This episode was a Curious Case of Benjamin Bachelor. He started out strong and finished like a hormone-infused adolescent picking the shallow and worldly hot Taylor Swift character over the I’m-your-best-friend-and-care-for-the-real-you-Taylor in the coke bottle glasses.
The Bloggerette and I opened a bottle of the finest Cab Sauv the year of 2010 had to offer (in the $9 price range) in honor of Mr. Winemaker. I was told that chugging half the glass on the first sip is not advised. I thought the point of it was to get it down without really having to taste it. Lesson learned.
First, the episode’s good stuff: Ben chooses Kacie B for the initial date touring Sonoma. They go on a date, buy a baton, and then stuff gets weird. If I had a nickel for every date I’ve been on that has started that same way, I’d have … well, no money, but batons are still cool. I always say it’s very important to see how a girl would react to your future wedding video ON DATE 1. Glad they were able to check that off the list. On a serious note, I found it to be a very touching moment when Ben heard his dad’s voice on the video for the first time in like 5 years. This was one of the many moments in life when I tell myself to record more video and take more pictures. I need personal paparazzi.
Kacie pulls out preposterous statement of the day #1 when she says, “I am the hopeless romantic type … that’s just the way I was raised.” Really. That’s the way you were raised? I’d like to see what that looks like. Required Danielle Steele readings? Check. Hallmark and/or Lifetime Movie Network internship? Check. Learning how to run through airports? Check. Practicing borderline stalkerish behavior towards someone who repeatedly tells you NO? Check. Learning to frill-ify and dramatize everyday phrases and interactions? Check. That’d be some good old-fashioned child-rearing. Take notes, parents out there.
All in all, it was a classy, real-ish date (besides the wedding video). Good job, mature Ben. Your twin brother Rafa Nadal would be proud.
On to group date time, or in other words, prosecution exhibit A on why polygamy doesn’t work. The kid playwrights did an awesome job. It’s too bad our creativity gets sucked out of us as we all age and do grown-up things. I busted a gut when they asked Blakeley to run in slow-motion. I don’t know what else to say about the production of Prince Pinot of Bachelorville; it was a complete success. Two thumbs up! Support your community theater.
As Ben starts to immature right in front of our very eyes, he comes out with this whopper of a statement to Blakeley: “You seem super grounded.” Huh? Grounded? Were all of the other words in the English language already taken? The only way she’s grounded is in the white / can’t jump category (I feel your pain there). Or maybe you get upgraded to “VIP” cocktail waitress after you pass all of your “grounded” tests, I’m not sure. First word that comes to mind when I see the hoochy dressed girl whom all of the other bachelorettes can’t stand running slow-motion Baywatch style is NOT grounded.
I personally was hoping that Jennifer was going to get the rose for the night. I have been a founding member and one of the most vocal supporters of the “Accountants need love too” movement since the day I’ve joined the profession. We’re certified to do it in public, have great assets, and know how to rationalize liabilities. When you feel like donating your time, money, and / or talents to a worthy cause, please keep this one in mind. Contact me if you want to locate a chapter near you.
On to Courtney’s date, or in puppy Scotch’s words, “Step-mother from hell bad dream.” I think Scotch understands the big picture. He knows that he himself eats garbage or worse, humps random stuff, and makes other less-than-optimal decisions. However, dogs are loyal and see true colors. He will look past his owner’s youthful indiscretion here because Ben is deep-down a good dude. Ben, on the other hand, has to watch this episode with the future Ms. Final Rose. If y’all think he’s getting a hall pass for his “fun” this episode, know that he is getting virtual slaps for picking Blakeley and Courtney.
Courtney says she never goes on dates. I think it is probably because she never would look other humanoids who fail to enter her outer beauty tier in the eye back when she was in the “real world.” Ben also has taken this opportunity to put himself into the “model world” for a night. Move-the-hair-head-flings and pull-the-bangs-over-the-ears moves are contagious, apparently. In the end, I feel bad for Courtney. She appears to be building her world around certain gifts that will leave her over time. She can continue to chase them, but they will fall further and further away.
Rose ceremony was Blakeley being clingy and a stealer and all that. I’m kind of over it and think the girls should be too. In the long run, she’s not a threat. Don’t waste your energy on it. Blakeley of course doesn’t understand why she is a target, even though she brought it on herself. Gracefully handle your “success,” especially around your competition.
Jenna was a disappointment. I thought she would be a stronger part of the show despite the episode 1 issues. It turned out that’s the way she was going to continue to be. Adding alcohol on top of nerves on top of insecurities on top of competition is a formula that doesn’t work for many. She got trapped in it and lost the humor and the joy. Best of luck in the blogosphere.
Here’s to our Bachelor becoming a less-curious case in the next episode.
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