The Art and Sciences

Oh Rozlyn, you and your janefoolery. You established your place in Bachelor history with your own Bill Clinton moment. "What they mean by inappropriate relationship is not what inappropriate means in the real world. I did have a relationship with someone ... that didn't benefit them." So from that, are we able to conclude that it did benefit you? I'm sure woman-kind is so proud of you for advancing the cause. I'm burning my next bra in your honor.

You may soon notice that I picked her in my top 3?! Yes, yes I did. But not for virtuous reasons. I was thinking she might be one of those graduates of the School of Flirtology. You know the kind (could be a man or woman). They may or may not have intelligent conversational abilities; however, they choose not to use them. Every joke is shallow and sexual (as opposed to deep and penetrating). The thing about these flirtologists is that although you know it's kind of "fake talk," it also makes you feel good. With all the "you are my destiny" hyperbole floating around, I thought she might stick around for a while as a hot bimbo. I was kind of right, and then I became totally wrong (says Captain Obvious).

I'm a big fan of the one-on-one with the famous musician(s). Flying around, bungee jumping, helicopter rides, fast cars: I wouldn't be jealous of any of it. A personal concert, now that would do it. This was a good one, but the best in Bachelor history was Natasha Bedingfield, in my humble opinion.

Ali be McStealing my heart right now. The happiness tears, the girl noises, ahh. She even found a way to show him how much she liked him, yet it still seemed like he was chasing her. Can somebody say frontrunner?

Elizabeth - Jury's still out. I'm cool with the holding back, but is it game playing, self absorption, or some kind of true-to-yourself position?

A huge pet peeve scab of mine has been scratched in this episode. Diamond Lust. Seriously, I can't stand it. When girls even are 99% joking about "All that matters is that we love each other ... but I'd still want a ring that was AT LEAST a karat," I want to escape to a far away place. I'll take emotionally high maintenance over fashionably high maintenance 8 days a week. Unless, of course, it gets to Michelle level highest maintenance, which almost deserves another term. Guys would expect access granted to other family jewels to rank higher on the priority list / shriek scale, but maybe that's just the difference between the genders.

Finally, and this may be more of a midweek riff but I'll just go with it now, it's probably not fair to get mad at Jake for giving Rozlyn / Michelle / Vienna? roses and sending the NY Elizabeth / any of your other favorites home early on. Most people get a relationship going based on a combination of three things: chemistry, compatibility, and choices.

Compatibility and choices are like sciences, which are fairly easy to argue about and reason with. You can fill out an online profile that would find you a decent partner on the compatibility scale. And for some in today's world, that compatibility screenage is a great place to start. Do you like dogs? Would you live in Texas? What's your favorite sports team? NSync or Backstreet? Is God cool or not cool? Team Jacob or team Edward? How would you define physical boundaries in a progressing relationship setting? Do you want kids or a comfortable retirement? Just kidding, I'd choose children (this sentence is sponsored by Mom-guilt).

Choices often involve what I call the "shoulds." I SHOULD date someone who treats me well, is honest with me, isn't current romantically involved with someone else, is younger than my parents / older than Miley Cyrus, is taller / shorter than me, didn't recently break my best bud's heart, etc. Choices also come along the lines of is my heart ready to get back in a relationship again?, will dating have a negative impact on work, school, or my video games?, and are those irksome traits in my partner deal-breakers or opportunities for compromise?

Last but not least, we get chemistry. It's the art (well, it's technically a science too ... don't bug me) of the big 3. It can't be forced, it can't be reasoned with, it is hard to predict, and it is powerful. It's what makes you hold eye contact with that person for just a split second longer. It's what makes you inch towards her subconsciously. It's what sends you on an out-of-the-way path through the living room on the way to the kitchen just so you can kiss her forehead or slide your hand across her back. It's also the scary one. It's the one you can't control. It's the one that doesn't always jive with the "shoulds." It's viewed as an easy excuse. It's the one you try to convince yourself can conquer the other two. It might also be the one that you just wait around to show up cuz the other two are so totally there ... but it never does.

In some ways, we KNOW more about these girls than Jake does. We see them behind the scenes. Jake probably has to put a lot more weight on the chemistry than he may wish were the case. Something to think about.

Enough of my rambling. What'd y'all think? Excellent comments so far, by the way.