of making up for her attack on Emily last week.

Pool Update - There are 6 Bachelorettes left and there are still 7 participants left with their top three rated girls. Based on the pool votes, next to get booted are...

Brit (1 second place vote)
Chantal (3 first place votes)
Michelle (4 second place votes and 2 third place votes)
Ashley H (1 first place vote, 2 second place votes, 3 third place votes)
Shawntel (1 first place vote, 2 second place votes, 3 third place votes)
Leaving Emily as our winner (7 first place votes, 3 second place votes, 3 third place votes)

Rained Out

Stay tuned for more posts soon! Costa Rica is many time zones away, so I hope you understand. ;)

A Man's Perspective - Week 5

A few random thoughts from week 5 or as I like to call it, "The Ménage à trois episode".

- The 2 on 1 episode! This is always the big shakeup episode of the Bachelor pool and week 5 was no exception as 7 pool participants selected Ashley S as one of their top 3 girls. Anyone notice that this episode always happens when there are 3 to 5 girls that are obviously going home? Instead of making the episode predictable, ABC shakes things up and picks 2 girls from the top 7 to participate in the 2 on 1 episode. Brilliant!
- Warning - The week after the 2 on 1 episode is always...BORING.
- I always wonder how the girls are picked for the 2 on 1. No way Brad voluntarily picked them. Was he given a list of the top 7 by ABC and told to pick 2? If so, was Brad confused by having two girls with the same name and thought it would be easier to have only one Ashley left? I personally think the Elvis show requested two petite women and the Ashley's were the only two that fit the criteria.
- Do all of the group dates end up at the pool?
- Britt is a "Food Writer"? I thought she was a chef?
- Did someone say it is cocktail hour? Jaime time!! "Loyalty is not to any of the girls. It is to the mission. The mission to find your wife." Amen brother.

Week 5 Quote of the Week

"There are some girls where I have pretty strong feelings for and then there are girls that I'm questioning those relationships, so…I'm going to spend a week in Vegas to try to figure it out." Ahhh...okay. Relationships should not be in the same sentence as Vegas...Ever.

Advice for the Bachelorettes

Shawntel - This was a lesson for all of the women out there trying to impress a guy. Shawntel bought a lot of stuff without looking materialistic. That's very difficult to do and really cool. Not sure what Brad is looking for, but I personally really like Shawntel's style. She is elegant, yet she is wearing flip flops for the evening dinner. I like it. So, the question all of you have been asking, does A Man's Perspective approve of the dinner conversation. Yes. Too much talking about your job is a no no, but you can't not talk about your job. It tells a guy about your interests (however bizarre they are) and it is something that you are going to have to talk about at some point. The key is to not seem like your job is your life and to be light hearted about the conversation. Plus, it doesn't hurt that Shawntel is attractive and personable. The best part about Shawntel is that she has a captivating smile and she makes him laugh. At the end of the date, Brad says "I don't know, I just have fun with her." Ladies - If you can get a guy to continually say that, you will earn date #2, an exclusive relationship and eventually a ring. I think Shawntel is the front runner.

Emily - So Shawntel arrives with her 37 bags from her shopping spree and all the girls are showing off their best fake jealous smiles, except for Emily. I think she genuinely looked happy for her. Then on her date, she's traumatized but she doesn't use her emotions to try to bring Brad closer. In fact, she does everything she possibly can to avoid the drama and to hide her emotions for the late Ricky Bobby because she doesn't want to ruin the fun for everyone else. This girl is really nice. Maybe too nice. My only question for Emily - Why are you wearing rings on the fourth finger of your left hand?

Ashley H - You didn't impress me on your date. You were nervous. You lacked confidence and then Brad sent Ashley S home. Your mood entirely changed when Brad came back. There was confidence that hasn't been there the last 3 weeks. Confidence is attractive.

