Tell All Bawl and Brawl

It was time for frenemy reunion week in Bachelorland. I always have high hopes that contestants will watch themselves on the season and come on this episode with some perspective, humility, and class. That pretty much never happens. The human mind’s ability to rationalize and justify ridiculous behavior is alive and well. (Is this counter-evolutionism?) For our entertainment purposes, I say hallelujah.

So many train-wrecks … where to begin. Jackie?! This one surprised me; I liked her before. Now, what a B! “I’m so used to meeting these twenty somethings, … it was refreshing to meet this real man.” Excuse me, you’re 28. People who constantly whine about how immature the people their same age are … are just as, if not more, immature. The “spider” comment towards Michelle, followed by the “f’d up” Melissa Leo moment and the piling on after Michele hit the canvas (crying with head in hands) reflected poorly on her character. Go take your nasally ‘tude, ball it up, and stuff it in your mouth. Please.

The Melissa-Raichel mess is just as much of a disaster as it was before. I’d like to pick Melissa in this feud, but that’s like picking Stalin over Hitler in the humanitarian-of-the-year award. Raichel, look me in the eyes and listen: Melissa did NOT ruin your chances; you were never close.

Why does everyone blame themselves for it not working out with the Brad?! I should have said this, I should have put myself out there more, I shouldn’t have said that, I … blah blah blah. 99.99% of the time, what’s supposed to happen in relationships, eventually happens. What you do or don’t say/do can prolong or speed up the inevitable, but every relationship that ends doesn’t mean you or the other person failed. If you cheated, lied, abused, etc., OK, yeah, then you failed. Yes, please evaluate and analyze and assess how to be more true to yourself and who you want to be in a relationship and what qualities you need in the other person. However, please don’t beat yourself up for results that are the healthiest conclusion. Live your life believing in free will and that your choices impact outcomes, and also find the inner-harmony that comes with predestination (when it’s wrong, you can’t do anything to make it work; when it’s right, you’re not going to be able to screw it up). Those may seem like mutually exclusive positions, but I think it might be a recipe for success.

Sarah and Stacey couldn’t class up a strip joint. I actually thought Michelle handled herself rather well taking on the onslaught. I like her more than before.

Lisa stuck up for Michelle in a genuine and honest-sounding way, and she really impressed me with her Walter Payton (sweetness). Madison, Britt, Ashley Seal, and Ashley Dentist all made good impressions. I go back and forth on whether I like Ashley’s new ‘do or not, but she seems to have a good head on her shoulders.

All people, including the Brad, need to choose words sooooo carefully when they break up with someone. The whole “not a great wife for me” line was probably uttered with good intentions but came across poorly.

The Brad’s got that (crap) eating grin on his face that all is right with the world. (Sidenote: I have no idea how that grin phrase came into being; it makes absolutely no sense.) He can bench press his car, jump over his house, run a marathon before work in the morning, over lunch, and again before dinner with all the love – infused adrenaline in his body.

I’m looking forward to seeing his dream come true next week. I know all you saps are too.