Prosapia for the Pickelsimers

Costa Rica: where it always rains and the bugs are the size of Post – its!

We had a slip of the L word in the last episode, but Chantal ushered it in on purpose this time around. It never ceases to amuse me on this show when a bachelorette gushes out her feelings and it is returned with A) silence B) a smile C) a “thanks” or D) a combination of the three and then a kiss to dull the awkwardness.

In my observational experience, boys and girls treat the L word much differently, and they also selectively remember their past relationships very differently from the other, yet similarly to their gender brothers or sisters. Girls want to be in love, talk about the times when they’ve been in it, and frequently define their relationship history by their love or love-like encounters. Girls often include the word “only” in their summary, such as “I’ve only had 3 boyfriends” or “I’ve only been with 19 men” or whatever. Enhance the emotion and downplay the physicality of the encounters. A lil booze induced makeout shenanigan is quickly forgotten in the running tally.

On the other hand, boys are counters and conquerors. Probably not to a woman they’re interested in, but to everyone else, their past is defined by the term “at least.” “I’ve made out with AT LEAST 15 chicks” or “I’ve hooked up with girls from at least 3 countries and 13 states.” The relationship “counts” if physicality was involved. Enhance the physicality and downplay the emotion. The girl you emailed with for 3 months and went on walks together to talk about your life goals and biggest fears? … doesn’t count. The booze induced makeout shenanigan with the girl who didn’t share her last name? … counts.

I’m not putting on my judgment hat. There are benefits to modesty and confidence, risks with denial and exaggeration. I’m also not saying that girls don’t care about the physical stuff or boys don’t care about the emotional stuff. Both of those are very much there.

Did that make any sense? (Don’t answer that.)

OK, back to the show. Alli threw her drink at the bug. That is alcohol abuse, and I will not stand for it.

The word is “rappel.” It is not “repel.” Everyone pronounced it wrong.

Michelle uses the punching and the manipulation and the domination and the control to mask her insecurity about the true depth and existence of her connection with the Brad.

Chantal in the white men’s dress shirt – youuuuu can put it on the booooard … yes!

Shawntel brought out the Silent Game. Sweet! Take notes, ladies. ;)

I’m sad to see Jackie go. She impressed me more with each passing episode. She didn’t start off as a show-er, but she’s a grower. She’s a classy girl who will one day find a very nice man.

I looked up “Prosapia,” which is the word on Brad’s back tat. It’s Latin for family. During this extensive (5 second google) research, I found out that Brad’s last name from age 4 through college was “Pickelsimer,” his step-dad’s name. That’s kinda awesome, but would de-Situation-ify his abs a little bit in the eyes of many a lady.

My hopes for Brad’s rankings of the remaining ladies:

6) Michelle – Duh.

5) Ashley – Demonstrative words – ew.

4) Britt – I have pumped up her candidacy as much as I could, but I can’t push her higher than this. Congratulations, you are this year’s Ron Paul.

… and now we get to the real contenders:

3) Chantal – Keeping alive the possibility that the Brad’s proposal will not be completed until it reaches a last initial.

2) Shawntel – chemistry and compatibility and adventure and depth. Makes too much sense.

1) Emily – The young Brad picked no one. The medium aged Brad picks Emily; she doesn’t know if she really wants it and soon after breaks up with him (that’s my prediction at this point, with no actual knowledge). The old Brad will come back to complete the trilogy in 2016.