Chantal - You were so calm and collected the first few weeks and now you are a basket case. I don't think Chantal actually meant she loved Brad when the "L-Word" came out. Saying, I love that about you isn't a big deal. I think the worst thing Chantal did is she hesitated and then when put on the spot by Brad, tried to act like she did "love" Brad. Bad move. The Love comment shouldn't come out until the last two episodes. Enough with the love talk, let's talk about that rose ceremony dress. Was it ugly? Yes, but it showed off two of your best assets. But here is the thing, this is a dress that gets a guys attention if you are not dating him and you are trying to pick him up at the bar. Perhaps it is okay for date #2 or date #3. After that, men would rather you keep that dress in the closet.

Michelle - You don't have any chemistry with Brad. The kiss when you don't know what to say, is not a connection. Connections are made through words and feelings, not through kissing when you draw a blank. I agree with the Bach Blogger's conspiracy theory. I'm thinking that Michelle is an actress that ABC hired to boost ratings.

A few words for our parting Bachelorettes

Lisa M - I really liked you. Natural beauty, sweet girl, but there was no way you were going to be the last girl standing. The shy girl is never going to win the final rose. So why did ABC pick Lisa for the show? They typecast. There always has to be the shy girl that likes the Bachelor, is a shoulder to cry on for the drama queens and has the classic "regret" parting interview. I predict that Lisa will be engaged by the reunion episode.

Marissa - From my experience, doing anything unusual during the cocktail hour is a sure sign of desperation. When Brad said, "That is so sweet", his tone sounded like he felt guilty. "I know I have so much to give. All it takes is to find someone who is willing to accept that" Well said. Most confident departure yet.

Ashley S - This exit interview was tough to take. "What didn't he see in me? Finding love is really important to me." A word of advice that should have came from Dr. Drew, but is now coming from A Man's Perspective. When you stop trying to replace your dad and instead focus on gaining confidence in yourself, you will get what you are looking for. Your own confidence and satisfaction should never come from one person's love for you.

Vegas Baby

Sin City! Or, some might say, the city equivalent of Michelle’s soul mate.

That suite was ridiculous. I’d turn down the date card and invite Mike Tyson and Heather Graham over to become part of my wolfpack. “And we’re the three best friends that anyone could have!”

Coming soon to a Hallmark card near you: “(Shawntel) is an incredibly sexy woman. She’s sexy without even trying to be … which makes her even sexier.” Moving on … that date was great. She looked mah-velous and acted classy. She needs to learn when to stop telling boring stories about work though. As a member of the accounting / finance world, I KNOW boring work stories. There’s a better chance of turning on Michelle Bachmann reading words from the Communist Manifesto than turning on the Brad with stories of embalming leakage out of random orifices.

Race track part of the group date was kind of boring. Emily is the girl who walks into the room and makes all the guys who have been macking on you like it’s their job forget that you are even there. This is typically followed by comments such as “men are pigs.” It wasn’t stated here because everyone’s still drinking the Brad’s Koolaid.

Alli’s “just because someone comes in with the worst story means they get the most attention?” comment blew me away. That was cold. I didn’t see any “using” of the situation on Emily’s part.

Many single people have an “issue” that has pushed people away and we don’t want to risk sharing with someone we may care about. I feel like a part of that equation that doesn’t get enough attention is how people choose to take ownership of whatever that “issue” is. Embrace whatever it is and how it makes you who you are and makes you better in the future. Pasts have consequences, but they don’t own anybody. No matter what it is, if you believe in hope and forgiveness and compassion, the right person for you will be willing to work through that “issue” with you.

I felt bad for the Ashleys. The first impression rose curse strikes again! It’s almost as bad as the Sports Illustrated cover jinx (Aaron Rodgers this week; sorry Packers fans). The post – breakup walk of shame make-out between the Brad and the chosen Ashley seemed out of place. There’s a 5 second rule with food falling on the ground, there’s a 5 minute rule in leaving a college class if the prof doesn’t show up, and there’s at least a thirty minute rule between an emotional break up and your next make-out. This was followed by an uncomfortable zoom-in on GI Brad’s man parts. Gross.

Dr. Jamie was worth his fee this time. I’ll give him props after my constructive criticism from last week. I liked the strength through vulnerability statement. However, “you’re going to get to the DEEPEST place you’ve ever gotten to with a few of these women” seemed a little presumptuous and personal. Whoa there, doc.

