Vegas Baby

Sin City! Or, some might say, the city equivalent of Michelle’s soul mate.

That suite was ridiculous. I’d turn down the date card and invite Mike Tyson and Heather Graham over to become part of my wolfpack. “And we’re the three best friends that anyone could have!”

Coming soon to a Hallmark card near you: “(Shawntel) is an incredibly sexy woman. She’s sexy without even trying to be … which makes her even sexier.” Moving on … that date was great. She looked mah-velous and acted classy. She needs to learn when to stop telling boring stories about work though. As a member of the accounting / finance world, I KNOW boring work stories. There’s a better chance of turning on Michelle Bachmann reading words from the Communist Manifesto than turning on the Brad with stories of embalming leakage out of random orifices.

Race track part of the group date was kind of boring. Emily is the girl who walks into the room and makes all the guys who have been macking on you like it’s their job forget that you are even there. This is typically followed by comments such as “men are pigs.” It wasn’t stated here because everyone’s still drinking the Brad’s Koolaid.

Alli’s “just because someone comes in with the worst story means they get the most attention?” comment blew me away. That was cold. I didn’t see any “using” of the situation on Emily’s part.

Many single people have an “issue” that has pushed people away and we don’t want to risk sharing with someone we may care about. I feel like a part of that equation that doesn’t get enough attention is how people choose to take ownership of whatever that “issue” is. Embrace whatever it is and how it makes you who you are and makes you better in the future. Pasts have consequences, but they don’t own anybody. No matter what it is, if you believe in hope and forgiveness and compassion, the right person for you will be willing to work through that “issue” with you.

I felt bad for the Ashleys. The first impression rose curse strikes again! It’s almost as bad as the Sports Illustrated cover jinx (Aaron Rodgers this week; sorry Packers fans). The post – breakup walk of shame make-out between the Brad and the chosen Ashley seemed out of place. There’s a 5 second rule with food falling on the ground, there’s a 5 minute rule in leaving a college class if the prof doesn’t show up, and there’s at least a thirty minute rule between an emotional break up and your next make-out. This was followed by an uncomfortable zoom-in on GI Brad’s man parts. Gross.

Dr. Jamie was worth his fee this time. I’ll give him props after my constructive criticism from last week. I liked the strength through vulnerability statement. However, “you’re going to get to the DEEPEST place you’ve ever gotten to with a few of these women” seemed a little presumptuous and personal. Whoa there, doc.

Michelle went all dominatrix on us tonight with the door slam / keep mouth shut stuff. A conspiracy theorist may claim her to be a producer’s pick, with the Brad off-camera laughing his butt off that he’s gotta pretend she’s a real contender. Who knows, but I can’t deny that she’s incredibly entertaining. She puts the choo-choo in train-wreck.

Marissa and Lisa were the obvious elimination choices this week. (I personally would have thrown Alli in there, too.)

Off to Costa Rica and South Africa next ... Jungle fever to ensue.