Home Cooking

Two posts in one night?! Consider yourself either lucky or cursed, but if you consider yourself cursed, no one’s forcing you to read this.

Time to take the Brad home to meet the families, and we’ll start with Chantal. Her family is loaded monetarily. The Brad and Chantal’s dad seem more like brothers than a father-son type relationship. Chantal’s mom definitely has body parts younger than Brad. She should come with an ingredients label, touting herself as “90% natural human parts!” No idea where the foundation for body image issues would come from for Chantal, none at all. I like little brothers when it comes to meeting future bro-in-laws. Moms and dads are protective; sisters are inquisitive and want to hear a love story, and little brothers just smirk with a … “you either are or want to be boinking my sister right now” look. Those guys are the best. As for the possible future bro-in-law, there’s really nothing you can do but smirk back.

Compared to a daughter, an ambitious tooth shaver, or an embalming kit, I think the pets would be the least scary for the Brad to take in. The Brad and Chantal have a connection, and it doesn’t appear that she would have much trouble relocating. She is an emotional smorgasbord that I’d get a little tired of. I fear that Brad would define her and she would look for him to give her meaning every day. It’s easier to have a partner who complements (that’s 2 E’s) you and is a positive part of your life, but not ALL of it. That’s my current question with these two.

Next we travel to Maine for Ash(ley). That fry-gravy-cheese stuff was some greasy grub I could get used to. When they arrived at Ashley’s parents’ place, I thought the whole family was going to sit on each other’s laps for a second. A bit awkward, but then a few sat Indian-style at the feet of Prophet Brad, like he was going to give a sermon About His Mounts (not to be confused with the Sermon on the Mount, which would provide more useful guidance).

Ashley's sister was tatted up like an American Lisbeth Salander (seriously people, read the books).

There’s nothing wrong in and of itself regarding the assurance, reassurance, assurance, reassurance game they’re playing. It’s important for people to know where they stand in a relationship and also hear it so their head’s games don’t take over the sane thoughts. However, in this case, I think it’s because they’re just not right for each other. My opinion only, which is not worth a Greek drachma (don’t flood my inbox, I know they’re on the Euro).

Shawntel brought the Brad back to Chico for a death tour, which is a really great idea for a lifelong attractive bachelor man thinking about ending his field-playing days. There is no way around it; that date was awkward. Shawntel’s dad had the business on the brain, and it turned into quite the guilt trip. Shawntel’s got a little rebel in her, so I say she eventually leaves Chico.

Although there is a lot of puffery (definitely could have come up with a better word there) on this show, I do believe the Brad is a pretty honest and respectable guy. The short term pain from hearing the truth is better than any alternative. When girls say he has set the bar higher for a future man to leap over, that should mean a lot to the Brad. There are times when we all get hurt or our egos bruised at the end of a relationship, but that shouldn’t cause any of us to lose sight of the goal of either finding the right relationship for us or wishing that other person the very best in finding it with someone better suited for them when it’s all said and done. If you can’t wish someone that at the end, you probably have to assess where your selfishness and pride are at.

Last, but certainly not least, is America’s Sweetheart, Emily. How can you not like this lady? The whole “I respect you and your daughter so much that I’m not going to kiss you” – “hey, wait a second, mister, but that little girl is going to be sleeping in that bed every single night so you better get your man lips over here” interaction was adorable. If Emily and the Brad ride off into the sunset together, they will be replaying that clip to their grandchildren some day.

Hopeless romantics are rooting for this story. As I say to all my lady masseuses (massi?), let’s go for the happy ending.