Michelle went all dominatrix on us tonight with the door slam / keep mouth shut stuff. A conspiracy theorist may claim her to be a producer’s pick, with the Brad off-camera laughing his butt off that he’s gotta pretend she’s a real contender. Who knows, but I can’t deny that she’s incredibly entertaining. She puts the choo-choo in train-wreck.

Marissa and Lisa were the obvious elimination choices this week. (I personally would have thrown Alli in there, too.)

Off to Costa Rica and South Africa next ... Jungle fever to ensue.

A Man's Perspective - Week 4

A few random thoughts for Week 4 or as I like to call it, "The one-on-one date curse: A bachelorette's emotional breakdown".

- I love Dr. Drew. Do you think he is more annoyed by addicts on Celebrity Rehab or the Bachelorettes (or the Bachelor)? Loveline was a great idea though. Good way for Brad to witness some tough questions answered by the ladies.
- I feel like this is a perverted version of Where's Waldo. Look what I see! Blurred nipples (Michelle) and bikini camel toe (Jackie)
- Why don't the girls like the Edamame? Did you see the size of that bowl by the pool? I guess food and girls in bikinis trying to impress a guy don't mix.
- Michelle's date may not have been the perfect date for a girl, but it sure was an awesome date for a guy. If things don't work out with the girls, I would be happy to join Brad in a helicopter ride to the top of a skyscraper followed by repelling down the side of a building. Although then Michelle would have to kill me.
- Jaime the therapist is back!!! I wish I had a therapist like Jaime. If you want to kiss, go for it. You need to explore all of these women romantically! Great advice.
- When is it a good time to introduce a new guy to your kid? I'm not sure what the answer is, but I'm guessing it is somewhere in the range of "many more dates than 1".

Quote of the Week

Brad to Chantal - "Will you quit talking and just kiss me?"

A Man's Perspective specializes in advice for women about what men want, but I'm going to give some advice to my male readers..."Do not try this at home". The line worked for Brad, but for some reason when I have used the same exact line, I've received a very different result.

Advice for the Bachelorettes

First, some advice for the girls on the one-on-one dates

-Chantal: When you are on a date, men will sometimes put you in an awkward situation by asking you to do something that makes you scared or nervous. How you react is very important. Not trying is a complete turn off and not an option. So what do you do? Now there is a fine line between not being yourself (and not showing you are scared) and being a drama queen. I suggest telling the guy you are scared and letting him play the role of the prince rescuing the damzel in distress. I'll give you a B+ for your date with Brad. You were nervous and perhaps cried a little too much for my taste, but you were still willing to try and turned the situation into a positive one.

Positives: I thought your chemistry was pretty good with Brad. You are very playful which is attractive and puts Brad at ease. Advice for all women: Actually being real and joking around makes men want to be around you more. Being serious and romantic for 100% of your time together is BORING. Brad said that he liked how you put him in check. This is a balancing act that you will have to continue to play. A woman that agrees with everything you say is a robot. A woman that constantly tells you what to do is bossy and a nag. Hope you are paying attention Michelle.

Negatives: Crying. Fighting with Michelle. Jealous about Emily's gift basket. As someone who picked you as his #1, I have some advice from William Wallace. HOLD, HOLD, HOLD...it together! If you are crying, don't go talk to Brad. Especially if you have had enough red wine to taint your teeth. When you confronted Brad, this was a potential disaster. Luckily you have the unique skill of turning a bad situation into a good one with laughter.

Michelle: Another situation where Brad puts a Bachelorette in a scary situation. Again, the crying was annoying, but you surprised me and decided to repel. Just like Chantal, you did a good job of walking that fine line of facing your fears and being a good sport. I'll give you a B+.

What are we going to do when Michelle is kicked off of the show? She borders on being entertaining and extremely annoying. So annoying that I sometimes want to stop watching the show. Then she pulls a great line and a funny comment and I wonder if we could make it without her.

Positives: You asked some good questions of Brad. Making a guy think and putting him on the spot is attractive and makes the date interesting. There is an obvious physical connection between you and Brad.

Negatives: Your pouting is very very annoying and your arrogance is making me question whether you are hot or not. You are obviously attractive, but I probably dropped you a point on my 1 to 10 scale. How long before Brad finds out you are crazy?

Week 4 All-Stars

Britt: Great speech on Love Line! You spoke very well under pressure. You were speaking directly to Brad, rather than speaking to Dr. Drew, the rest of the girls or into the microphone. This made your comments seem genuine. Your personality is making you more attractive. You still have skinny arms, but you looked good this week.

Marissa: Long hair again for cocktail hour!! You looked great and that kept you around again...for one more week.

Shawntel: You were confident at the mixer despite not getting a date and not ever having any one-on-one time with Brad. Your confidence is extremely attractive and it doesn't come off as arrogant. Great idea with the 1-2-3 jump move. I believe in pick-up artist lingo, that is called Kino Escalation. It worked magically and resulted in a kiss.

Brad: Recreating the picnic for Emily was very smooth. The other girls went crazy because this was the most romantic thing that you have done. You even had me thinking that you came up with this idea on your own. I believe the Bach Blogger mentioned this as well, but I'm moving Emily down a notch this week. With her perfect hair, southern accent and perfect personality, she almost seems fake to me. Is she beautiful? Absolutely, but I don't know if there is any substance to her that would keep her around if I was handing out roses.

Week 4 Flops

Ashley H: This was a disaster episode for you. You look very different without makeup and not in a good way. Lesson to be learned from Episode 4 - If you are drunk, jealous and you feel your emotions are running high, run away. Don't run to the bachelor, don't make comments when the bachelor is talking to the group. Just sit quietly and try to smile. You will do better for yourself if you just don't spend any time with a guy in this mental state. I think my comments from Week 2 are proving correct. The momentum mistake is killing Ashley H. She is going crazy because she is not able to relive the emotions that she had from date #1 and she is misinterpreting it as Brad not being interested in her. On the other hand, Brad is still interested, but only because he is holding on to that one good night.

I have to give it up for Ashley for her honesty. "If I go home tomorrow, It's 100% my fault".

Ashley S: You are very cute and petite, so it was funny to hear you say, "I wish I was the one that gave Michelle her black eye. Because I want to rip her head off". Then it was confusing seeing you talking to Michelle one-on-one and you hearing her out and consoling her.

And a word for our parting Bachelorettes

Stacey: You fell for the oldest trick in the reality book. If a non-Bachelor (former contestant, celebrity interviewer or Dr. Drew) asks you a potentially harmful question in front of Brad, LIE! You admitted to cheating on a boyfriend in college. Brad told you that he appreciated your honesty...but then he elminated you.

Lindsay: "It is disappointing. Rejection is always hard." Great comments, but then you said something weird. "My dad is going to be so proud of me for being the daughter that he and my mom raised me to be". What does this mean? That she really wanted to get aggressive with Brad? Did she really want to get drunk? Does she normally swear like a sailor? This made me believe that Lindsay wasn't being herself and if you are not prepared for your family seeing you on national television, then you shouldn't sign up for the Bachelor.

Meghan: I loved your exit. I'll always remember you as the girl who ran out of the mansion in an old man trot. For those not familiar with the old man trot, it is that same move that your dad shows off when he is running to the car. He is trying to show he is hustling, but is fearful of pulling a hamstring. A classic!

Black-eyed P(ur)s(uer)

I feel like we're heading down the path to some ticking time bombs here. I didn't touch on our shrink friend Jamie last time around, but I have to devote a double dose this time. He did not give good advice. Maybe he wants to encourage repeat business, I don't know. He said to "explore every connection fully." Is that good advice to give men? I would be Travis Henry if I heeded that advice. Trusting your hormones is like giving your car keys to this guy. Our psychologist is pretty much saying to be a monkey.

I would also like to acknowledge that the other end of the spectrum, being overly cautious, is not a way to live your life. Awareness of where you are, and an ability to check yourself before you wreck yourself in that regard, is the key. I have been very impressed with the Brad's verbal (not oral) communication skills this season. He is not the guy I remember from last time around with his bumbling cliches and stammers. That is showing the best sides of him (with the ladies smirking, "there are no worst sides"). What I don't like is the over-assurances. He is building up numerous women to an emotional stage that is not fair to them in the long-term. Enjoy the journey. Trust the process. Save some words to enhance their meaning later on. I'm not trying to get on a high horse and tell the Brad to stop kissing girls. That's the show and that's part of dating yada yada yada. In the short and intermediate terms, the words the Brad utilizes will up the ante on these relationships. In the longer term, I think they would appreciate him using a little restraint in his half-empty promises and words of affection.

On to the dates! Chantal and Michelle overcome fears of water (were they like 10 feet deep?) and scaling a building (I'm not gonna make fun of that one). I liked and agreed with Chantal when she mentioned how different she was and how much better she knew herself now than she did ten years ago. I don't think anyone would wish a "starter marriage" on themselves, but I can understand how it can happen. What I didn't like about Chantal was her pointless confrontation with Michelle. I like someone standing up strongly for a belief or a harmed party, but that was neither; it came across as bullying.

Lindsay wore a jean jacket to the hot tub party. Dad's proud, but I'm confused. Stacey's cheating revelation for some reason didn't surprise me (or likely anyone), and led to her early exit. Meghan never entered "threat" territory, so I was not surprised by that departure.

Ashley H shoots an afternoon special for alcohol + 90 pounder + hot tub = disaster. I was proud of Britt again. She's smoove. The whole shy aggression (is that possible?) is working.

Michelle is a mess. She's got stalker potential. I'd be scared to break up with her, which is a solid start to any relationship.

Emily feels like the house mother. I like her, but does she ever let loose? I feel like she'd be embarrassed if she tooted while home by herself. She doesn't look that short to me, but then you see those crazy high shoes. In sneakers, would she reach his belt even?

That's all for this week. Let's go to Vegas!

A Man's Perspective - Week 3

Before I get to my advice for the ladies, I wanted to share what was going on in my head as I watched Week 3 (otherwise known as the "I need a daddy, whoops I mean husband" episode).

A Few Random Thoughts
-I've never been to wine country, but if I ever go, I'm excited to be able to drive on the left side of the road with a steering wheel on the right side. I thought for sure that this was a scene from a final episode near Costa Rica. I thought it was a sign that Emily would be in the top 4.
-Seal had another song besides "A Kiss from a Rose"?
-How did Seal get get Heidi Klum? The guy has a gap in his teeth and a messed up face. Am I upset? No. Impressed. This is yet another example of a man's ability to outkick his coverage. This phenomenon happens regularly! Attractive women are always willing to ignore the outward appearance factor and focus on a man's inner beauty. Unfortunately the same cannot be said for me. For the average looking woman, you will never have the chance to marry George Clooney, Brad Pitt or Derek Jeter. On the other hand, I honestly believe an average looking man could marry Carrie Underwood, Angelina Jolie or Marissa Miller.
-Is there an attractive bachelorette that hasn't been divorced, pregnant or had a recent death in their family? Which brings me to my next question...
-Where do they find these people? I've personally witnessed a real world casting opportunity, but never have I witnessed any other reality television show casting. Most of the women are models or actresses that are trying to get some TV time right?
-What is with all of the neon green outfits that the girls were wearing on the group date? I want film of the three hour catfight prior to this scene when the girls were fighting over who was able to get the red, purple, black and blue outfits.
-"Jaime Greene is my therapist" I can't believe Mr. Bach Blogger didn't mention this scene at all. This was groundbreaking Bachelor history. My first thought was "This is new". But it was quickly followed up by "This is weird". Although it did create...drumroll please...

The runner-up quote of the week.

Jaime: Your focus is how do you create the connection. Tune into it.
Brad: I'll heed the advice, tonight is a cocktail party

I loved the way Brad said that last line. Almost like, of course I'll establish a "connection", alcohol is involved.

The quote of the week.

Michelle: "I wish these ninjas would just kidnap these other girls, haul them off and take them into the desert"

I suspect that these comments were followed by advice for how the ninjas were going to use their swords to make sure the girls never came back, but death threats are frowned upon on The Bachelor.

Advice for the Bachelorettes

Ashley First Impression S - First of all, let me tell you that you look really good in the pick that The Bach Blogger posted. But there was one of your comments during week 3 that really made me question your intelligence. "It means so much to me that Brad picked A Kiss from the Rose". Wise up Ashley. Brad didn't pick that song. Seal was the only singer they could book on such short notice. You had decent chemistry with Brad, but I disagree with the Bach Blogger. This looked too much like a friend date to me. I didn't see the chemistry. Also, I couldn't imagine losing my parents and I wonder if it would be possible to not bring it up constantly, but I think you would have been better off not bringing up your father's death on the first date. Did it matter to Brad? I think it did. Brad gave you the rose and then gave you a hug, but he did not give you the passionate kiss that you wanted. This looks like it is heading into the friend zone.

Emily - You answered my week 2 question. Thank you! You were 18 when you were pregnant. This was an important Bachelor moment as it (a) revealed that Emily was 18 when she had her daughter, (b) revealed that Madison was on the show to promote her career but has a heart and couldn't go through with the act any further and (c) that Emily is unaware of her beauty. At the end of the scene she says, "I'm nervous about telling Brad, but I still want to look cute for my date". I don't think that will be a problem. Emily is very very atractive. I still want to see her without makeup, but she was less put together in this scene and I was still impressed.

Alli - I've never understood the whole one strap dress trend. To me it just looks strange. Yes you are showing more skin, but can't you accomplish this with thin straps or a strapless dress? I'll excuse this one, but what I can't excuse is that big ribbon? Maybe I don't appreciate the ribbon because I don't understand fashion, but neither does the average man. This is not attractive. The only thing this tells me is that if you and I started dating, you are going to embarrass me in public in the future. Then, you showed your lack of confidence with the outfit by making a joke about you wrapping yourself up as a present. The result? Brad gave you a nice hug. You were on the fence to begin with, but you just signed your death sentence. I'll give you two more weeks tops. Bye bye.

Jackie - Don't think you are off the hook. I noticed your ugly red flower shoulder strap.

Chantal - Divorced? Your dad died? Where did this come from? You started crying which is a big no-no this early in your "relationship" with Brad, but I think you recovered well. You put a smile on your face and joked around immediately afterwards. This lightened the mood and put Brad at ease. Well played. Your best move though? Going in for the kiss. Advice for other women: If you slip up and get into a deeper conversation than you had intended on a first date, you need to do two things. #1) Lighten the mood and #2) make sure you stay out of the friend zone. Did it work for Brad? Absolutely. At the cocktail hour, Brad told Chantal that he felt like he let her down. She was clearly on Brad's mind. Another interesting subplot, Chantal vs Michelle.

Marissa - Great work! Simple dress. Check. Hair back. Check. You looked great.

Shawntel - Best date award for the week. You looked good (yellow is your color by the way) and you looked like a bad ass in the movie scenes. The momentum is definitely going great. Not too fast, not too slow. You stayed out of the friend zone with your kiss and you are a fun girl. The future is bright.

Michelle - "I'm not going to lie. I hate them", "I don't want to share him with anyone!!". You are an emotional basketcase! But the most interesting quote you had was this. "When I kiss it is going to be a Sensual, Sexy, Slippery kiss" This was weird. I'm not sure what to make of this comment. Should I be turned on? What is a slippery kiss?


Parting Words for the Departed Bachelorettes

Madison - Your fangs were cool. You turned out to be a nice girl, but I don't understand how you could be a model. Cute? Yes. Model? No. Perhaps a vampire or S&M model? If anyone knows, please share.

Kimberly - Your parting words were perfect..."I have no regrets. I wouldn't have done a thing differently. There just wasn't that connection."...but then you kept talking and ruined your legacy..."I think that he was intimidated by me. I'm talented, smart, successful. Some men find me attractive. The list could go on. I could turn around tomorrow and start dating someone. F Brad". YIKES!!

Sarah P - Did you really think you had a connection with Brad? Rejection sucks and I can understand if you are embarrased, but being heartbroken over the 5 minute alone time you had with Brad on your group date is pathetic.

Hopefully next week's episode will be more exciting. I expect at least two more weeks of obvious eliminations until we start dropping contenders.